Voice Out!

Berdiri Atas Kaki Sendiri

2012-02-08T09:22:00.002+08:00

Assalamualaikum.

Dah lama bebenor x jenguk sini. Last entry 4 bulan lalu. Great.

Well, ada satu benda yang ingin aku kisahkan. Sekarang, duit biasiswa belum masuk. (dah x larat dah terkejar2 sana sini supaya duit tu masuk). So, aku bergantung pada my beloved ummi for pocket money. Bayar sewa, duit makan, semua la. and it's been four months rasanya macam tu.

Tapi aku jot down brapa bnyk aku ambik, tiap kali aku ambik. so aku kira hutang. sejak dulu lagi, sejak aku masuk asasi law, memang aku bayar balik kalau aku ambik duit dari parents aku. tak tau la kenapa, rasa wajib untuk bayar. anyway, mungkin sebabnya, kedudukan kewangan family aku buatkan aku tak boleh duduk senang kalau aku ambik duit mak aku sebab aku rasa, aku dah tak patut bergantung pada mak aku.

satunya, family aku skrg berpusat pada mak aku. bisnes abah tak berapa bagus, so semua pada ummi. adik aku tiga org pun bergantung pada mak aku lg. hutang abang aku, kakak aku, hutang kereta, rumah, semua mak aku bayar. wlupun gaji mak aku agak besar, tp untuk menampung satu rumah patutnya memang sakit la.

so aku tak tenang kalau aku ambik tanpa bayar balik. bukan maksud aku, bila habis hutang, aku akan ignore parents aku. tak. tapi sebelum aku memberi, duit belanja yg mak aku bg aku akan byr, wlupun ckit2.

sebab tu la agaknya duit aku tak pernah cukup. sebab dari dulu, aku mmg dpt duit bnyk. tapi lepas tu, settle hutang, tinggal habuk la. and duduk di bandar shah alam ni, memang seratus seminggu bererti kau memang tahan makan. kalau kau makan secara sihat dan betul, 200 paling kurang la. kalau makan mewah, infiniti.

duit kereta yg aku pakai, aku akan bayar balik. roadtax, semua benda yang mak aku byrkan dulu, aku akan bayar balik. mak aku pernah cakap, tak payah la. sebab kalau ikutkan, mungkin dia pun perasan aku kurang ambik duit dia sejak masuk u. yelah, lepas asasi (dapat elaun), degree dapat biasiswa and ptptn. pas2 masuk masters, keja dgn fakulti (sblm dpt biasiswa) dpt la 1300 sebulan tp mmg ckup utk hidup je sbb hutang sblumnya jugak.

bila nak lepas dari hutang, tak tau la. belum lg beli keta sendiri. aku mmg dpt bnyk duit, tapi banyak jugak benda yg aku kena buat. percaya atau tak, sebelum dapat duit, duit dah habis. dah plan nk byr hutang, bagi ummi abah, bagi adik2, bagi pengasuh, habis la duit aku.

dan aku rasa bertanggungjawab sebab mak aku selalu cakap, bayar balik (for unnecessary stuff yg terpaksa guna duit dia untk bayar). mmg ada stgh org ckp, parents memberi bukan untuk terima balik. konon nk kata, mak aku berkira la. tapi mak aku bukan berkira. dia terpaksa, sebab banyak benda lain dia kena tanggung. so aku tak pernah salahkan mak aku, sebaliknya, aku rasa wajib aku byr balik, dan jugak tolong family yg lain.

kakak aku dh kawin, anak dua, dia dan family tinggal kat rumah aku. jadi mak aku jugak tanggung sebab gaji aku kakak aku kecik. laki dia meniaga kecil2an. abg sulung aku, sbb dh ada awek, lpas study kahwin. duit pun pinjam mak aku. mujur dh keja government, tp smntara nk stabil, penat la.

so, senang cakap, mak aku tak merasa sangat duit anak2 padahal dua anak dh kawen. skrg tinggal turn aku. aku kesian kat mak aku. duit haji pun x ckup. kalau boleh, sebelum aku kawen (antara sebab aku nak kawen lambat), aku nak bagi something kat mak aku. senangkan hati dia. sebab family aku nmpk senang, tapi sebaliknya pahit jugak la. aku bersyukur aku dalam golongan yg murah rezeki bab2 dapat duit ni. sekurang2nya, bila adik mintak duit, ada la aku nk hulur.

dan tahun depan, insyaAllah, aku akan mula keja sebagai pensyarah. kalau ikut tangga gaji, ok la utk mula hidup stabil, even di KL. tapi, family aku comes first. before aku kahwin, aku akan keja at least setahun. lepas tu baru pikir kawen (kalau ada orang yg teringin kat aku la. haha).

so, entry ni utk mengingatkan aku kembali, hidup aku skrg. mungkin 10 tahun lagi aku akan baca balik, sebab masa tu mungkin aku dah lupa, cara hidup aku skrg. cuma aku harap, aku tak lupa diri.

wallahua'lam.

TPM: Turn for Pelajar Mengajar :)

2011-10-19T14:35:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum wrt...

Lately, this blog's n3ies were pretty much full of hatred, anger and other unpleasant emotions.

And now its time for an awesome news.

Alhamdulillah, great thanks to HIM, when I was experiencing the thrashing issue which greatly affected my

whole self and emotion for almost 2 days, He presented me with a GREATer NEWS, and it truly is a great one which made me smile and all the grief over the thrash stuff got washed away just in seconds.

I finally got the offer letter for TPM or Tenaga Pengajar Muda scholarship.

Finally. After months of anticipation, I finally got the confirmation.

actually, the letter came in on the day after my car got thrashed, but i didnt know about it, until the day after.

So. there really is a hikmah about this. The truth behind this is that so when I got to see the letter, I've already managed to pull myself together, and so much so, I really did.

well, back to the TPM, for those who never heard about this, its actually offered by UITM. if you got the TPM, you would be sponsored for your post-graduate studies and right after you finish, you will get promoted to a lecturer's position immediately after an interview. well it states that you have to serve at least for 7 years after you finish, and then, you could leave UITM if you wish. But those who leave are really, erm, not thinking i guess? Unless they get better-paid job offer than being a UITM lecturer, then they're not really thinking. LOL.

anyway, the point here is, insyaAllah, right after i finish my studies, I will get to be an immediate UITM lecturer and I actually have secured a job which I wanted badly.

frankly speaking, I've been dreaming to be a lecturer since I was 8. serious speaking here. it started when i saw my aunt (who is currently the DEAN of BUSINESS ADMIN faculty of University Malaysia Sabah) in her office, so cosy, so professional-looking, and also, rich. of course thats the main point here. money.

you will never go anywhere now without the aim for more money, right people? yeah, i so agree with myself.

I LOVE TEACHING!

well, i personally enjoy talking and people listening to me bluffing. thats actually what it is. =P

oh please. I wont be this scary. ^^

i taught primary schools before and it was a tough experience but i really learned it the HARD way.

So, now that I've got the TPM, I'm open to any monitoring-classes job and i already had one, my very first-real-university-class monitoring yesterday and it was great! I love it soo much!

Well, enough of me rambling. Well, the point here is, I'M SERIOUSLY GONNA BE AN ENGLISH LECTURER AND I PRETTY LOVE IT!

ALHAMDULILLAH....

See you in class later!!!

Thrashed by thrash.

2011-09-28T03:47:00.000+08:00

Seriously I've never thought something like this could befall me, but of course,

He always knows better.

I was thrashed by thrash.

Well of course, the first thrash is literally,

and the second one, I would like to hope it is also something literal.

For me, its none other than thrash, whoever have the heart to do such thing.

and literally, its not me who was thrashed, but its my car.

But its like me being thrashed, cause my car is my heart.

As much as I love it,

I would like others to understand its like a child to me.

How could you put a bag of thrash onto one's car bonet?

Even if you don't have good stuff to say, and you meant good, thats obviously NOT the best way to

COMMUNICATE.

that's why I said its thrash, whoever did that.

If they'd learned how to write, to COMMUNICATE, if they are literate (oh how I wished to use WERE),

they wouldn't have done that, for whatever mistake I've ever done.

Can they read my mind? No.

Do they know whether I purposely put my car there to TROUBLE them? No.

I had the chance to catch the culprit, but I tried hard to prevent myself from ASKING because if I'd known,

that person would be DEAD, whoever they are.

and let's just wish that's also literal.

YES, DEAD, literally.

my car obviously doesn't display any sign of,

THRASH ME.

oh, illiterate people, I pity them.

Lets just pray I won't be able to know who they are FOREVER.

Wasted my tears.

tearing not because of sadness, but because of excessive uncontrollable anger.

Yeah, since I couldn't get the culprit,

and I was trying very hard to restrain myself,

that caused me to tear up.

for whatever reason I did wrong,

now I'm not at the wrong side anymore,

because of their stupid THRASHING MISTAKE.

FOOLS and MANIACS.

Prejudice? Kill me. ^^

2011-07-13T02:12:00.003+08:00

Assalamualaikum...

Yes, at first I thought I may be bit petty, to be posting about this? but frens, learn ur lesson. Kalau kita hidup beramai2, berjemaah, u better go with the flow la kan... u cant live in the house as if u r the only person living in the house, and we're entitled to advices from others if we did wrong. but yes, i entered the house with privileges. i already have two friends in the house, one is my coursemate and the other one is my ex-schoolmate (and we were quite close during those times).

but this one person, i just dont know where did she come from, she just couldnt accept advises, and it so happened, i was the first person to tegur her (just after a month living in the house when she had already been in the house for almost a year and nobody had ever talked to her about her manner before) in a very normal housemate way about her manner, which is wearing a pair of slippers just everywhere in the house including the kitchen where all the bad stuff are on the floor and she drags them all along with her, to the living room, to the bedroom and so on. She got furious at me, and she slammed the door at my face. Ok. so i thought, ok, i wont say anything anymore but that time, i really had to say it because the kitchen floor had already those ULAT because of the sampah and i dont want those ULATs to be on the carpet at the living room, so i had the urge to speak to her about that.

starting from there on, she sees me as an enemy when I still act as usual cause i would never see her as enemy but i know she is uncomfortable with me around, so she started to eat in her bedroom, taking all the stuff inside, back from work, quickly hides in the bedroom. thats her problem bcoz i am fine with her being at the same place with me. it doesnt bother me at all.

and then, it so happened, one of the frens who have actually been thinking about her bad manners suddenly came back from the hometown and talked to her about the access card and the parking lot (which she has been using it by herself without bothering to share with me when i entered the house since now two people of the house have cars). so she thought it was ME who instigated that fren to talk to her about that when i didnt know about it at all. seriously i dont mind parking outside of our apartment gate since i've gotten familiar with it. so its not a prob to me, not at all.

but since she already has prejudice towards me, with me having my old and current frens in the house and my easy going character which allows me to mingle with all the people easily, she has been seeing me as a threat to her life in the house since that slippers incident. and so, just now we had a meeting about RULES OF THE HOUSE (which actually meant to fix her manner but in the end failed bcoz my fren felt that it would make her angrier if she were to talk to her in front of the others like that) and right after the meeting, i know she would think i'm the person behind it all and so, it was true. she still thinks that i'm a nuisance to her. when we have a prejudice towards that person, we would always think she does the wrong thing.

Well, this is the proof. ^^

she is angrier at me, thats why she posted this. but never mind. Its just that, its funny. I did nothing, seriously nothing?

But always, whenever i go to places, there would be people looking at me as enemy, just because I open my mouth about the truth. Oh well i cant be a bystander, just watching people annoying other people. I hate that. And i did the right thing. before this, there's another status about me but lets skip that.

o yes, i know, this is kind of bad, posting about someone, but please guys, lets learn something here. I learn something too. It makes me think real hard of my prejudice towards others. LOL. of course i do have those stuff too, but usually, my prejudice is SHARED BY MANY, who think so too. LOL. So, is that a GENERAL OPINION? Lets put on our thinking cap.

I really hate it to be in this situation though my situation is favourable since others in the house know that she's the one who need to reflect, but its still bothering me. I really hate it. Just hope that one day, she will get to learn ways to live uprightly, not like this.

Another thing is that, she said herself that she purposely lives with strangers to not let her GOOD FRENS know about her CYNICAL SIDE? and what is that supposed to mean? I pity her, really. She doesn't have friends to show her the right way. good friends are those who showed you the right way, but she doesnt have those kind of friends since she's already aware of that but she's not making any progress to correct those CYNICAL SIDEs.

Moral of the story? CAST AWAY YOUR PREJUDICE AND LEARN TO LIVE WITH OTHERS WELL. ^^

Entah Kenapa...

2011-07-05T00:59:00.002+08:00

Pak nenek di pembaringan terakhir...

Entah kenapa,

Jemari ini menari.

Entah mengapa,

Aku terpanggil untuk melakar sesuatu.

Entah kenapa,

Hati ini begitu sayu.

Entah kenapa,

Wajah mereka bermain di ruang mata.

Entah kenapa,

Aku begitu ingin ke sana.

Entah kenapa,

Sukar untukku menerima.

Entah kenapa,

Saat ini begitu menyesakkan.

Entah kenapa,

Hati ini begitu degil mahu berbicara.

Entah kenapa,

Jiwa ini begitu terasa kehilangan.

Entah kenapa,

Berkali-kali ayat suci kusedekahkan.

Entah kenapa,

Gusarnya masih kurasa.

Entah kenapa,

Segala-galanya bagaikan tidak nyata.

Entah kenapa,

Aku begitu rindukan mereka.

Entah kenapa,

Air mata mengalir lagi,

Untuk kesekian kalinya...

Ya Allah,

Semoga mereka berada di kalangan kekasihMu.

Amiin...

Nenek dah pergi...

2011-07-04T14:54:00.002+08:00

as i am writing this, tears are streaming but i just dont know how to stop it.

my two beloved people, left me this year.

early this year was marked by my grandma's passing away.

and just this afternoon, it was her beloved lonely husband who followed her suit,

only after 5 months living without her by his side.

I know he's got his wish to be by her side fulfilled,

and I really hope their love is for eternity.

when mak nenek passed away on the 31st of January,

I wanted to write about her badly,

but I just don't know why I didn't.

Now I know.

Because I have to write about them both in a post.

and its after today, 4th of July 2011.

this post won't be a complete post anyway.

its just that,

I am really happy, despite not being able to pay him my last respect, since in my family,

I was the very last person to see him and talk to him.

I even peeled him rambutans which he ate very hungrily and happily.

If it wasn't for my ummi who asked me to go,

I wouldn't even feel like going,

and now I'm glad I did.

I really am.

Same goes to my mak nenek.

I didn't want to go since I think its not really necessary.

I will still see her the next raya.

turns out I wont.

and I'm glad I went to Tawau that day,

even for a day.

cause that was my very last time seeing her.

Thanks to my ummi's words.

Pak nenek and mak nenek,

you're always with me,

in my heart.

I know I wont be able to forget

both of you,

since you had a very significant appearance in the life

of a Najah from the day she was born.

Both of you taught me everything.

Eternal love,

and happiness.

my coming birthday won't be something good to remember.

cause its the day I'm without both of you.

2011 is the year i wont ever forget.

my first-launched novel,

and the leaving of both of you.

In cherished memories,

Haji Bahron Tahir and Zainab Mase,

Samarinda-Tawau

Al-Fatihah

Eveni+fying+mare!

2011-07-01T18:20:00.004+08:00

It's a creepy bad dream at one evening!

One fine day...

I just dont know why I felt so exhausted that day. Maybe it's because of lack of good sleep, and so I forced my eyes closed after Asr.

Then the dream began. Its like a novel. trust me, all those marriage by agreement story line, it actually took place in my dream, and the guy was someone I really despise. urgh!

Ok, so let me tell you a story, a very interesting one (very novel-like)

I was back from my somewhere, its kind of blurry, where it started from. I was unpacking or packing my stuff with my younger sister in my room, and then, there he was, at the dining table with my sister (somehow my 'sister' had transformed into the face of my degree mate) and they were discussing something unknown to me.

I was like, "What's he doing here? so annoying, him being in my house and whatsoever." but i didn't disturb them since he was like ignoring me (as he usually does I think and it's not like i was expecting him to present me with a warm friendly smile whenever we saw each other).

and then suddenly, he came up to me, and revealed his ultimate reason for coming to my house, and it was because of ME and our somehow-i-was-married-to-him-but-for-some-reasons-it-was-based-on-an-agreement MARRIAGE.

DAMN! and he was there to claim me! seriously, i was screaming very hard at him for not keeping his promise to make our marriage a secret and that we run our own lives secretly as we had agreed on before we were married. because i seriously DESPISE him and never thought that the very novel-like story line would befall me, I was crying and panting and screaming and shouting at him to get out of my life.

but he just smiled and being very stubborn, he had called his parents and they already agreed about me and him living together as REAL hubby and wifey.

you know how it feels when you really dont want something but it keeps coming to you making you very frustrated and you feel like screaming to you heart's content? thats how it felt like. seriously, i was really frustrated and angry at him as i chased him away but he kept coming with a smile. argh!

my parents had also agreed on our marriage and he was so happy while I keep lamenting the marriage we had and i really wished i could get away from him. i was so strained in my dream that when my friend came to wake me up to perform the asr prayer, she was like hesitating since my face looked very tired.

Yes I was extremely tired in my dream, playing tag with that guy!

he followed me everywhere and kept reminding me that i was her wife and whatever i did, i was still his wife.

"Weh! ko tak faham bahasa ke? aku kata aku benci ko kan! boleh blah tak dari hidup aku?" one of my lines. yes, i was very harsh since i was extremely angry and frustrated!

"Tak pe, aku takkan lepaskan ko sampai bila-bila. ko still wife aku." with a very innocent and indifferent face, he replied to me!

"Aku tak mau la! yang ko gatal sangat ni kenapa? Pergi jalanlah!"

"Tak nak. ni rumah isteri aku."

trust me, it was very novel-like and now, i seriously understand how it feels like when u were in that kind of SITUATION. very frustrating and provoking!

and he was chasing me up to this park, where i was crossing a jungle with two ropes, one to step on and one to hold on to, and i was like, what the hell

was he doing here?

but somehow, since it's just a one rope for one way route, i was like going to the wrong way and i had to wait for others to cross, and suddenly he popped up in front of me.

his face was gloomy, he didn't say anything, just signaled with his eyes for me to follow him and strangely (which i obviously wont do if i'm at my right state of mind) i did follow him to the right rope for the way we're heading, and then........

Argh! So cute! ^^

"najah, ko dah asar belum?"

Zup! I was gasping for air as soon as i opened my eyes hurriedly. yes, i did.

and i was delighted and relieved when i opened my eyes and found myself not on a rope with the guy i despise and I'M NOT FOLLOWING HIM SOMEWHERE UNKNOWN TO ME (cause other really-related-to-marriage-stuff might take place, who knows? phew!) AND WE'RE NOT MARRIED TO EACH OTHER. and also, bcoz it was not a nightmare (since it happened in broad daylight). if it was a nightmare, it could carry a 1001 meanings! and i really wish i wont have to encounter that guy in the near future or even, THE FARTHER FUTURE.

when i woke up, the very one thing occurred to me, why him of all the guys and gays i know? i didn't even think of him recently since there's no reason for me to do so.

but I'm glad, its a bad dream. just A VERY BAD DREAM.

Allah, I'm sorry for sleeping after Asr... =_= I WONT DO THAT AGAIN! PINKY PROMISE! (cause I'm really scared to death!)

p/s: really wish you who're reading this had this novel-like dream! LOL

lowest

2011-06-23T00:13:00.002+08:00

Now, I'm at my lowest point.

Crying for nothing.

lost.

the only thing that I have been longing for

has flown out of my hands.

i would never be able to retrieve it back.

cause there's no way

I would want it back.

Never.

The only thing I ever wanted since

I hold the pen.

Is now nowhere close.

crushed.

Allah show me the way.

T_T

I've got to look for a new dream.

I rarely have dreams.

And it's hard to look for a new one.

When you've been holding on for too long,

saying goodbye is the least thing u want.

Now its only me and my pen.

Only us.

AAJ DI PASARAN JUN INI!

2011-05-18T12:09:00.001+08:00

ASSALAMUALAIKUM WRT.

Dengan ini, saya ingin mengumumkan bahawa Anaknya, Anakku Jua atau nama glamornya, AAJ, akan menemui korang, para pembaca yang setia menanti, di pasaran pada bulan JUN iaitu NEXT MONTH!!! Yay!!

Kesian kat saya sebab saya rasa orang lain mungkin dah ada yang tau lebih awal dari saya (kalau korang rajin jenguk website KN, memang dah ada AAJ kat situ).

Sedih? Bercampur baur dengan gembira kerana akhirnya AAJ sudah lahir. Hahaha... Untuk yang tak tengok lagi cover AAJ, this is a POWER PEEK. hehehe...

So, OK ke? Pada saya, OK SANGAT! Comel! hahahahahaha.....

Hana pun kata dia suka.......

Macam tak percaya je tu novel saya.

hahahahahahahahahahahahah

(Korang tak tau betapa saya gelak sambil menangis sambil melolong bila tengok AAJ kat website KN)

Ok.

Kepada yang baru kenal blog ni dan tak tahu menatang AAJ tu apa, inilah sejarah AAJ ya.

Novel kedua saya (hahahah, sbnrnya yg ketiga tp x pyh la tau yg kedua tu yg mana, hehehe) selepas Kira Ayumi, saya mula menulis AAJ pada tarikh 9 April 2009 (09.04.09) dan saya juga telah menghantar AAJ ke website Penulisan2u.

Rentetan dari sambutan yang menggalakkan dari pembaca di P2U, encik Muzri dengan berbesar hati telah mengetengahkan AAJ kepada penerbit untuk cadangan diterbitkan dan kerana itu, saya telah disuruh menyediakan manuskrip AAJ yang telah dihantar ke tangan penerbit secara rasminya pada 4 Julai 2010 untuk penilaian penuh.

Setelah lama menanti jawapan, akhirnya pada 18 Februari 2011, saya mendapat berita baik iaitu AAJ akan diterbitkan oleh KN.

Setelah urusan surat setuju terbit dibuat, sekali lagi saya dalam penantian menanti tarikh sebenar AAJ akan diterbitkan. Kalau nak diikutkan, KN sudah ada list penuh untuk tahun ni, dan diorang sebenarnya bercadang untuk publish AAJ next year. Tapi, setelah diorang pertimbangkan balik, akhirnya, diorang selitkan jugak AAJ untuk list tahun ni. Untuk itu, saya sangat bersyukur sebab dah ramai yang bertanya dan saya sendiri tak ada jawapan. Jadi, sekurang-kurangnya bila orang tanya kenapa lambat, saya ada jawapan untuk tu. hehehe...

Pada 7 April, KN email saya untuk mintak sinopsis, penghargaan, blurb, biodata, dan semua yang berkenaan untuk dicetak di novel tu. Sebenarnya, ini part yg sedih sikit. Bukan sedih apa, tapi agak tak best di pihak saya. Saya diberi masa yang sedikit untuk sediakan semua tu, dan saya memang terlupa langsung untuk sediakan semua benda tu sebelum diminta, Almaklumla, first time. Jadi memang saya tak terfikir langsung pasal semua tu. Bila diorang mintak, saya cuma ada dlm 4 jam mcm tu untuk tulis semua tu, dgn cari gmbr yg sesuai lagi (dan rupanya sy x ada gmbr perseorangan yg elok untuk dijadikan tatapan satu Malaysia! ah! Pathetic!)

Cari gambar dh buang masa, makanya, sinopsis sy pun agak terabur, mmg sgt x puas hati tp nak tak nak, kena bg sbb diorg kata nak cepat.

Kemudian, senyap lagi tanpa berita. Dua hari lepas, terdetik di hati nak email KN n tanya, dan barulah sy tau AAJ akan keluar next month, bulan JUN.

Alhamdulillah....

Legaa.......

Tapi.....

Bila tengok sinopsisnya....

Hmm...

Tak apalah, mungkin ada baiknya diorang tak guna yg sy bg sbb entah apa-apa. hahaha. Novel saya yang lepas ni (SAYA AKAN PASTIKAN ADA NOVEL SAYA YANG KEDUA DAN SETERUSNYA hahahahahah) akan saya siapkan yang terbaik untuk korang, PEMBACA YANG TERBAIK!

SAYA BERJANJI!

hehehehe.....

So, this is it. AAJ akan keluar bulan depan ya korang. Yang tak ada duit, sila pastikan gaji or elaun bulan depan dah disimpan RM22 (bg semenanjung) dan RM25 bagi Sabah Sarawak sebab AAJ tebal sikit. hahahahaha....

Kan saya dah cakap, kalau korang tak nak beli pun tak apa. Sebab saya nak bagi peluang kat korang untuk dapat AAJ percuma, siap dgn sign lagi. Tak nak? Nak ke tak nak? ;)

Saya akan hold contests before AAJ keluar, maksudnya, before Jun lah kan.

Tapi, korang kena "Like" page "ANARIF" di FB secepat mungkin sebab who knows when am I gonna hold the contest? kan? kan?

dan lagipun, saya sebenarnya tengah menunggu ramai lagi pembaca di luar sana untuk 'like' my page sblm hold contest tu. Saya nak semua org get an equal chance, but if korang tak nak, tak pe la. Takkan nak paksa-paksa, kan? hehehe....

Anyway, AAJ akan keluar and pastikan korang tunggu AAJ tau!

Lastly, thanks sangat-sangat sebab sentiasa memberi semangat kepada saya untuk terus menulis (wlupun ramai jd silent readers je) tapi sy hargai 'kehadiran' korang di blog ni.

Terima kasih atas sokongan korang!

I LOVE YOU ALL, AND MAY ALLAH BLESS US ALL.

love,

anarif

Good news for BLOGGERS!

2011-02-27T02:42:00.005+08:00

ok. this is an extremely good news. mesti korg yg tgk semua blog aku dh naik meluat tgk benda kat atas ni tiap kali link aku diklik. sorry, but u r giving me money when u click my link. aku tak tipu la, serius. next time aku post bukti sbb aku br je mula n br ada sorg click link aku. (and now i'm expecting good news since aku baru post new n3 and aku dh shrink link tu) haha. tapi mmg dpt duit.

and aku dpt duit bila korg KLIK LINK AKU. aku tak tipu. klik link saja dh dpt duit. bukan apa, kan nuffnang tu just letak iklan kat blog. klu org rasa berminat, org click. kalau x, sepi je nuffnang aku. dan setelah bertahun aku letak, baru $1 lebih. x ingat brapa. silap aku gak. aku memilih profil readers hari tu salah. hahaha.

tak pe. topik lain. so, macam mana aku boleh terjebak? mcm ni. aku ni kan layan gak Hallyu Wave esp Encik Super Junior, so, aku suka visit page sorang mamat nih utk cari video SJ yg terbaru with Eng Sub. maklumla, x pakar bhs korea lg. untuk maklumat lanjut, refer sini.

pas2 kan, lately, link video dia, bila diklik, akan keluar page warna biru semacam je. dia dh bg arahan dah. lepas klik link tu, klik SKIP AD kat bhgn atas kanan sekali. tapi, dun worry. secepat mana korg blah dr page tu pun, dia dh dpt duit ok.... serius betul, aku x tipu.

memula aku menyampah. lama2 aku pelik. biar betul kan? dpt duit bila klik. aku baca la dia punya propaganda yg tertulis. dan aku fhmkan, aku try. mmg dapat duit!

serius! caranya? mudah je. bila korang dah daftar, kalau korang ada blog, just use the blog url sbg permulaannya. and then, pegi kat field yg tersedia, sebelah button SHRINK besar2. paste kat field tu, shrink. then, copy link tu. pas2, try paste kat facebook korg link blog korg, share and make it ur status. klu bertuah ada org klik, korg check la, ada duitnya. serius. tp ada la certain rate utk korg keluarkan duit tu. and btw, dia akan bg duit tu virtually, via PAYPAL or ALERTPAY. so, sblm buat akaun ni, siapkan PAYPAL dulu. aku ckp siap2 ni.

korg boleh paste link 2 kat mana2 or anytime. dan selagi link 2 x didelete dr korg punya akaun ADF.LY, link 2 akan bg duit bila dklik.

kenapa aku buat? sbb aku kan bnyk blog. pas2, x rugi pun. dia bukan amik duit. kenapa aku buat nuffnang? same reason knp aku x try ni. so, if x nak try, x dek sesapa rugi. tp klu korg rajin post link merata, x rugi. lg x rugi klu korg punya blog ramai followers. ha! mantap! selagi korg create link di internet, selagi 2 korg buat duit. video, gmbr, blog n3, (dan n3 ini akan menjadi mangsa aku seterusnya hahahaha) korg boleh buat duit.

x percaya? ingat benda ni spam? sukatila. aku x rugi. selagi org klik link ni utk baca, aku x rugi pape pun. hahahaha

oklah, aku nk chow demi menyebarkan benda ni. dan utk mdpt lebih bnyk duit. INGAT! SEKALI KLIK, NO TURNING BACK!!

Masyuk.....................................................................................zzzzzz.........................$$$$$$.......... ;)

p/s: thanks to anybody who click the link above! ;)

Blogging bloggers

2011-02-23T22:20:00.002+08:00

first of all, i'm impressed. i'm impressed to see blogs with regular updates and every update is full of colours. and i mean colours, colours.

the posts are in variety with small, big, biggest fonts, different colours, and various stories.. i'm really, really impressed.

why? naa, dont ask. those who follow me here (other than My Art Pieces and The Other Side of Me) definitely know why i feel that way. dont you? i bet u do.

i RARELY update my blog. well, currently i have like 6 blogs, 4 active and 2 inactive blogs, and i was like, OMG, why do i have so many and the present me says, "Why the hell you created so many?" and the past me says, "I dont know, screw you!" and the future me says, "Ok, thats enough. Its for me." and i guess the future me won.

i think its best left at it. fullstop.

and my biggest worries right now is? i'm about to do research about blogging. its been two weeks since i last met my supervisor and during the first meeting, she said, "I'll meet u in the future if only u have something 2 show me." and my reply, "Thats great!" the inner me? THATS AWESOME! so i'll call u back in a month the quickest!

and there i was, lingering in the net, leisuring with my writings, blabbing at my freelancing boss about my latest job, working in my fac, anything but the journals on BLOGS as i was advised to do.

and the next wednesday? she called. yes. she CALLED. "Hi, are we meeting today?" I cant even register her voice. "W-what? erm, I dont think so..." Yes, bcoz i never thought she would ever CALL! "Ok, so, i guess ur READING is still on?" "Y-yes it is."

and No, it ISN'T. i know nothing about journals for blogging, i havent laid my eyes on not even a word, i didn't even google for it when i have the time (of course i have time) and didn't start a scratch.

and this week? she expected us to meet but of course, i couldn't find my time (still) to search for the journals etcetera bcoz my beloved freelancing boss gave a job for my weekend when i have already determined to work on my research as preparation for the coming wednesday.

and here comes Strong Heart, a Korean show and it took me 3 days to complete it. there goes my weekend. happily ever after.

and then? nightmare. you know how it feels? she expects u to meet her but i didn't. and since i'm the one who is in need of her consultation, i should have prepared every wednesday but it's been put off for two consecutive weeks. and its not good.

if u were me? yes. i will have to meet her next wednesday WITH AT LEAST 5 PAGES OF ISSUES to be discussed with her to make up for the two MISSING-NOT-IN-ACTION DAYS.

oh dear. its my first semester and i've to pull myself together. bad performance during my degree is enough. another unsatisfied lecturer is the last thing i gonna need for now.. what with my novel to be published, my freelancing, my writing, my research, my faculty job, i have to be super fast and super resistent to oversleeping in order to complete the whole week to call it A Week.

yeah. hopefully, next week i'll get to meet her with a Smiling and Bright Face. :)

till then!

p/s: what about blogging that u think good enough to be studied? put on ur thinking caps with me, pls!!! =P

Love letter!

2011-02-22T15:41:00.003+08:00

perhatian: ini bukan kisah surat cinta atau rancangan variety Korea bertajuk Love Letter. ia tiada kena-mengena dengan semua yang disebutkan. :)

aku balik tengahari tadi dari ofis, and kak ijah (pem

bantu rumah) cakap, "Ada surat untukmu."

aku dah berdebar-debar kalah orang nak nikah (rasanya la. tak pernah tau pun macam mana rasanya kan?) dan cepat2 aku capai surat tu.

ada nama aku, dan cop KAKI NOVEL!

yeah! finally!

sebenarnya itu surat setuju terbit untuk novel sulung aku, AAJ yang dah dihantar utk penilaian berbulan lalu dan akhirnya, ia dah diterima dan akan diterbitkan.

akhirnya aku telah berjaya menghasilkan karya sendiri! yeah!

p/s: dah pening pk rupa bentuk autograf yang perlu direka. hahahahaha

BULK: a student again....

2011-02-01T15:31:00.005+08:00

i have never looked around for job. i've never felt urged to look for a job, until i've graduated and i stayed at home without certain determined future.

at first, i thought i wont be pursuing studies again since the experience of writing my research paper during the final sem of my degree really worn me out. i'm tired and i learned to hate it, very much. and so, thats what i told people around. my aunt, my mom, my siblings. but as i sat around and not doing anything, i felt restless, and a little bit of ashamed. i cant find a job (which suits my likings) and of course, its difficult to find a job to suit my likings. i initially want to be a lecturer since i was 8, and the only key to be a lecturer is at least to have a masters degree. i thought i would be able to go through like some LUCKY DEGREE HOLDERS. and again, only LUCKY ones. and i'm obviously not one of them.

i came across a lot of vacancy for lecturers but i'm not eligible to apply, so i couldnt. frustration, restlessness, and shame started to build up. i began to feel remorse for not applying. friends and family around me started to look intimidating and i really despise the feeling.

i called a friend who seemed to know more about the situation and she told me that my faculty is currently preparing to offer some eligible students of my degree batch to pursue masters in the same faculty, Academy of Language Studies UiTM. i called the respective lecturer to confirm the matter and he told me to just sit and wait for the letter. and i waited. for students who does not reach certain required cgpa to receive an offer, they have to apply for the masters and 2 of my friends did. feeling insecure, i called the lecturer again to verify the matter bcoz i thought if i didnt apply, i wont get to pursue the next sem, meaning in january 2011. and his reply was very unconvincing. and i thought, here goes another wasted sem, and i have to wait for another sem to apply for the programme.

and when i was about to grieve for my carelessness to miss the date, i received a call saying i've been offered to pursue my studies in my former faculty and i was like, THATS EXCELLENT! alhamdulillah, another way opened is laid right in front of me, and without hesitating, i accepted the offer and spread the good news to everyone i know.

and now, i've started my life as a Masters by Research student under the LG780 programme, Applied Language Studies. hopefully, it could be completed in 2 years time.

i have a certain future now. and i'm really thankful for that. ;)

p/s: argh! student again! luckily i dont have classes and exams. phew!

BULK: tiring anticipation....

2011-02-01T15:04:00.002+08:00

note: since i have been IDLE from my blog for quite a long time, i will be posting multiple outdated pending posts. thats why it is BULK posts. ;)

JULY 2010

so, i finished my degree, i graduated, and i am happy. returning home is my first long-awaited anticipation. returning home here means gathering all my books, and i mean all boxes of my collection during the time i studied in uitm shah alam since 2006. my law books as well as my english communication books. two boxes, lots of bags, and numerous tiny small little things (that i collected inadvertently as time goes by) that makes my small kelisa looks smaller with all the stuff but thank God, they all managed to go in. and i happily went home as a freshly graduated unemployed person.

AUGUST 2010

the first thing i worked on was my novel. and its completed sometime early of july (i guess). i eagerly sent the manuscript, and now i'm tired of waiting for the result.

i worked as a substitute teacher in a primary school for approx 2 months, and i accepted my former boss' offer to work with him but i only lasted for three days since the person he asked me to replace had already find a more permanent replacement and i know better than to stay working as an office girl. but i gained something. i now know how to work with excel. LOL. before this i've always despised excel but now i realised its the best application to work on!

NOVEMBER 2010

its my big bro's wedding, and its also my convocation day on EXACTLY the same day, 28th of november.. and i'm honoured with first class degree. can u guess what did i choose? of course. the wedding. i had a very difficult time dealing with people who tried to arisen resentment in me for deciding to not attend my OWN CONVO DAY. and i passed the days barely by crying twice, and thats it.

well, i know most people can never rationalise my choice but for me, its not a very difficult choice to be made. i cried and i decided not to go. my parents could not say a thing about it. as for me, i've been looking forward for the wedding more than my convo. for me, convocation is not really a something. it becomes something because people made it into something from nothing. they claimed it as a very special day for u to signifying the finishing of school and ur graduation. thats it. as long as i know i've graduated, doesnt matter if i cant go. plus uitm is very well known to be the university with the MOST STUDENTS, and when it says MOST, it means MOST. the number of uitm students graduating each year is horrifying, and outstanding since the number of intake as well is BIG. and the convo? please use ur imagination. tq. thats why i hate it when its convo time. uitm shah alam will become very crowded as well as shah alam. maybe the natural feeling of not liking the situation led to me being not very anticipating of my own convo day. and so, the day passed. and until now, i have no regrets. i still can rent the convo robe and go to the studio for some CONVO PHOTOS. so its not really a big deal. for me. moreover, attending ur own convo ALONE is equivalent with not attending at all. agreed?

and the wedding? ITS AWESOME. i had a very great family time with my extended family who came all the way from KL, Sabah, Penang. thats why i didnt want to go to my convo. since we live very faraway from each other, we only meet each other around on special days, like raya, wedding, and long breaks. why would i miss that? never. being with my family is always the best day in my life. ;)

p/s: bulk posts will be continued in another post. tq. :)

Selamat Hari Raya!!

2010-09-09T11:13:00.002+08:00

sob.

sob.

sob.

my first time celebrating raya without family.

and the weird thing is they're not here.

they went overseas.

sabah.

my mum's hometown.

sob.

this time, last day of ramadhan, it feels really different..

usually, i wont have time 2 surf the net.

we would be very busy preparing the meal, the table for food, the plates, spoons, forks, glasses,
new clothes...

but right now, i'm surfing the net, freely, no one ordering me to look after the food cooking on stove, ironing clothes, preparing plates, food cases, jars for kuih raya.

and sadly, my bro and i dont even know what to eat tomorrow in the morning of Aidilfitri.

we are planning to buy something, and if i feel like cooking, maybe i'll prepare soto.

maybe.

its just the two of us.

now we have to plan our way for tomorrow.

whose house to go...

of course our main aim is to grab food as much as possible since we dont prepare any.

sad.

right now, they will be very busy preparing food, plates, carpets, tables, drinks, clothes, while chatting merrily and nagging each other...

looks like this time around my raya would be very different. no family pictures, no 'sesi bersalaman' and 'duit raya' (I WANT DUIT RAYA!), no jokes on food, no pics with newborn cous, nephews and nieces, and obviously, NO FUN!

sob! sob! sob!

internally...eternally....

2010-07-26T19:12:00.003+08:00

i dont know where else to post this since my fb is not that 'comfortable' and 'private' anymore,
thus preventing me to post anything, just anything to voice out my thoughts, just like i always did before.

i'm burdened,
and i've never felt as burdened as now before.

living at other's expenses is always like this.
i didnt choose it this way,
but i cant leave either,
cause securing one's face is the only honourable thing left for me now.

i want to leave badly,
cause all this while,
i've never felt at loss and in humiliation as much as now.

its because i've always been a stubborn person,
and one with firm stand, if u put it positively,
and right now,
when i'm being questioned by the one i hate to answer,
i'm burdened.

i dont want to answer,
its not because i dont have the answer.
i have it and i'm confident with it.
but will u understand me?
call me coward,
but with ur nature,
it'll only work out if u see what i've become later.

with u, only the proof can work it out.
please, only this time,
let me out.

i respect u as much as i respect my mum,
and i adore u for what u've become.

but being the best out of the best,
cant u please let me get out of the stereotype,
and view me as a brand-new person?
i need that badly.

pursuing my dreams have always been my priority,
but not everyone can understand it.
and my parents have always been topping my list.

they're my number 1,
and whatever i do,
is always dedicated for them.
trust me.
not even for a while have i thought of abandoning them

call me crazy for not valuing my achievement so far,
call me stupid for sitting down and doing nothing,
but the nothing i do right now in your eyes,
will soon be the best thing in my life,
and others around me.

my degree,
i've never worked for it,
and therefore,
i dont value it as much.

dont ask me why,
but its because i know myself better.
typical way of living.
i really hate that.

its not a short-cut that i'm taking,
but its the preview of my future that i'm drawing.
for those involved,
for those i love and value very much,
this is what i'm trying to do.

right now,
i'm working on it.
i wont ask for ur help,
but a little consideration and understanding might help.
just a little will do.
please, just this once, trust me, have faith in me.

yes, they say this is an impossible thing for someone like me to do.
its ridiculous,
but to start a new thing,
there's always this say.

only the brave and courageous will go through unharmed,
and for once in my life,
i want to be among those,
and i know,
with my hard work and strong will,
i can make it.

i can, and i will.
just pray.
thats my only wish,
from u.
for me.

A MUST FOR 2010!

2010-07-22T03:33:00.002+08:00

today, i've been breathing and alive for 22 years, 4 days, 3 hours and 45 minutes.

today, i will make a promise to myself, promises that i've never thought about, or even dream about before.

i'm not the type of person to prepare a what-to-achieve list every year, but today, after half of the year 2010 had passed away AND after 22 years of being alive, i'll make a list.

WHAT TO GET/ DO/ HAVE/ BY THE END OF 2010. THIS IS MY PROMISE. TO MYSELF AND THOSE INCORPORATED.

1. SETTLE ALL DEBT (WITH INTEREST) BY DECEMBER

2. PTPTN PAID AT LEAST RM2K BY DECEMBER

3. RM3K (AT LEAST) IN TH BY DECEMBER

4. BUY RETURN TICKET TO SABAH BY MYSELF REGARDLESS OF THE PRICE (FOR RAYA AND COUSIN'S WEDDING IN SEPTEMBER AND DECEMBER)

5. PAY FOR MY TAILOR-MADE BAJU KURUNG FOR RAYA, BRO'S AND COUS' WEDDING (SEPTEMBER AND DECEMBER) 4 'PASANG' AT LEAST (AND IF POSSIBLE, PAY FOR ALL THE BAJU FOR MY WHOLE FAMILY)

6. GIVE MONEY TO MUM FOR A BRAND-NEW PAINT FOR KELISA (DECEMBER)

7. TO BE ANNOUNCED AT LATER DATE..... ;)

I CAN DO THIS!

KHATY BASHRI, this is for u!

2010-05-27T22:34:00.005+08:00

On 22th of May, one of my dearest friends when i was schooling at MUC , Khaty, got married to her loved one, and for that, i would like to wish her a happy and blessed marriage and cute babies!!!! hehehehe

after 7 years of not meeting each other (just via monitor), we met again and she was shining radiantly on the dais with her beloved husband, and i know, she is in euphoria. who wouldnt when you are married to your beloved one? and i'm extremely happy for her.

since i know her when we were 14, she has always been crazy about pink colour, and i'm not surprised when the colour was chosen as the theme for her wedding. well, co-wedding, with his brother.

i can still vividly remember the voyage of our friendship, though i dont want to cherish my MUC memories much, but it has been part of me, and no matter how hard i tried to forget about it, i know i cant. we were not very close to each other at first, but when we were put together in Dorm E, we got close. together with another two friends, yang and syuhada.

when we were together, we combine our initials and came up with KYNS-khaty, yang, najah, syuhada- and believe it or not, this initial was carved deeply in my mind, that i know i will never be able to get rid of it.

the truth is, i wasnt a good friend, and it hurt me when i recalled how bad i was towards them, and that memories make me feel bad, because i sucked.

now, i dont want to tell you my stories. i want to talk about this very friend of mine, my sahabat, KHATY..

khaty, from what i know during the 1-year and a half we've been close together, she is pretty, she is beautiful, her smile makes your day, with her original long and curled eyelashes, beautiful round shining black eyes, sharp nose, she would capture a man's heart easily, but she's not a player. she's quite pampered, affectionate, can be very hateful if u mess with her, loyal to friends, always looking for affiliation and affection, not dependent but always look for friends, caring, always trying to show her strength, but she is always the first to cry, sharp tongue, likes to get attention from others but adorable, basically thats her. khaty.

her voice is quite husky, and for me, she is perfect, for a lady, she has everything, height, figure, great voice, beauty, and everything. i've never envied her, her skin? hitam manis. that makes her even more prettier, and i'm sure her husband knows how lucky he is to be married to such a pretty girl. (khaty, pas ni, belanja!)

we've been through a series of cold fight, but we've always been able to get together again. maybe i've never told her this, but i'm very proud to be her friend, and part of her life, and though i've always been hateful and despicable. hehehe

seeing her shining on the dais, i thought, "we're old already!" though 22 is act not quite old. hahaha.... when we were together, we've asked this question to each other, who would get married first among us?

obviously not me, because i'm not men's lady. with this cold attitude, i'm aware that i obviously wont be the first! among us, we (syuhada and i) thought it would be either yang or khaty, and true enough, it was one of the two. because these two was act the opposite of syuhada and me, from appearance, these two are more appealing to boys, and as far as i'm concern, syuhada and i never care less about how we look like. as long as we wear something, and everything is in its place, then we're done.

but opposites attract, and the couples were always syuhada and i, while yang and khaty. when we got into a fight with one another, i've always given them cold shoulder, as in not to take sides. and then we would hold special meeting to resolve the dispute. hahaha. funny. the location was the Dorm L's store, with clothes hanging and stuff.

thats sweet about us. and i miss the time very much.

now khaty is married, everyone is curious about who's next, and again, obviously it wont be me!

i think its yang. hahaha. for syuhada and i, it's still KIV. cant be determined. blur. hahahaha

so, thats enough, and for khaty, here's one special poem for you (if u can call it one, hehehe) in occasion of your special day! congrats my lovely friends!

It has been 8 years since we meet each other,
but i feel like it is yesterday,
when i hold your hands,
and say, I'm Najah, your friend.

Do you remember,
how we got to be friends?
You told me about a friend,
whom back-stabbed me,
and for you,
I'm free.
It's fine if you cant recall anything about it,
because I've always been thankful for that,
As you're already my friend,
when I'm yet to be your friend.

we used to fight,
and make up again,
we laughed,
and cried,
we were happy,
yet we were also in grief,
we might hate each other,
but our love prevails,
we might feel like going down the path alone,
but yet we held hands,
and marched forward together.
we might tell each other off,
but God knows,
how much we longed for others,
and how we prayed,
that we will never be apart.

I may never say this,
but I'm thankful having you by my side.
If I have to give up this world for my friend,
I would,
as long as I can see your smile.
what more to sacrifice a relationship,
just to save this precious one.

Khaty,
I'm sorry if I wasn't a friend, when you need one.
if I wasn't a listener, when you longed for one,
if I couldn't even spare my shoulder for you to lean on
when you really needed one,
if I couldn't say, "It's ok.." when you craved for it.
Forgive me,
if there were times,
you hate me more than your enemy.
I apologize,
if I've never returned back whatever u did or gave to me,
because I've to keep every piece of your touch,
so that I would be able to breathe and live on,
and proudly say one fine day,
that I... have a friend.
trust me,
I treasure you in my heart,
though I said otherwise,
cause I've never been in a friendship,
that touched my heart the most,
that made me feel impossible,
for me to find such friends again.

cause You're one in a million,
and no one can ever replace you,
forever and ever.

for that, I thank you,
for the most beautiful episodes in my life,
for the times you were by my side,
for the words that encouraged me,
for the tears that took me back to reality,
for the hands that hold me,
for the word, FRIEND,
for the K in KYNS,
and for everything I took,
but can never return them back,
your presence, in my life.

On this day,
I pray for God,
to spare my happiness,
and pass it to you,
so that you'll have double happiness.
to take your sorrow,
and spare it for me,
so that you'll be less in grief.
to gather all prayers in the world,
and shower them to you,
so that your life would get the most blessings,
and prayers,
to postpone my fortune,
so that yours would look greater,
and when my time comes,
my fortunate and blessed friend,
would be able to shine the most,
as the friend I love,
and treasure,
for my whole entire life.

Please listen to me this time,
just once.

Khaty,
I AM YOUR FRIEND.
would you like to be mine?

HANGSANG, YOUNGWOUNNI FRIENDS....

OK, OK, I'm BACK!

2010-05-06T02:17:00.003+08:00

wow!

thats all i can say. i'm speechless myself seeing the last post i wrote is 3 MONTHS AGO!!!

well, seriously, i was not in the mood to write, though I'VE A LOT IN MY MIND, but whenever i thought of writing, i would restrain myself, cause i know i would spend a lot of time to complete a post.

now, its 2.30 am.

i've had enough sleep, and i'm in a very good mood and refreshed mind cause I'M NOW FREE!

well, not officially, cause by the time i got my result for this very memorable last semester, and if the result is promising, then i would be OFFICIALLY FREE.

OH ALLAH. LET ME BE FREE.

current plan?

naa. i wanna sleep and eat and surf the net and eat and sleep and surf the net.

thats what most of us would probably pick as the already-set-in-mind answer. who wouldn't after a long 3-4 years of studying? someone even had to go for 7 years of studying, just to complete the degree, like UIA darul Quran students. yes, i thought of that too. but i never knew HE HAD ANOTHER PLAN FOR ME.

like what HE stated in the holy Quran, WAMAKARU, WAMAKARALLAH, WALLAHU KHAIRUL MAAKIRIIN.....

sorry, cant remember the verse.

we plan, He plans too, but HE is the GREATEST PLANNER, and his plan always, WINS.

and now, for those who had been following my other blogs, maybe you're already bored with me saying,

"sorry, i'm too busy, i cant post new entries."

"i promise i'll find time to write."

"sorry for being late. too busy with thesis."

"i'm doing my practical now, and life's hectic"

TRUST ME, i hated those sentences too, and thats the reason why i stopped replying to my cbox for quite a while. not bcoz i hate seeing ur hopeful words for new entries, but bcoz i know i wont be able to keep my promise and the more i wrote, the more i'm hurt.

and i posted about 2 entries a month, on the contrary to my own saying that i will post 3 entries A WEEK. yes, i'm a munafik now, since i dont keep promise, but i'm truly sorry cause as human being, i cant see the future, and i overlooked everything. i thought i would be fine, but i wasnt fine.

so i wouldn't dare to post new entries as my state of mind was not GOOD and it might affect the quality of writing. so i didnt write, and i kept quite. a few of the readers even asked whether i'm fine since i didnt reply to others, like i always did, but now, i'm back! and i would reply to every post in the cbox!

ok. my plan for now. actually, PLANS.

for now, i have:

two book writings, one novel (must be submitted before july,, so technically, i dont have much time to waste if i want to produce a quality writing. for those who dont know yet, the novel was actually started as an e-novel in this blog, entitled ANAKNYA, ANAKKU JUA) and one educational book (cant give details until the book is published, but it must be ready by the end of this year. so guess what? i'll still be in shah alam for quite a long time even when i've finished my study) p/s: please anticipate my novel!
one recommended post by my lecturer - malay-english translator (i've applied for the post though i'm a little bit worried about my JPA, still, i hope i will get the job! lets pray with me!)
if i'm fortunate enough to get the translator job, i would go for another thing offered by one academy for undergraduates, things like training and working at the same time. it's about writing business correspondence for companies, something like that and i think i would love to go for it to polish my writing skills, well, apart from being paid for it. haha
this is compulsory. applying for at least 5 POSTS IN THE SPA, as i'm a JPA scholar, and i'm actually bound to their contract. i hate it when i think about this, but the JPA kept me alive all these years, so, its supposed to be PAYBACK time. hahaha. but trust me, as soon as i finish with them, I WILL BE OFF AND NOWHERE TO BE FOUND IN THE GOVERNMENT!

yeah, thats not actually too much, but the book writing demands a lot, and the educational one is the toughest, its educational, what do u expect?

basically, what am i doing right now is a total contrast to what i'd pictured myself doing when i first entered this programme, ENGLISH FOR PROFESSIONAL COMM.

my initial plan was to apply for the Young Lecturer Scheme offered by UiTM.yes, i want to be a lecturer, and i still long to be one, in fact i'm still teaching in the tuition center two nights a week. and basically, the tuition salary is my sole financial source for now. well, since i started it 3 months ago.

but since i stopped getting dean's list award last two sems, i've started to have a blur vision not to go into it. its kinda boring to stay in the same place though my future would of course be well off if i go for it. and there's high chance for me to get accepted, but i wanna do linguistics if i were to pursue my studies. so, i dont wanna apply for many reasons.

i'm tired of studying. (though it's only been 4 years)
i have another things to do now that i know what i can do best.
i want to apply for lecturer posts in the SPA. so, i might still get to be a lecturer.
if i were to apply, the master programme offered by faculty is still not many and kinda limited, and i dont want to do things i dont want to do. (high chance for me to be forced to do so if i still wanna apply for the scheme)
why should i constrain myself for one thing only? life is offering me more, and i'm looking for more. .......greedy.hahaha

so, basically, i dont want to pursue my studies for now, not now. later. its not about money, but its all about me. and i'm stubborn. no one can force me to do things i hate, not even my parents. ;)

so, again, now that i'm free and SUPPOSED TO HAVE MORE AND ABUNDANT FREE TIME, for my readers, i would try to keep up to the schedule of my other two e-novels. (again, PROMISE.)

but promise gives hopes, right? and i trying to put hope and faith in myself too, apparently.

please anticipate my novel, and lets pray with me that our lives would be blossomed with HIS never ending LOVE AND MERCY.....

till i write again...

salam....

kambing and I

2010-02-04T08:40:00.007+08:00

this n3 is not about how am i related to kambing or how interested i am in kambing and vice versa. i dont even know whether the whole lot of family goat know me. goat and i were infamously and disapprovingly related when i was in form 2 in a school in perak.

like i said in the previous entry, i tried hard to forget my past. this entry would be about one unforgettable memory out of many unforgettable and bad memories i had while i was schooling there.

i think this was when i was in form 2, one of my friends worked in the cooperation. my school was a private religious school(agama rakyat). form 1-3 students are separated in class by gender. we never mixed.i dont know if that pattern is still being followed now since the school has become a SBPK (Sekolah Bantuan Penuh Kerajaan) or something like that. i cant remember the actual term.

only when we are in form 4 and 5 that we will be in a mixed class. therefore, its unusual for normal students to have friends from the opposite sex in the school during those days. but since my friend work in the cooperation during recess and weekend, she had the chance to communicate with the boys and therefore, she got updated about the boys' current issues. whats happening, who's dating, who's admiring, who's got names, and so on.

i was our batch's top girl since i always got the first place in my class in exam, and i got famous in no time since i went into the school. but for the whole form, i always stayed second. the first in the form was a boy, and i hate him, till today. i will tell u about this brat later. our school had 4 exams a year. for 10 exams (for the whole term when i was there), i managed to outshine him only once.

since i was the first girl, and he was the first boy, people tended to instigate things between us, and things got worse bcoz we never befriended each other, and he was the leader behind the whole instigation thing! (is that prejudice?)

and the people knew, i think all knew that we were enemies, and we are till now. at least, thats one thing i'm confident about.

and this kambing thing started when i was walking back from school one day to the hostel. i was passing the musolla. (the musolla and the canteen is actually a single 2-storey building. upper level is for musolla and ground floor is the canteen). suddenly i heard a sound. the imitated sound of goat. i looked up, and i could see the curtains moving, as if someone was there and he left hurriedly. i thought that was an accident. means that the person was inadvertently making the sound of goat and it happened to be me passing there. so i ignored the incident. but later, i noticed that where ever i went, to the canteen, to the dining hall, even when i was walking through the isle to the office or to the guard post, i would hear the imitation of goat sound. i was very curious. was this sound made to tease me?

and of course, i have to ask the one who had the connection to the boys. and she confirmed it. they purposely did it. i was very mad, but i dont know what to do. and what kept lingering in my mind was why did they did that? was it because of something i did and they saw it, and it happened to resemble goat or something? i dont know, and until now, i'm still curious. and angry too. who wouldnt?

u were eating, and then u heard the unpleasant sound. u were walking, and u heard it again. u went anywhere, u would hear it. how was i not angry? i was embarrassed too bcoz it seemed that everybody in the form knew (i hope it was just my feeling).

unfortunately, i could do nothing, and i was very mad at this boy. i dont know what's their motive to do so. the only thing i know was if it concerns me, theres only one person who had the power to initiate or instigate something like this. him. bear in mind, i hate him bot bcoz he was the cleverest in the form (in that case, i salute him) but its because of his attitude.

so, i think it is best to conclude that the kambing is him.hahaha.fair enough. i had bad memories bcoz of him, uncountable bad memories! and frankly speaking, schooling here is the worst part of my life.seriously. thats why when i moved out in form 4 (I'M THANKFULLY RELIEVED I MOVED OUT), i heard he moved out too.

for the first year after i moved out, i still visited the school twice if i'm not mistaken, since i still have friends there. but during form 5, i had decided to forgo everything about the school, and i heard in newspapers and also from my father that the school was going through an administration turmoil and the former principal was going to be kicked out of the admin. i respect him, and i regret the despicable decision and the people who started it, though i'm not clear about the perpetrators. only one or two, and these were my favourite teachers when i was there.

i have decided to keep quiet, and keep myself away from the school or my friends.after that. i dont even want to remember schooling there. it hurts a lot. in friendster (before FB is in the office), i initially avoided my friends on purpose.i have them in my friend list, but i never sent testimonials, messages or so on. only on their birthday i guess. and when i entered uitm, some of them, in fact many of them are here. we met twice, and thats bcoz i am among the first to be here, so they are kind of looking up to me.but i never befriend the boys. only one. and thats because we were in the same class together during primary school, but it was only for 2 years before he moved out. but we remembered each other. some of them added me, and i accepted the request. but i never 'associate' with them.

and this guy, one day, visited my page and left me a testi. but in the end, we ended up arguing in words! finally, i had to block him when he started writing foul words and cursing.i dont know. was it my fault? duh! whatever!

in conclusion, i hate kambing.

p/s: if my friends happen to read this, its not that i dont want to treasure u all in my sweet memories, but its hard for me. i'm sorry...

p/s again: one day, i called a friend in UIA and in the middle of our conversation, she talked about this kambing. when the call ended, i realized that thats the worst call i ever did in my whole entire life.its bcoz she talked about him.

This's a story of an A.

2010-02-03T12:10:00.006+08:00

Assalamualaikum wrt...

one day i opened my gmail, and there were not many new mails. 2 from my classmate aka housemate, colleague, coursemate, car-mate, and currently quite close to me since we face each other almost every day. one of the email she gave me is about blood group and characters associated to each blood group. well, below is the table.

	BLOOD GROUP O	BLOOD GROUP A	BLOOD GROUP B	BLOOD GROUP AB
*In a nutshell*	Cannot stand people who hide the truth	Pessimistic and too sensitive	Cannot take orders easily	Romantic and sentimental
*Basic Behavior*	Make objectives clear	Careful about decision-making	Make decisions fast	Extremely practical
	Possess great deal of confidence	Make things clear in black and white	Can be flexible	Excellent in analyses
	Honest, optimistic and energetic	Care too much about social rules and standards	Do not care about rules	Give fair criticisms
			Respect scientific and practical findings	Cannot decide when it comes to important issues
*Tolerance*	Strength and endurance depend on their aim	High tolerance for physical or repetitive work	Maintain the longest interest in what they do	Try to be hard-working
	Give up easily if they find the job meaningless	Cannot take changes easily	Seem impatient	Tend to be impatient
		Lose interest in a hobby easily	Dislike repetitious work
*How do they see their future and past?*	Positive about the past, thus do not regret about the past	Try hard to forget the past	Hard to forget recent affairs, but able to forget past and memories	Sentimental about the past
*How do they see their future and past?*	Seek financial stability for the future	Pessimistic about the future		More concern about the immediate problems than anything else
*How do they express their emotions?*	Usually stable and calm	Able to display cool outlook even though angry	Expressive	Sentimental
	Sensitive towards sincerity	Short-tempered	Cool and objective	Usually cool and steady, but can get upset with an immediate, unsolved problem
	Give frank, direct opinions	Take longer to heal a broken heart	Although joke a lot, could actually be very shy	Can get moody easily
		Sensitive to others' opinions	Change moods like the weather
			Cannot stop complaining when they are upset
*How do they work?*	Ability to concentrate vary from time to time, depending on aim	Perfectionist	Creative and possess new ideas	Able to handle a wide scope of jobs
	Mostly prefer to lead	Handle one thing at a time	Cannot differentiate between work and hobby	Value hard work
	Can overlook details	Work a line between work and personal affairs	Cannot take orders	Quick in understanding
		Highly responsible	Do not hesitate to introduce innovative changes and are not worried about theirs criticisms	Not highly responsible and unable to follow-up on a project until its completion
		Tend to choose hobbies which help them release stress		Tend to be artistic in approach

basically, this is one quite explicit and thorough characteristic study, i must say, and hahaha, this is quite truthful, and most of my characters are well-said under my blood group. what is mine?

hehehe...i'm an A-group carrier.so, i would like to go thru my studied-and-said characters one by one n i would love to EXPLAIN myself.hahahaha

in a nutshell, the A person is a pessimist and too sensitive. My say: i'm pessimist, when i dont feel like there's need for me to work for something, no gain, no pain. and most of the time, i like to let my life run naturally, without any obvious force. i dont like to work for something. even if i like something (but the liking can still be restrained), i will let it be. if i get it, then i get it, if i dont, then be it. i dont feel regret at all. BUT, big BUT there, hahaha, if i like something, nobody can stop me from getting it. stubborn, i must say, and i will go whatever available way to get that very thing.in conclusion, my being pessimistic is bcoz i dont like to go thru hardship.hahaha.BUT, another BUT, if the thing concerns other people, i will do my best to do it. if it concerns only myself and my life, i wont force things. SENSITIVE? yep. very much. only with the person i care.hahaha. very often, i would feel offended by their words even though they dont mean to offend or hurt me. i know that. i'm very much aware that i'm being too sensitive. so, my way to overcome this feelings is by ignoring the thought, and by thinking that, whatever they say, the blame must be on me. i started it, so i deserve to feel hurt. all my fault. and this helps. but, there's one person who is capable to make me cry by just one word. hahaha. my mum. she's very much like me. well, i take after her. we look tough, but very easily hurt, but often we hide the feelings. i'm a good pretender when it comes to feelings, especially to hide good feelings.hahaha.egoistic. if my mum scolds me, it would hurt me deeply. thats why i cant stand her scolds. hehehe. and she usually avoids scolding me.haha. usually, i tried hard not to impose on anyone, but in the end, it always ends up, i'm ignoring others. sometimes, being too independent is a problem too..bcoz i expect others not to impose on me too..hmm, thats something to be given a deep thought.

careful about decision making, make things clear in black and white, care too much about social rules and standards. my say: i'm very careful, bcoz i hate making wrong decisions, and i hate to be blamed when i do mistakes. so, i always think of doing things the best way. but, human make mistakes, and when i do make mistakes, i'll always turn back to ensure that i dont repeat the same mistakes again, bcoz if i do, its unforgivable. i'm obviously a miss perfect. and that makes me a boring person sometimes. but when i dont want to follow rules, i would be very defiant and rebellious. i would go extreme.about rules and standard, of course in the first place, i would be very careful.but if others dont seem to care much, i will just go with the flow.hahaha.and sometimes, the feeling to adhere to rules makes me unable to see small things that would benefit me more.its always like that.haha.i dont like uncertainties, and i always look for certainty. but like i said, if i dont care, i wont care at all. hahaha

high tolerance for repetitive or physical work. my say: quite a yes. i can tolerate repetitive job, especially when i love the work. physical work? i dont think so. but in some ways, maybe if the physical thing doesnt involve or put any part of my body in jeopardy.hahaah

cannot take changes easily. my say: 100% true. its hard for me to change my routine, my self, and i would even get mad if someone try to change my routine or my preferences, in some extreme cases.hahaha (the vic is always my lil sis.heheh) food? yes. i dont like to try food, especially when i fear the food will change my taste forever.hahaha. for instance: budu, cencaluk, and many other pastes. but i eat sambal belacan. its just that i dont want to taste any other pastes bcoz i fear i will be addicted to them later. and i dont want that to happen coz it will change my food preferences...i'm resistant to changes.haha (why would they care too much of changing my preferences anyway??)

lose interest in a hobby easily. my say: i dont know.but maybe this is true.for instance? hmm...cant think of one.hahaha

try hard to forget the past. my say: always. i hate my past.hahahaha. i always have reasons to hate my past...and usually its bcoz my past has someone i dislike very much. and usually, every place i went will have one person i dislike, or one who gives me bad memories.thats why i dont want to remember my past... another reason is, i regret being me in the past...hahaha..my ways of forgetting my past are to ignore my friends, and to avoid reunions.(i'm ignoring the reunion plan for my former school in perak despite many announcements about it in FB)

pessimistic about the future. my say: i dont think so. i'm confident about my future, in long-term. and i'm ready to face it, at anytime. come what may, it will be embraced with high-spirit and strong determination!

able to display cool outlook even though angry. my say: sometimes. hahaha. if i'm close to that person, i will not display cool outlook. if i'm angry, they will certainly be aware of it. but i think what is meant by cool is bcoz i keep quite, when i feel angry or disagree with something, but i hate to say more about it for no point at all. so it would be better if i shut my mouth and just let the tense to cease by itself. but, what happens when i'm angry or hurt is that bcoz i keep quite, usually people wont notice that i'm mad. and they act as usual. and bcoz of that, i would feel like its no use for me to sulk when people ignore me.so, i would be ok in no time.but, if the person keeps quite, and ignores me, things may get worse bcoz i'll not start first, whatever it is bcoz i dont want to let myself hurt again.( moral of the story: if i keep quite, act as usual. dont even mention about the previous things that may have offended me. LOL)

short-tempered. my say: 200% agreed! hahaha. especially when i'm with someone who imposed too much on me, or have strong bond with me. but if i'm not close to that person, i wont show my temper. usually, the vic is my lil sis, or my other siblings.( but not the boys) and parents included, i guess.hahahaha. but my temper does not mean showing tantrum ok. i'll show tantrum with my lil sis only. hahaha. throw things out of the window? naa! no way. a straight and serious, sour face is enough.hahaha. if i'm in a bad mood, i may ignore everything and everyone, walk away, just like that.i dont know if thats what u call COOL...

take longer to heal a broken heart. my say: forgive but not forget. very much true.

sensitive to others opinion. my say: yes. especially when i feel like the person who offered the opinion know nothing about me, and yet he/she speaks as if he/she knows everything. sometimes, this is true. and when i'm in this situation, i would be very pissed off. but of course, i would keep quite, and i'll pretend not to be listening when i actually am. its bcoz no use listening to those with no rights to say things about me.if i could snap, i will.why am i like this? if the person babbling is someone whom i respect, i will take the advice. but if the person talking is like "LOOK WHO'S TALKING", i'll totally ignore him/her.usually, those who like to scold others a lot are usually worse. thats why we're asked to look at ourselves first before prying into others' business. and it would be a better world if all humans hold to this principal.what goes around comes around.one more thing, it actually hurts when people mistook u for something due to ur action when ur intention is actually otherwise.it hurts badly.

perfectionist. my say: yes! fear of imperfection is bad, i know. but to work towards perfection is good! ;)

handle one thing at a time. my say: maybe.not sure.

work a line between work and personal affairs. my say: yes. i can be very cold-hearted when it comes to work.

highly responsible. my say: 200% agreed! bcoz i hate to impose on others. so if have to do something, i'll work my best so that i will not trouble others later due to bad finished job. thats why i hate irresponsible person. if i work with others, i'll conform to their rules, but i prefer to work alone, so that if i'm being reckless, i will not affect others.imposition is bad!

tend to choose hobbies which can help them release stress. my say: very much true! like the one i'm doing currently, writing! i love to write bcoz it helps me express my feelings!

in conclusion, i know this post may change other's perception towards me, especially for those whom i met and befriended virtually. but i dont mind, bcoz this is me. i have my good and bad sides, and if u know me well, u will know how to judge me, objectively. hahaha. (if i fear that to happen, i will not even think about writing this post) by times, i tried very much to control my anger, and i always keep my mouth shout especially when i dont feel like in the mood.. but when i want to be good to others, people will do bad things to me. confused. in this world, it's whether u eat or be eaten. hahaha. but they say, others are ur attitude mirrors. its right though. what others say about u is true, but the thing is, it's human nature. human like to complain about others and they overlook their own selves. thats normal. and it's also human nature, that people tend to judge book by its cover. people usually will not take advice from others whom they think dont have the right to judge them. they judge the person, but not the advice. its also normal. thats why those who can take advices and opinions with OPEN HEARTS are seriously well-respected. seriously. i salute these people, but its hard to find one, though.

for me, if it concerns my work, i can tolerate it, very well. but if it concerns my own self, it takes time, frankly. in conlusion, i am very EGOISTIC, & STUBBORN. ;)

p/s: i dont like to trouble others. but it always turns out, they will think that i'm very individualistic. is that so? ;)

p/s again: i wonder why the characters associated with blood type are mostly pointing out the negative features. where're the good sides??? hmm...

100 and me..

2010-02-02T10:50:00.003+08:00

this is a story of me and a hundred ringgit. my father is the chairperson of our neighbourhood community. he was selected obviously because he looks pious, and he initiated the community thing, and the first meeting was held at my house. so, he was chosen, and he is still in the office now.

our neighbourhood is very much new, and seriously, if u stop by in front of the main gate, (gerbang) u would take a second to register the logic of the 'gerbang', whether u have got the right place or u mistakenly got urself in a chinese cemetery area, seriously. the gerbang looks like there's a cemetery inside!

i feel like launching a picket to force the developer to replace the gerbang with something better. argh!

ok. then, we have unanimously decided to hire a security company to provide security to our neighbourhood, since there were many frightening and threatening robbery cases in daylight reported. one of the victim was injured, but he is lucky to be alive, seriously.

the company takes 100 per house for 24 hours security. if we want half-day, it is 50. so, we take 50 for night guards only. but they carry their job profusely, and i can see their determination in working. i salute them.

but one day, i asked my mum.this was before i get to know this whole thing about the payment.my mum told me that some houses failed to comply and pay monthly to the treasurer of the committee.

me: 50 pun x bleh byr ke? dah la half day je. bukannya bnyk pun. (disagreement)
mum: diorg bukan keja bagus pun. lagipun, yang x bleh byr tu, isteri dia x keja. dia saja. (my mum started to compromise.)
me: setakat 50 je. kalau full, 100 eh?
mum: haah.
me: alah. setakat 100. ckit je. 2 pun x nak.
mum: 100 N**** kata ckit? ish, tinggi taste N****...
me: (groans) 100 tu bleh habis sehari je. but for monthly 24-hours security, worth it la. bukannya mahal mana pun. drpd habis ke benda lain...
mum: bagi ummi banyak tau seratus tu.
me: monologue: seratus tu aku boleh habis dlm masa sejam je.
mum: ummi boleh beli makanan utk rumah untuk seminggu, boleh buat mcm2 lg dgn seratus tu. N**** dh biasa sgt berbelanja bnyk dgn Cik ***a. sebab tu dah tak rasa seratus tu bnyk.
me: (tried to cover my fault) cik ***a tu ada duit, dia belilah macam2. lagipun, bukan selalu dia belanja banyak.
mum: x selalu? hari tu, masa ummi p sana abang sakit, hari2 dia pegi pasar, skali pegi habis 2-300.dia beli buah macam2.
me: dah diorg kena bnyk mkn buah, dia beli la.
mum: yelah, tapi tengoklah buah yang dia beli, anggur, epal, yg mahal2 punya buah. sebab dia punya buying power tinggi. mcm ummi, even if kena mkn bnyk buah pun, i can only manage to buy cheap fruits.sekali-sekala saja. x bleh selalu.
me: yelah... (i dont know why couldnt i just stop rebutting my mum's point, but in the end, i kept speaking rubbish and until now, the remorse feeling still haunted me)

so, in a nutshell, for me, a hundred is synonymous to a 10. living in shah alam, 100 ringgit can only last u for 4 days, the most. if u pay 4 ur food on ur own, and u eat regularly and normally.

seriously. thats why for me a hundred is nothing. i can spend a hundred and yet, i can never trace where the money went to.

some possible reasons of why for me 100 is nothing:

the standard of living in shah alam is inevitably high
my taste has been nurtured to conform with my lust of buying food
i'm a big spender
i dont mind spending though i dont know later where the money goes
i'm not stingy
i love food, and they love me too
my life style has changed since i come to shah alam (i went to the movies, i eat unreasonably expensive food to taste them)
i dont feel like wasting money at all
i cant save bcoz if i do, it means one thing, i have to fast.
i'm lazy to fast everyday.
i love to enjoy my life
the feeling to be ingroup makes me spend more to join others.

basically, my reasons are all despicable. hahaha. thats why for me, 100 is nothing. try me with 1000. i will consider writing about it later.hahaha

p/s: the high standard of living in shah alam is seriously suicidal! thats why i cant wait to leave shah alam once i finish my degree. i would feel happier and better in terms of financial of i stay in kedah. seriously. cant wait to go home! theres seriously no place like home!

which one u want?

2010-02-02T09:44:00.000+08:00

Intro: 4-days of weekend was heaven! serious best giler, x pyh bangun awal, movies three-straight days- Tooth Fairy, Spy Next Door and Adnan Sempit (finally, dpt gak tgk shaheizy sam!)... hahaha...tp mesti reader aku bengang coz entry still sangkut.hehehe.sorry, aku mmg bercuti habis2an.hahaha. mujur sempat gak tulis L&M wlupun tdo kul 2 pagi.memang berbaloi.haha

during these four days, mmg bnyk benda yg bermain di fikiran aku.asal ada je benda terlintas or org ckp something, aku akan fikir, 'this will make a great issue in my blog!'. hahahaha.
but unfortunately, aku mls nk menulis masa tu. so, skrg, masa kerja, masa bnyk keja, tetiba rasa nk menulis lak.hohoh.

semalam, right after aku habis ngajar, kak nuris ajak g Kedai Kopi, dia nk jumpa sha***** n aku nk mkn. aku pun join je la, coz my plan was to go, order, eat and blah. he act nk jumpa kak nuris je, so aku xnk la menganggu apa2 jua yg nk diorg bincangkan. he adalah seorang fasi and he was our fasi masa modul. and now, since kak nuris dh grad, dia masuk program fasi tu. so, diorg dh jd fellow fasi la. thats why diorg rapat. n even though i know him too, we all x rapat sangat. so, aku x nk menunggu skali la. plus i drove my own car. so baik aku blah. dgn nak keja lagi pagi ni, masa aku blk pun dh kul 11.30. drive sorg2 lak tu. mati aku kalau mak aku tau.haha

and when he arrived, we had small talk, and seriously aku rasa cm org bodoh gak la, tapi perasaan itu mutual, and natural la, coz dh bertiga, n aku yg tak diundang. so, thats not an issue la. isunya ialah bila he start bercerita psl awek dia..

punya pnjg intro, itulah citernya. ini adalah hal biasa. org bercerita tentang awek, pakwe, masalah dalaman, dan dia bercerita dgn kak nuris. aku ada telinga, of course aku dgr. but it didnt make any difference since aku x kenal awek dia, dan aku x nak kesah psl diorg.

tapi, apa yg terjadi yg menarik perhatian aku. dia kata, awek dia tak memahami kerja dia. yelah, being a fasi and dlm masa yg sama bekerja gak, of course they demand most of his time. this girl plak tau, and dia kata dia fhm, but dia act x fhm. nk mesej 24 hours, nak call 25 hours, susahlah si laki ni nak buat keja. tul x? tu kata dia. bukan aku.

thats triggers something in my mind. act, mmg ada pasangan yg mcm ni. that guy kata budak tu belum matang, sebab tu macam tu. habis, if pasangan yg dh kawen, camana plak? ada orang mcm ni, bukan x dek. ada lelaki yg dia xdek social life, dpt ppuan yg terlebih 'social'. pas2, bila terlekat dua org nih, pasti akan timbul mslh, si laki nk jumpa, nak call, nak msg 25 hours, 8 days a week but the girl x larat nk keep up coz dia pun ada life lain gak.

bukan skali dua, atau satu dua kes. bnyk. bagi aku, understanding is important. kalau kita suka someone, dan dia ada attitude yg kita x berkenan, theres another thing called compromising.

aku pulak? hmm.. aku jenis yg ego. terus-terang cakap ar. kalau aku couple, aku bukan yg suka mendesak, yg suka merengek, yang suka mintak benda bnyk2 kali. kalau aku mintak sekali dua x nk bg, dah. full stop. malas dh aku nak menyembah mintak benda tu.

tak dek psl la. serius. lelaki yg sesuai dgn aku cuma lelaki yg x suka main-main, coz klu dia suka bergurau, aku takut padah jadinya. contohnya, dia gurau dgn aku, nak tinggal aku dkt shopping complex. serius aku yang akan cari cab dulu. aku tak tunggu dah dia.

itu aku. bab meminta tolong orang, mmg aku xkan mintak bnyk kali, dan cuma kalau terpaksa saja. and this applies to my future spouse jugak la. aku mmg sgt independent. sgt ignorant, dan sgt indefferent. lagi aku sayang, lg someone tu bermakna pada aku, lg tak kisah aku akan jadi. hahaha.

setakat ni, yg malang bersama dgn aku dah 3 orang, tapi diorng agak bertuah sebab my true colour masih samar-samar masa tu. tp aku sgt pasti. klu aku dh berkahwin, nasib la suami aku nanti. hahaha.

lagi satu, this girl, (balik pada cita kwn aku tadi), dia suka bercerita psl ex dia dgn kwn aku ni, merangkap bf dia skrg la. pada hemat aku, tak baik ar buat cmtuh. korg plak camana? klu korg suka buat cm2, apa sebabnya ek? hmm... bagi aku, ada beberapa possible reasons.

dia suka lagi kat ex dia.
dia nak menguji bf dia skrg.
dia x dek keja, saja suka2 nk buat bf dia marah.
dia nk clash, tapi x dek cara yg lebih bermaruah.
dia enjoy buat org marah, dan buat org gila bayang, pas2 dia blah.

tu pendapat aku la. bagi aku, sungguh tak bermaruah. kalau setakat nk ckp "sy mesej dgn dia dlm fb td..." no need la. buang masa. of course la my fren ni marah bila that girl ckp cm2. bagus pun dia marah.

tapi no point la buat cmtu. kalau kau nk report semua sekali yg ko sembang dgn ex kau, buat log book, monthly. senang. hujung bulan, dia baca, dia sign. puas hati.

but if kau bercerita sebab ada masalah, mcm ex dia kacau dia lagi ke, ckp x senonoh ke, x pe la jugak. cm aku, aku jumpa someone yg aku suka, (ex aku yg last) masa aku tgh couple dgn my 1st ex. aku memula x nk ckp, coz mcm aku ckp, no need. but then, aku ckp jugak, coz aku rasa cm x jujur la pulak, but in this case, this is fate, call it instinct.hahaha. aku ckp, dan sebab aku ckp tu, we clashed. laki tu gak yg x fhm bahasa. dia ingat aku ckp coz aku nk clash. dia cabar aku. siap tanya, "habis, apa awak nk buat sekarang?" aku pun, dgn geramnya, dan annoyed, "kita clash je la.." dia: " ok, saya terima je." para pembaca sekalian, agak bongok tak macam tu?

wahai kaum lelaki, if u really want a girl, fight for her. ini nak macam tak nak je. org ppuan rasa insecure bila lelaki macam tu berdamping dgn dia. x selamat. cam bila2 masa je that guy boleh ckp, " kau pegi la dkt kwn aku. dia suka kau." or dia pass kita kat adik beradik dia, cm2 je. ingat barang ke apa?

hahaha..dah, dah, aku xnk emo2. just nk ckp ckit2 je psl ni, jadi karangan lak. mmg patutlah markah tinggi je kalau menulis karangan.kwang3!

but seriously, apa yang penting dlm hubungan? COMPROMISE, UNDERSTANDING, COMMUNICATION. sekian..

p/s: still hangin lagi coz JPA belum masuk!! mujur nk dpt gaji tuition hr ni. leh la tampung ckit2...huhu

A WEEK WITH ME..

2010-01-28T16:17:00.000+08:00

well, suddenly i feel like describing my incredible weekly routine. its not that interesting but its my blog, so what? (hahahaha!) ok. so, we will start with monday of course. oh, by the way, its not monday. its MOANday bcoz i moan whenever monday comes. hahaha.

MONDAY

wake up at 6:08 am.
go to work at 6.40 am.
arrive at work in Wangsa Maju at usually 7.45. the latest is by 8 something, but never exceed 8.30.
work from 8.30-5.30. my job is either to translate, proofread, doing corrections in the soft-copy or double-checking whether the corrections are made or not.
arrive at home at 6.45 pm.
set off for tuition at 7.45.
tutoring from 8-10 pm. (english n BM for standard 5)
arrive at home at 10.20.
doze off at 11.00 (sometimes 12 if i watch tv)

TUESDAY

everything is the same as Monday, except for the tuition subjects.
on tuesday, i teach standard 6 english and standard 5 science (also in english)

WEDNESDAY

same as the two previous days but no tuition. so, our plan is to go to the Bukit Raja cinemas as the ticket is 6 rgt every Wednesday.hahaha.but bcoz of that too, we were disappointed last week when we went there all tired only to discover that every show that we want to watch was full-house until midnight! what a day! we ended up having dinner at the food court (which i regretted buying it cause it was awful) now we learned our lesson which is everybody loves 6-ringgit ticket! so, we would reserve seats online if we want to watch a movie in the future. now we can watch all movies we want! ;)

THURSDAY

the same as monday and tuesday but with no tuition. mood for the weekend is already blooming! hahaha

FRIDAY

all the same with thursday. but once in fortnight(every two weeks), i take one-day off to meet my research supervisors and if thats the case, i will sleep for the whole morning and go to my faculty only at 3pm. anything for my research paper would be prepared before that, which means after i wake up, have brunch, and watch TV.haha

SATURDAY AND SUNDAY

my initial plan would be to get my self enough sleep (in this case, it is called OVERSLEEPING) and to wake up at 11 or 10. then, normal days of weekend. i will either sit in front of my laptop writing new entries for my novels (or else i would get numerous requests in my chatbox asking 4 new updates) or in front of the tv catching up with new movies going around. hehehehe.. i too have to rest. i've heard news from the owner of the tuition centre that maybe i would be having classes during weekends too. then if that really happens, my money in-flow would be awesome but my time for myself and for my novels would be very limited. but if thats the case, i know there's nothing more truthful than to teach someone something more meaningful and factual. so, i hope if it does happen, my fans wouldn't be mad or upset with the late entries. i will try and find ways to updates the novels.

i have to allocate some time for my aunt's family too, whose house i'm staying in right now for the whole semester. maybe we will go and watch movies together or go to a relative's house to pay a visit. these are all possible events that might cause me to not have the time to write. and seriously, after reading this, my readers would understand me.

to write means i have to sit and think carefully. surely i dont want to write a bad piece and present it to them. it would haunt me for the rest of my life. hahaha. i have to prepare things for my lessons at the tuition centre too. and my research. soon enough, it would be very demanding of my time, especially when i've finished my practical training coz by that time, i have to come out with the whole piece of research which datas will be collected and analyzed during the practical training. oh, just thinking of it makes me exhausted. i hate it, but to pass the semester, i have to get at least a B+. then i would be safe.

~end~

basically, thats how i go through my weeks. no life at all. only if we watch movies.hahaha.

P/s: i'm getting really pissed off. My JPA is not in yet! argh!

Welcoming Hilman!

2010-01-21T17:07:00.000+08:00

Actually, this entry should be written on 16 January 2010, but i didnt have time to write. so, its a delayed welcome, anyway.

exactly at 3.15 am, if i'm not mistaken, we were blessed by a new member in the Ariff's family weighed 3.3 kg. he is bigger than his brother, hakim, who is 1 year and 7 months old now. when hakim was born he was only 2.9, the normal weight for a new baby born.

this is the only pic of hilman MMSed by my mum.

cute, isnt he? i cant wait to offer him my own greetings and i'm only going back to kedah this chinece new year! thats bad!

when hakim was born, i met him when he was seven-days old. as i'm currently undergoing my internship, so i cant sneak out and go back even if it's for 2 days only. i'm very busy, and exhausted too.

to drive during the weekend all the way to kedah after 5 long days of working is the last in my list!

but i'm sure my trip back home for the CNY would be a great one since during that time, i should be getting my salary from the tuition centre and also my practical organization, the ITNM. and the JPA should also be in by that time.

so, it would be one heaven holiday for me. hehehe.

Hilman, wait for Ummi Najah!

oh, just a sneak preview of Hakim's latest wipe out. ;)

he is in the tudung saji? God! i was surprised indeed to see this pic when my bro IMed it to me and at first, i thought he was asleep but he was actually struggling and when my bro snapped, it happened to be at the same time, hakim was blinking and this is the result of it. oh, mischievous and adorable hakim. cant wait to see them both!

He loves me, not?

2010-01-18T08:40:00.000+08:00

today, we went out at our normal time to go to wangsa maju,
but since we have to refuel first,
we were on the road later than usual,
and as kak mim said,
we would be caught in traffic jam if we go out later than 6.30...
well, we usually take our leave at 6.40,
and the jam is not that bad,
but today, we were later than 6.40,
and so there we were,
in a long way to KL...
at 7.19, we were still in Subang,
which meant that we were already late as usually,
by 7.19, we would have reached KL safely.

my patience and calmness were kept at the maximum level,
because i know, anything could happen if i were rushing and impatient.
my maximum level of patience is actually synonymous with one normal person's anger at minimum level.
hahahah. so u know how PATIENT i am..

till we reach KL, we couldnt go more than 40km/h and thats bad.
so, once i got the chance to go faster than that,
i did and i was driving at 80km/h.
yes, i know its not that fast for some people but the road is act quite tricky for me, an amateur, as it has many curves and i cant go faster than that with more car than usual around me.

then, i was not letting go of the accelerator when i passed one last junction and when the straight road was visible, there was a long line of cars in front of me about 100 meters from me.

i know with the speed that i was going with,
i cant stop the car at the usual brake level so i stepped on it, as hard as i could, to stop the car
and due to the strongest impact, i heard the tyres screeching and i was paralyzed for a moment. when the car stopped totally, the car was shaking and i couldnt think of anything worse than having my tyres punctured due to the impact.

then, mimi said, "hey, the gear!"
"oh!" and i freed the gear at once, and the shaking stopped.
phew!

but seriously, i was trembling in fear recalling the incident as i tried to relate it with the accident i had not long before i have my license.
i couldnt think of anything than feeling lucky and Grateful upon HIM for his Might that saved us from anything fatal or worse than that.

i switched off the radio to calm myself down
and we went through the next few minutes in tranquility.
no one spoke, no one commented about that, and i didnt wish to hear one either.
i just need to be at peace and i'm thankful they understood me well, or less.

i was thinking about the tyres.
are they in good condition?
my mind had started to mourn for the money i would have to spend in order to get the tyres replaced if something really happened as a result to the incident.
but thankfully, nothing happened and they looked as good as new.
Alhamdulillah....

well, actually, thats the right thing to be done when we are in that kind of situation, and
prob is, i nearly went into panic mode.
thats why i cant think of anything other than to step on the brake instantly.

usually, when we passed the curve,
we wont meet a long queue at such a short distance but since, like i said just now, we were later than usual, its just unfortunate that we met a long queue once the road was visible.

and i really feel grateful and everyone was safe and sound,
and only the tyres got sacrificed, well, a little.

and i know, He loves me.
i will not feel remorseful or not at ease for having to repeat this all the time,
but seriously, I THANK YOU ALLAH.
4 everything.

what have i got to say...

2010-01-13T14:54:00.000+08:00

if today ends, it will make up for 8 days of my internship.
so, what could i extract from these 8 meaningful and fruitful day?
meaningful? yes. they very much are.

since i drive myself from Shah Alam to Wangsa Maju where i am doing my practical, my day starts as early as 6 am.

the first day, i remember waking up at 5.15 am! early riser indeed!
its because we were afraid that we would be lost on our way to the workplace since the road
rehearsal which was done on the previous saturday was only done once, and
i as the authorized driver and the only one cant remember the road well. the junctions, the landmark and so on.

and true enough, i took one wrong route and we ended up circling the highway up and down, in and out for 3 hours, not knowing where to go and which road to take to get back to right route.

thanks to reza, we finally managed to get on the right way to Pusat bandar and our journey continues there. since that was the first day, we werent very expert in deducing and inducing the right way that would lead us to Jalan Ampang and then to Wangsa Maju.

after a thorough look at the signboards and closer look up at the map, we managed to get on the right road.
i dont know how many times i made illegal turning. what i knew was that i didnt have any choice, but to turn left, or right.

since it is KL, u know how busy the road is like.
the people have only one mean in their head: to arrive at the workplace or their destination as soon as possible with the least traffic jam to be gone through.

i've never drove this much and this far daily since i got my license, and it really taught me well.
i drive at the maximum speed of the Kelisa and whenever i step in the accelerator, i pray that the car will share my good mean and will never break down when it is in my reckless yet careful hands.
hahaha

yes.if the car breaks down (God! plz forbid that!), we would have to share the ride with reza and in a way, I'm most grateful as Reza lives around shah alam too. if not, the KTM would be our least-preferred alternatives.

driving all the way to and fro really make me tired and exhausted when i reach home,
and now i know why would ummi nag whenever she has to go out when she has reached home safely from her school.

well, practical is good.i didnt get the chance to be trusted with translations, yet, but i'm gaining as much confidence and building as much trust as possible in my supervisors by doing everything, whatever tasks they entrusted on me with all my heart and my might so that they would trust me with real translations.

the day before yesterday, my heart was blooming when i've finished the sakura petals unfold which i had been working for for 4-days straight! i submitted my completed task to kak nana, and during that time, she was engaged in a conversation with our supervisor, puan jurina. she stopped halfway to accept my submission, and she said, not to me actually, but to puan jurina, "so, boleh bagi buat translation la sekarang." i heard that and i was in euphoria! finally, i got to do a translation!

but puan jurina didnt reply to that statement, but she was merely resuming the things they were discussing before. so, i asked for my leave to go and pray first before i came back for my next task, which was hinted to be a real translation.

i tried not to be overjoyed by what i've heard because i knew very well the up and down in my life.
usually when i get overjoyed over something that i hope for in the future, i wont get it.
so, i performed my prayer and offered praises be to Allah for granting me a happy and long-desired life on me.

and true enough, i didnt get the job but i got to proofread the first book i ever did for the first time when i came here. well, i didnt get too disappointed over the change-of-things as i know, if i dont get something, whether it means that Allah knows i'm not ready for it or the thing would get me bad somehow, internally, or externally.

so, i didnt regret it at all but i did my tasks asap.
i know i have a lot to learn and i know myself that i'm not actually ready yet to translate things but He always knows better about ourselves.

so, if i were to b entrusted with translation task, i would still do my best because by that time, i'm ready to do it.

InsyaAllah.

right now, i have a load of things in concern.
so many.
firstly, my financial throughout this very last sem. the scholarship should be banked-in by today
and i hope it adheres to the schedule coz right now, i only have a 5-ringgit note in my purse and 2-ringgit in my account.

secondly, my debt.hahaha.jpa scholars still indebted to others. what a pity.
when i got the money, deducing all my debt and bills, i would only have around 1800 left in my hands. the car, the living expenses, and many more. once again, Alhamdulillah, i'm staying with my aunt and i save a lot.i dont have to fret about the rents, the food provision, or even the entertainment. what is there to say? she takes us to the movie every week!

but still, the amount of money left worried me, very much.
i hope i would be able to restrain the internal desire of the big spender inside me this sem!

thirdly, my research studies. i really wanna get an A for this paper as it carries 8 credit hours!
but i have done anything yet! oh God! spare ur courage and bravery for me!

fourthly, the whole studies. i want to grad with first-class degree and for now, the dream is close enough as my current CGPA is already at the sufficient level. i will just have to maintain it, or, better if i could raise it for my own self-satisfaction. if i could project my best this sem, my dream will come true.

fifthly, my yet-to-be-born nephew.when will he come out? i wanna go home and see Hakim, and his upcoming lil bro of course! hahaha. i got a false alarm from my mother, saying that my sister has started to feel hurt like it was time for the baby to come out. but it turned out to be wrong. it was infection, and thats why she felt hurt.

hmm..i've started dreaming of my home. well, just a delayed news after all, not a bad news at all.

in a nutshell, i'm truly grateful with my life so far.
i got everything that i wished for in life.
and for that,

ALHAMDULILLAH, THANKS ALLAH, FOR EVERYTHING!

p/s: right now, i have nothing to do. i have submitted the recent task and waiting for new task.hmm...

unscrupulousness = madness+anger

2009-12-25T00:05:00.000+08:00

just finished an n3 for AAJ.phew.

pissed off. this post is written EXCLUSIVELY for girls and guys who plan to get married, late this year, early next year, next 2 years, whenever la.

my advice, one and only one, IF U R NOT READY TO GET DIRTY IN PARENTHOOD, DONT GET MARRIED. TRUST ME. DONT JEOPARDIZE EVERYTHING JUST BECAUSE U R SO EAGER AND EXCITED TO BE SOMEBODY'S WIFE/ HUSBAND BUT NOT SOMEBODY'S MOTHER/FATHER.

why????

bnyk sebabnya. aku geram gler bila tgk mak bapak, bukan yg muda saja (below 23) tp yg dh tua gedabak ni pun x fhm bahasa lg. dh ada anak, jaga la elok-elok. kalau tak nak anak, jgn kawen. sebab, cmana pun, klu dh kawen, mesti dpt anak punya!

pas2 x reti jaga. anak jatuh kerusi, telan segala macam benda kutip atas lantai, makan pelik-pelik padahal baru umur 6 bulan, layak ke kau jadi mak/bapak?

dah tu, gatai nak kawen buat pa? geram gler dowh. korg ingat kawen ni semata-mata jadi suami/isteri? sblm 2, tepuk dada tanya perasaan soalan2 nih.

RELAKAH KORG BIAR ANAK MELALAK TENGAH MALAM LAPAR SUSU BILA KORG TIDUR MATI?
RELAKAH KORANG LEPASKAN SAAT BAHAGIA BERJALAN DENGAN BOYPREN/GURLPREN TANPA ADA TANGISAN/RENGEKAN/IGAUAN YG MENGGANGGU KESUNYIAN ITU?
RELAKAH KORANG LEPASKAN GAME DI LAPTOP DAN FB KERANA JAGA ANAK 24JAM?
RELAKAH KORG SEDIAKAN KEPERLUAN ANAK SEBETUL2NYA DAN SELENGKAPNYA SEBAGAIMANA LENGKAPANYA KEPERLUAN KORG?
RELAKAH KORG MENAHAN TANGISAN ANAK BILA KORG X TAU APA YG DIA NAK? MELALAK PAGI PTG SIANG MLM X BERHENTI?
RELAKAH KORG MENGUTIP SEPAHAN MAKANAN ANAK SATU RUMAH?
RELAKAH KORG DUKUNG ANAK 24JAM BILA ANAK XMAU LEPASKAN ANDA?
RELAKAH ANDA MENAHAN MARAH DAN GERAM APABILA ANAK ANDA CEREWET GILER?
RELAKAH ANDA MENGORBANKAN CERITA NARUTO ANDA BILA ANAK NK TGK KAPTEN BOLEH?
RELAKAH ANDA BAWAK ANAK KE MANA SAJA (SHOPPING, SALOON, DATING, KENDURI) USUNG MACAM XDAK BENDA LAIN NAK BUAT
RELAKAH ANDA TAK TIDUR 5 HARI BILA ANAK ANDA DEMAM PANAS?
RELAKAH ANDA BERMALAM DI HOSPITAL KLU ANAK MASUK WAD?
RELAKAH ANDA HABISKAN SELURUH HIDUP ANDA DEMI ANAK ANDA?

tak rela? rela? rela tak rela, inilah antara benda yg perlu anda korbankan dan fikirkan sebelum anda ada anak. aku jadi geram sbb zaman skrg ramai sgt org kawen muda dan ada anak bila fikiran mrk x ckp matang. dah tu, bila dh ada anak, x reti2 nk matangkan fikiran dan jd ibu yg sebetul2nya.

rela ngadap fb 24 jam, anak naik walker masuk bilik air, jatuh tangga lantak engkaulah. ayah tgk naruto, anak terjun kerusi, pedulik apa. dia hero! tak gitu?

bodoh namanya tu. kalau nk kawen, ingatla. korg kawen mesti da anak. then, ask urself. will i be a good mother? will i be a good father? ni tak. dah ada anak, mula rasa menyesal. tak bleh tdo siang coz anak hyperactive.mlm asyik nangis nak susu.mak masuk ofis, muka dh mcm zombie.

klu x nk anak,buatla apa yg patut. yg plg patut dibuat, x pyh kawen. kawen ni pakej.klu kawen, mesti dpt semua yg dlm alam perkahwinan. x dek pilih2. klu dh ngandung, xkan nk buang? tu 100x bodoh.

ni tak. nak kawen, coz nak halalkan. dpt anak, pening. duit x cukup nak sara, anak buas, sibuk ukur rumah tak habis2. mlm susah tdo. tup2, ngandung lg. cmana tu????

anak terbiar main, mak main game.ayah tgk naruto. anak jatuh sana sini. klu lh tiap kali jatuh 2 ada kesan hitam, dan tak nampak rupa dh kepala anak tu. hitam semua. habis dh asyik terhantuk je? jatuh katil la. jatuh kerusi la. tergelincir la.

ingat kawen senang ke? tau nak kawen. responsibility prnh dgr ke?????????

dlm kamus mmg ada, kamus hidup ko, ada ke???

nk enjoy, jgn kawen la. nk bnyk masa lapang, x yah kawenla. takut buat dosa? alasan pandai bagi. dah kawin x reti-reti. agaknya kursus kawen 2 kena panjang kan lg. x cukup tuh lama tuh. bg diorg jaga anak yatim sebulan masing2, tgk apa jd. fail, x yah kawen.

habis cite. kesian anak jd mangsa mak dan ayah yg unscrupulous. ish!

geram sungguh! geram3!

p/s: syarat baru untuk kawen, dh prnh mengasuh budak setahun. baru syok. baru kau tau LANGIT LUAS KE TAK.

ikut hati mati..

2009-12-15T20:34:00.000+08:00

i thought i am over him. i thought i can make do without him, like i always did before. i thought i wont get goosebumps when he is around, and i thought, i could see him as a friend. but it turned out, i was totally wrong.

two days before, unknown caller called. i answered. i heard the voice, and i knew it was him, but i asked him who he was. he told me his email. i said, ok...whats up? if u could hear me talking, u'll know how icy n cold i was. that was our first conversation, after we ended everything.we did chat sometimes, but never talked to each other. plus he got a new number. and i didnt bother to ask Laila about it bcoz i know there's nothing left between us.it WAS all over!

he asked about something, and i was actually in a rush. i was getting ready for a kenduri, and its near his house. but i was praying hard (before he called) that i wouldnt bump into him.and i didnt.but he called when i was thinking about him. what a long life he will live.

right after he fnished asking about the 'formal' matter, he asked me my whereabouts. straightaway i told him i couldnt talk and i hang up. i didnt text him, he didnt text or call me afterwards.

i was thinking of texting him about the formal thing, just as friend but i didnt.

when they asked, i told them, its over.we chatted sometimes but i'm pretty sure i'll never ever have him in my life again.twice is more than enough and i cant bear to go thru the same thing for the third time. i cant take it any more.

and today, he was there, right in front of me, and we faced each other. i tried hard to be cool, and i succeeded. but deep inside, the feeling was burning hard, melting me again. and i know, this is the price i have to pay for having him residing deep down in my heart for almost 12 years!

i told them that i will not accept him again, but when he was right in front of me, the feeling, was there, once again. and his gaze, i just couldnt look at his eyes. i would divert my eyes straightaway. and i was very angry, bcoz he's acting the same like before, when we actually have nothing between us, bcoz its all over!

i just dont understand! when i'm trying hard to let him go, he will come again, and again, and i dont know until when could i resist this feeling. and lucky me, he's sailing again. and thats why he dropped by today.

i dont know whether his pure intention is whether to meet laila, or to see how am i doing.his chat, the way he talked to me,his words, now, everything is lingering in my head, and his face. i just dont know how to get rid of them when i've actually managed to do that before.

how i hate this feeling. i was strong, but i'm getting weaker and weaker. i could only hope for someone to come, and drag me out of all this craziness and undecided chaos, and make me forget him.

i couldnt go back, because i vowed not to.only if i've proof that the girl is married to someone else, and he is single, FOR REAL, and if i have nobody who loves me at that time, maybe i'll consider taking him in again.

and this time, its for real too.

he told me everything, but yet, now he's acting as if he is available. why is it? and if i let myself fall for him once again, i will not forgive myself.

laila said, "kalau jodoh hang dengan dia camana?"

then, what will happen? nobody cant refuse if its fate. and so do i. if he's for me, no matter how, we would still be together. but in the meantime, no matter how hard i'm crying inside, no matter how bad i want to look for him, no matter how crazy i miss him, i will not look for him. bcoz he doesnt deserve me, after all.

ikut hati mati, right? sigh~

memorable, but not all..

2009-11-24T10:18:00.000+08:00

i met one of my best friends while i was doing Law Foundation UiTM in 2006 yesterday and it was a great afternoon. the last time we met was last year, almost a year ago for the break fast and it was the whole class LWAG gathering, so we couldnt talk privately and we have to go along with the crowd.

we started off with our current activities but of course she doesnt have much since she is already enjoying every second of her holiday but me? oh my, i have my research consultation and right after this, after the raya, i still have to come back to shah alam to attend the ILAN at the Blue Wave Hotel for 2 days. sigh~

so, surely it was only me talking for the first start. then, we got off to the real agenda, our love life! hahahaha. and this time, it was her turn since i dont have anybody and mine isnt as interesting as hers. now, she has this perfect boyfriend, i call him a perfect package actually for he is handsome, (oh my, she must be laughing out loud reading this. just please dont fall off ur chair), he is intelligent, both of them are doing Law in UKM, and he is gentleman, he is everything a woman would seek for a husband and the best thing is, he is the husband type! thats what my friend told me and i believed her because i can see that. I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU SYAZANA SAFIAH AND SYIMIIR AHMAD. whatever it is, i want you both to be happy and plz ensure that u both end up in the dais, ok?(this is a prayer actually.hahaha)

i cant believe she has got her mr Right, (i mean, in the meantime, he is the mr Right unless they fall apart, right?) as during our law foundation, she didnt have any scandal, except for one, but that too was not very serious, unlike me and i kind of hate my life at that moment.hahaha.damn i hate it.

and then, we talked about the video, our drama video posted by an ex-classmate on FB and seriously, i hate it. i had one unforgettable memory about the drama and i wouldnt want to have any remembrance about it because it was awful.

and until now, i still have flashbacks of what happened that one not-very-fine day because it scarred me.it hurts me very much.

then, my friend said, "aku tak berapa suka sebenarnya masa law dulu tapi sebab ada korang, aku happy." something like this and i second her.

though i was miserable during the law foundation, but because i have her, and other friends, i coult still manage and bear with my miserable and unhappy life and fortunately, the law foundation is only a year programme.oh how i hate it.

then she told me she is going to Bandung for a family vacation and oh, how i love it to go there! i havent gone to Bandung but i've been in Yogyakarta and Solo and that trip was one trip that i'll never forget for the rest of my life and if i have the chance, i would like to go there again, especially the Mount of Merapi.

yes, its memorable but not all. we went to places, we met people, and we may disapprove others but still, we have other things we like. so, no choice but we have to make do with what we like rather than looking at things u hate to make u feel better. whatever it is, if i were given a pass to go back to my past, i wouldnt choose any moment but my SMKAY time as thats the only time when i felt lighter and better during my whole entire life. yes. thats it.

i've a sofa only.

2009-11-18T10:41:00.000+08:00

i've just read this one post in FattChinChoy's and it's quite interesting.

its about blogger's package that would serve as the x-factor to attract others to his/her blog.they are undeniably true. but i think i want to add another factor.

the popularity of the blogger before he/she writes set up the blog. well, we know many of us nowadays have blogs, and most of them are celebrities who wish to be closer with the outside world and for that very reason, they set up blogs.

singers (quite a significant number of singers have blogs), politicians like Dr. Badrul Amin Bahron (this group has the strongest reason to set up blogs), actors, tv hosts, radio djs and many more, even writers, like Faisal Tehrani and many other recognized novelists. these people will get the most hits since they are popular, and not only their fans will go after them, but there are also paparazzis, journalists, and not to be forgotten, foes.

and for that very reason too, they have got the highest liability of whatever is written in the blog, and if they want to stay out of problems with authorities and other parties, they must always ensure that their posts are 'clean' as there are thousands, if not millions, of people who care very much about their blogs. but of course politicians dont care because thats what they are.and thats also what happened to Raja Petra Kamarudin as a result of being 'notoriously indifferent'. after all, he wanted to write those provoking things to expose the people to the hidden stories and well, fortunately, he is now no longer under detention and he is released. i'm very certain his supporters love this awaited news very much.

even us the commoners, the public, we cant write as we wish expecially when our blogs are being exclusively followed by relatives, mother, father, brothers, sisters, cousins, uncles, and many other people, including colleagues, classmates, coursemates, roomates, housemates, and those word with mate except coffeemate because i'm certain coffeemate cant use the computer.it is illiterate, so forget it.

and for one very good reason, this is very much true, as emphasized by, again, Fatt Chin Choy, in this post. we are being extremely cautious to write, and we cant actually write and express our mind freely, we have to save others' faces expecially when we want to write about our classmates, coursemates, how angry we are, how frustrated we are, and many others unpleasant feelings that arise during our interfaces witht them pysically in real aunthentic world. and this was what happened to me. and i learned my lesson.

set up another blog with anonymous identity before cursing your classmates!

true enough. hahah. well, i didnt really mean to curse anybody, but at that point of time, i was overwhelmed by anger, and thats why i posted such daring and provoking post.

i guess i'll talk about this later. hahaha.

now, fatt chin choy in his blog said that people got many followers for 2 main reasons, in his opinion, which are very much true and i agree with him 100%.

the appearance or the look of the blogger. handsome and beautiful bloggers have the highest chance to attract more followers and loyal readers of the blogs
the way the bloggers write, attractive enough or not

this is very much true.

now this is about me. why isnt this blog got as many readers or loyal followers as many as my other blogs? FYI, for those who dont really know yet, i have set up many blogs for the purpose of posting my e-novels and creative writing, and actually, the very reason i have blog in the first place is to write e-novels.

so, here are some possible reasons for this blog to have not very significant number of loyal followers.

because i write in english, most of my posts and i use formal english. youth or teenagers or people of the range of my age, they dont actually favour formal english. for most of them, its suicidal to write in english. u have the grammar, the rules, the words, and so on. even if they write in english, most of them will choose informal english, the one u use in daily life conversation with friends and members. on the other hand, its not that i dont want to write like others of my age do but i dont really know how to do it. i dont speak english much and thats why i dont have that influence in my writing. i write following the rule of the books and thats it. when it comes to english, i'm very particular about it. i'm not a perfectionist yet perfect in english but i love english very much and thats why its hard, very hard for me to conform with others when it comes to blogging. plus, i cant even write up to the master of english standard yet as i consider myself a beginner, and there are still very much for me to learn and catch up especially when it concerns vocab. that makes my posts all very uninteresting, lame and somewhat, boring to others.hahaha

what fatt chin choy considered as attaractive writing is the thing that i think i dont have. its not that i cant write interestingly, but interesting is subjective. when u write in formal english, its not interesting at all. when u crack jokes in english, its not interesting at all because people dont get it.when u use sarcasm in english, again, people may find it hard to get ur meaning. again, its all english.

another reason is that bloggers get many followers if readers find the writing surprisingly honest and true, which means, the blogger writes from the bottom of their heart, and spill everything without fear. they talk mad, they flirt, they got angry, they spill their true feeling. and why cant i do that? because i', actually fear the consequences of being too honest because my honesty means provocative. hahaha. so i might provoke others close to me like what happened before though i dont have the intention to do so. thats why i cant do so. and plus, i'm not like that too. haha. i dont flirt, i dont talk dirty, and i dont use foul words. since people know me, surely i cant create the other side of me at all. and thats become a barrier to my freedom 0f speaking, and i am kind of regretting it. and i hate it when i have to write accordingly to my personality. haha

its give and take. u visit others' blog, u comment and create bonds and they will do the same to u. hahaha. my problem is i dont really like to do blogwalking and read some anonymous' blogs and comment, unless the posts are very interesting. i guess in return, thats what happened to my blog. people find it not interesting at all and they read the title, they scheme the whole page and they take off. like what i do to the other blogs. even blogs with e-novels, i cant find the time to read. so, i just let my number of followers to increase slowly and silently. haha. no effort to promote my blogs or whatsoever.

about the look of the blogger, i think i'm neither pretty nor ugly. and i'm happy with what i have. so, if u dont like it, buzz off. haha. after all, i'm not selling myself through the web, so i dont need a stunning body and pretty face to show off. hahah.

people must be wondering why cant i write in malay and be ordinary and conform with others since this could be the main reason why people are not interested in my blogs.

my reasons

i love english and english has always been my major interest since i'm a little girl.
i want to polish my english and the only way is to write in english so that i'll find it an urge to learn new vocab and phrase to be used in my writing.
english is for me, my future and thats why, i want to start using it fully right now, though i dont speak fluently and i still got stumble upon words when i speak in english with my lecturers but at the very least, i'm trying hard to be better.
i'm currently taking english for professional communication and as an effort to improve my english, i have to write in english and that explains why i write very formal.
of course, i write in english not because my malay is bad, in fact, i always got high marks when it concerned english and malay essays during schools. if not, i wouldnt be able to write cerpens and novels in malay.

and so, i think, after reading this post, people will scurry away from my blog and they'll get even more frightened with this blog. hahaha

oh, yes, of course, i'm not interesting, i admit it, even the real me is not interesting to know. but i dont care. because its just me being me and there are poeple even more boring than me. so, its ok, for this blog to have not many loyal followers.my blog only have a sofa, and it cant fit more than 2. so, 2 is enough at one time. haha. so long!

MAID-ay!

2009-11-16T12:56:00.000+08:00

for people who are very keen on hiring maids especially indonesian maids, the issue on the maid's wages that had been seriously discussed and scrutinized before must have been the most interesting topic for them, and so it did to my aunt. from this source, i learned that the Indonesia had actually asked for a minimum of RM800! FYI, even if i earn RM3000 net, i also wont agree on that because its just too much! for 800 u could hire one more maid and u shoud be entitled for 5-star service if u were to waste 800 on a hardly-could-do-house-chores maids!

ok, indonesians who come here hunting for jobs will mostly work as maids, since no Malaysian wants to do the job anymore. however, not all of them are well-trained for the job since many of them have never come to Malaysia, and too bad they first step in Malaysia to work as maid.maybe some of them are good in house chores when they were in indonesia, but different countries require different things. even different employers in one same country will look for different qualities for maid. too bad many maids who have become experts in serving households after 5 years of service, they wouldnt want to stay and serve any longer since they have earned too much that it's enough for them to last the whole lifetime (that's if they know how to manage the money) like what had happened to one of my aunt's maid. as u know, Malaysia RM is of bigger value than Indonesian rupiah, that is for 32 cents u will get 1000 rupiah. here, for 32 cents, u could only buy sweets, sms, and thats the minimum we could go but on the other hand, for 1000 rupiah, u could buy two pieces of kuihs.thats how big the difference is. u could feed ur stomach with 32 cents value in Indonesia when in Malaysia, for two pieces of kuihs, the minimum is 40 cents! kuih no more cost u 20 cents per piece like when i was in primary school!

so, then they leave us with fresh maids who know nothing and sometimes, refuse to learn and catch up things fast to improve and most of the time, this is what happens but of course both the employers and employees have to bear with the situation and just wait for the contract to end (the minimum is a year) so that both parties wont see each other's face anymore.

i'm currently at my aunt's house and i'm staying here for the next 9 killing days! okshe has just got her maid replaced since the previous one had gone back to her hometown and she officially ended her service on 6th of November..

well, she's the third whom i know and now, here's the fourth one. hahaha. the first one is the one we love the most because she's very good. bear in mind, she had been working with my aunt for 7 years! thats why she becomes so good in the house chores and she could do almost anything and please anybody and anyone in the house, even us, the relatives. and of course the attitude counts in too and she is the perfect maid and the best my aunt have got all this while.

when she is leaving, i wonder whether we could ever meet anyone like her anymore and turns out, it's really hard to find her duplicate, exactly like her. she is very sensitive with the guests and she will entertain the guests at her best.

when i came to the house, she will cook for me even if i'm the only one eating and she will serve me. of course i'm not expecting 5-star service but at least, give me food since i'm a guest and of course i cant go there and cook just like at my own house.

so, when i go there, i expect her to serve me food, whatever it is and i can do the cleaning afterwards.i dont mind because i'm a girl and i'm not that lazy to clean and do the dishes since she had cooked for me.

however, things are really different with the new maids and the first one who was hired after her, she is really a kid, she knows nothing and she talked back at my aunt if my aunt complained at her.my aunt, though she is one strict and vocal woman, she became restless with this very one maid. she got frustrated that she wouldnt want to say much anymore.then, the contract ends (i'm surprised this kid lasts for 2 years after nothing worthwhile she had done) and the new maid is someone recommended by a good friend and she's actually a relative of the friend's husband. the problem with this one is she was really slow in picking up instructions and she always did things wrongly. part of it is the language barrier, since she speaks pure Bugis and she couldn't understand BM much. so, there goes another painful yet hilarious year for my aunt.

my first encounter with her ended hilariously.i came to the house to pick up some things one weekday and i left a message, telling her to tell my aunt that i have stopped by. fortunately, i felt like texting my aunt telling her about my stopping-by and i did. the other day, i came to the house and my aunt asked me this.

"what did u tell her that day when u came to the house?"

well, i was kind of curious with that kind of question. i said, "i told her to tell u that i stop by. why?"

my aunt giggled and replied, " u know, she told me that u told her to cook because u r coming back to eat with some other friends."

i gasped. "oh my. i didnt say that because of course i'm not coming back!"

she laughed. "yeah, lucky thing u texted me informing me about that. when she told me that, i had this in my mind, "she must have understood my niece wrongly" and that was what actually happened. she understood ur words wrongly."

oh my, thats bad and not to my surprise, thats not the only situation relating to misunderstanding when it concerned her and my aunt's instructions. there's one more story about Maggi Mee and Maggi chicken cube.

one fine day, she briefed my aunt about the kitchen's provision that need top-up and one of them is Maggi cube. my aunt had told her many times, that is MAGGI CUBE, its cube!

unfortunately, she told my aunt, she needs MAGGI. u know what maggi for Malaysian means of course! it means Maggi mee! and she added, chicken. so, my aunt took it as chicken flavour Maggi mee and the maid wanted 3! at that point of time, my aunt did wonder why would she want this much when as my aunt knows well that her children dont favour that flavour much. can u imagine what my aunt bought responding to the request? she bought 3x5 packets of chicken flavour maggi mee and the maid, upon seeing so many maggi mee raised her eyebrows.

my aunt asked, "is this not what u want?"

she shooked her head. "no. it's this one." and during that time, she was clever enough to show her sample of CHICKEN FLAVOUR MAGGI MEE and turned out, its the cube that she wanted.

oh dear. then my aunt knew from that time onwards, she cant believe whatever comes out from her mouth anymore without actually seeing it. hahahaha. and my aunt was worried of how would her children eat all the maggi mee and finish them all.

when she told me this story, my big bro and i who were visiting her just couldnt stop laughing and i wonder what else will come up after that and of course there are series of hilarious stories that i couldn't recall all of them anymore.

she was partly ok but she was homesick and for the first few weeks, she cried at night and i pity her but i know, its good that she was earning for her family and i salute her for that and of course she served the family better than the previous maid though she did got injected by 'false' stories by the previous maid who had kindly 'briefed' her about how horrible life was with my aunt. how bad. and i cant believe i let her stepped on me by instructing me to do this and that when she were around. oh, how i regret that!

and now, here's the new one, and she is here for not even a month yet and she has got no problem with understanding us and i believe, she is better in many ways than the previous two.of course she is not perfect since this is the first house and she couldnt wait to go home after a year of contract with my aunt since she is married with 4 children. i asked her about the salary and its 450 and for me, thats already quite a lot for them. if u convert 450 per month, u'll get approximately 1, 406, 250 rupiah and thats heaven!

hell a lot and i dont see why cant they make do with it and thats for only a month. since my aunt is very kind, she wouldnt take even a portion of the salary for the maid's food, health care, clothing, and all basic living neccessities while she is here and the 450 goes for her family net.

like i said before, if the maid knows well how to manage the money, she could get more from it, like what the perfect maid did. she bought a piece of land using the money she had accumulated from her monthly wages and from what we heard, she is now a millionaire as she owned and worked the piece of land now. how nice. but she deserves it after 7 years of serving loyally to the family and how i missed her and the good days. muahaha.

i have got another story about 'happy' maids but i guess i will reserve that for later. i've already written much and this will do for today.

again, if u r looking for maids, pray hard so that the maids dont have boyfriends, friends, relatives, or anyone here in Malaysia cause that could be very dangerous, referring to all the mischieve caused by maids with 'company' here. haha.

p/s: hire phillipines. thats what chinese do nowadays since the religion is the same.but for muslim? hmm, this is one big dilemma.sigh~

comes and goes...

2009-11-15T04:53:00.000+08:00

finally, the semester has ended.. phew..but the relief is somewhat temporary until the exam result is out and i know, i have to prepare myself for the last paper, the retailing paper was not that promising to me..

and i fear what i fear the most is gonna happen. naudzubillahmindzalik.

oh. i have a little bit of something to blab.hahaha.about my financial status.
muahahaha..

they say, well, most people agree that if they are entitled to get scholarship, then their life would be better than just relying 100% on Ptptn.

well, they are right actually, but its just that when the person is not wise enough in managing the money, thats such a waste, like what happened to me.

hahaha. praise be to Him, Alhamdulillah, i got scholarship from one entity, and i get about 4+++ per sem. last semester was the first semester for the scholarship duration, so i got the 'tunggakan' for the 3rd sem and it was 8+++ lump sum! and plus, there was another 3+++ from ptptn since i didnt cancel it yet as i got to know that i got the scholarship quite late.so can u imagine i have about 11+++ in my pocket???

i was crazy too, seriously, and of course, the money was spent to pay my debt to my bro, my father, my mom, and some amount was given away as one small gift from me to my parents, and i spared about 2500 in TH for my driving license, and i spent nearly 2000, not more than that for the SOLO-JOGJAKARTA trip and i didnt regret that since the trip was awesome!

and where was the rest of my money? o dear. lend it a few people for they need it more than me, invest it in some kind of, i dont know, company investment or something and it was my dad's idea and now, i'm crazily looking forward to get that money back! and the rest, was spent in my daily provision.

i'm a big spender for ur information, but i dont spend on clothes and handphones and all those things as much as girls normally do.

i eat a lot and i like, in fact i LOVE to buy things that are not really necessary like, erm, i dont know, small things that when u come to realize it, ur money is all gone.hahahaha.

that happened to me, many times of course.

and so, luckily i've already allocated and safely put away small amount of money as my saving, so-called saving in TH and i survived with that money during last sem holiday and also for the car license. i couldnt use my mum's money as i'm a girl and in my family, its not really a priority for girls to have car license so my mum financed only my bros, and i dont blame her coz i know her financial is tight too, and i'm thankful that since i got into u, i dont have to ask her for money anymore since i have my own financial source and i have to make do with everything i have. even if i have to ask for money, its considered debt. i will pay them back when i have the money and thats how it goes since i started my degree.

i dont know. money could come easily to me but they will go away very fast too. i'm officially broke now as my money had to go to the workshop to repair my fren's car that i crashed and it cost me a lot. so, i've no money plus i had to keep the news away from my mum or else, i will never got to see the carkey again, for the rest of my life. so, how do i survived?

with any amount i got, the duit raya i got from my wealthy aunts and grandparents, and i borrowed from my bros, i'm grateful they have money to help me since i have no other person to turn to since i cant go to my parents coz it'll be suicidal like i said just now.

and now, i'm currently relying on my bros MARA, hahaha, what a loser i am..

few weeks before, i posted a status on FB announcing humourously that i'm officially broke. hahaha.

many friends responded to my status, one offering money to lend but i politely refused since i have my bro and i've had enough borrowing, but this one guy whom i met merely in FB, asked whether RM50 is enough.

i said, if it's free then why not?

he replied that he is actually looking for translators for some tasks that he was currently doing and i said, i can be his translator.

i actually did translation before when i was in sem 2 for my friends, and thats their assignments actually, and each gave me 10 rgt and i earned about 40 rgt if i'm not mistaken.

so, that guy and i further negotiated via email and i did one translation as a sample, and he agreed to give my 50 rgt for 7 translation tasks. i of course disagreed since the task he gave me was not of my field, it was business-based and for one paper only, i had gone through quite significant issues to translate them perfectly, and i did my best.

then, we agreed that he would take a look at my work first before we get into the deal, and so i finished the first task and emailed him back.

i waited and waited and until now, this very moment, he didnt reply me. i was thinking, why? but i have learned that this is just normal and i bet he wanted to back off from the deal for maybe he had found another suitable and credible person to do the translation since i'm only merely a first degree english student, so, he was not satisfied with my job.

so, i let it go as for me, the money, of course it's something important and i needed the money very much but when i came to think about it, maybe its not my time. Allah knows better for anything that happens, right?

so, i live my life as usual and i didnt even get a news from the guy, and one fine day, a friend called, a classmate actually.

the very first thing he said when i answered the call, "financial ko ok x?"

i was, well, shocked and taken aback, and i felt like laughing out loud coz of course they know i'm broke!

i said, "yeah, why?"

"ko nak duit x?"

"nakla, pesal?"

"tlg buat dr O aku. aku bg kau 50."

"okkk........"

hahahaha.this friend actually has to repeat one paper and it was multimedia and he knows i'm one goddess of it. hahaha. (self-flattering session, ok??)

so, he had to submit this thing tomorrow and he called me this afternoon. i told him to come by the hostel right away and we'll have to sit down to get the right design for him before i deal with the scripting and so on.

of course i accepted his offer bcoz i need the money, and i love the multimedia job very much, so its not a big deal for me at all.(though my exam would actually take place just a few days after that).

so, i did his assignment and he paid one happy 50 rgt. hahaha. but unfortunately, turned out i didnt complete the task well because i missed out something without realizing it and i feel bad for he didnt want to take back the money even a portion of it though he knew about my mistake. :(

so, i moved on and another one fine day, a senior called and asked if i could do her research abstract translation and i said yes. i did it and she paid me 4 rgt. hahaha. she said thats for my lunch. and then, another senior asked if i could do something for her and she would pay me and i said of course i will.

and so there i was, listening to dr Fadzilah Kamsah's motivational cds for couples and writing down the speech script simultaneously and i got another 50 rgt.

hahahaha..

and the last one, yesterday, again, i translated another senior's abstract and she paid me 10 rgt and thats a lot for only a half page translation but i thanked her very much. but that money of course, like i said just now, didnt stay long with me as when i went to the office to do the clearance, i had to pay 10 rgt for the missing Keluar Masuk card (which i get every sem but never been used since i was in law in 2006) and Activity card, 5 rgt each. sigh.. what a waste but i've got no choice.

i was turned down a chance to get money but yet, i didnt complain and i'm thankful i did that since i got many other money offers after that. hahaha.

whatever it is, Alhamdulillah, Thank u Allah for the air we breathe, for the land we walk, for the food we eat, and for the lives we live.

syukur....

p/s: dpt duit bnyk tp mcm biasa, entah ke mana laa semua tu...haish...

ANNOUNCEMENT: hahaha..to anyone yg rasa2 nk upah aku utk translation english to Bm, feel free to contact me, and one more thing, students only! tp klu yg bukan students tu i will have to take a look at the job first before i further consider it. hehehe ;)

bila Najah ketawa...

2009-11-08T15:50:00.000+08:00

hahahaha..
n3 kali ni, tulis malay la plak.

ok2, campur2.

pasal apa? hahaha. tajuk pun dh suggest kan? ni pasal aku, bila aku ketawa...hahahahahahha

tadi, aku check blog my art pieces, tgk2 komen utk cerpen terbaru yg baru siap pg td, pukul 6 lebey.hahaha.sempat lg.padahal da test ni esok. ish3...

pas2, tukang komen first tu ialah cik timtim, nak sertakan link dia sekali pun susah ckit coz aku mls nk bukak blog tu, dh tertutup td. so, xpe la kan?

so, aku baca2 blog dia, best gak ar, serius. hahaha. aku suka tgk cara2 org bercerita dlm blog. kreatif. serius. hahaha. oh, thats not the point.

pas2, aku tgk kat chat box dia, da sorg ni, nama dia tim gak.hahaha. aku pun klik, pegi la ke blog kakak tu plak.

pas2, aku baca n3 dia psl jodoh. hmm. yg ni, nanti n3 lain aku citer coz aku plan cm nk buat n3 gak utk benda ni.

yelah, selama ni aku emo2 dlm blog ni, mana da aku ckp2 psl feeling ni, emo je lebey.
hahaha.n i bet ramai setuju dgn aku, kan? kan?

hahaha. ok, pas2, aku tgk org yg komen kat dia, ha, ni lah topik utamanya dlm n3 ni, encik Fatt Chin Choy namanya.. (dh bebel lama ni br nk mention thesis statement, dr azni, forgive me!)

dia komen agak funny, n namanya pun pelik, so aku pun klik la, nak visit blog dia lak.

baca n3 pertama tu saja, pasal jodoh, aku rasa tak tahan gila, cm nk pecah perut woo aku gelak! hahahaha.serius lawak. gaya dia tu mmg lawak giler la.

and ops, amaran ye, klu u all rasa tak lawak lgsg, (if u all baca n3 first tu la) sorry, for me mmg hilarious..

tp amaran! utk bebudak bwh umur, ada unsur censored ckit dlm satu perenggan tu, tp disebabkan gaya dia, aku rasa geli hati wlupun sepatutnya aku geli je.hahahahaha.

dh tutup mulut pun x boleh nk tahan jugak.tu lah padahnya bila cik najah dah gelak. ades.

pas2, proceed to next n3, psl kampung dia, n dr pemahaman aku, dia ni org sabah ni. dia citer la psl kg dia and psl kengkwn dia, n tetamu yang cantik.

hahahah.n3 ni lg x tahan gelak. kalau boleh aku dh guling2 dh, tapi coz nk control ayu + x nk housemate kata aku giler lak kan, so aku pun cover ayu.hahaha.

sorry la aku x bg link. bukan x nak, tp x bley bukak blog dia la plak! so, korg cr sendiri lah ye dlm blog dia tu.

pas2, baca lak n3 psl cubitan tanpa bayang. hahaha. yg ni x tahan sebab gaya dia bercerita tu, serius, mmg kreatif. klu dia tulis cerpen (bahana jd penulis) or novel mesti orang bantai gelak guling-guling punyer. hahahaha

hahahahahahahahahah

x hbs lg ketawa. ni lah padahnya bila cik najah dah ketawa.. harap maklum!

p/s: nasib baik x baca buku nego lagi utk test esok. kalau x, hye-hye bye-bye la ilmu aku melayang terbang pergi meninggalkan daku.....~~

what happened to me???

2009-11-05T19:58:00.001+08:00

this is serious.
i dont know why,
but i think,
I THINK,
i am losing sense of myself.

i lost track of time,
i forgot things,
i forgot my appointment,
i forgot the deadlines,
and many other dreadful things that i forgot when i shouldnt...

ok, please, i'm not suffering of any mental disease, for God's sake!
its just that i'm so full of myself and my other self
that i got drifted away, faraway from my actual and demanding responsibilities..

yeah.
i think maybe i, well, act, my mind refuses to think of
those things just because it got me tired,
so i decided to let it go.
most of the things.

and unfortunately,
many other correlated issues fell into the category and
i was actually jeopardizing my own future!

like just now,
well, we have this business plan thing
and before this,
i mean,
yesterday,
i'm into another thing to earn some 50 rgt
and so,
i didnt do any of the business plan.

well, its not actually that much,
but its messy,
and scattered.
thats why it requires quite some time
to arrange and organize it.

and then,
for i want the money badly, i was stuck in front of my laptop
to finish the job for 24-hours without sleeping.
yes.
without sleeping even a blink and
felt like a zombie.

just when i finish the job and
got paid,
i focused on the business plan and
we finally managed to get it done at 7 this morning.

worse part is,
i have been told that the submission is today
and most of the groups
are submitting it in today but not me,
because i forgot about the date
and i thought it was tomorrow,
on the same day of the paper.

so,
when i woke up just now,
and they asked about my paper
and when am i going to submit it,
it was then that i realize i
was wrong, again.

what the fish.
najah, najah...

please!
get hold of urself!
stop forgetting important things!
argh!

and so there i was in the kandang printing and printing and binding
and tonight,
reza will send it off.

bye, bye!
dreadful business plan.
waa!
i hope i dont fail this paper,
though the likeliness to fail
is damn high.

hahaha.
if i fail this paper,
no doubt everybody's eyes will pop out in surprised.
not forgotten mine too.
hahahaha

hopefully,
despite all the difficulties,
i hope i wont fail the paper.
and so do
my other group members.
please, please.

hahaha.
i dont know.
i am tired of everything.
and i want to end everything quickly,
ASAP.

tired.
and thats why i'm letting go many things.
and thats what i have been doing.

i have to find myself back.
before others do it,
and by that time,
it will be too late.

very, very late.

Sorry, but Thank you..

2009-11-03T05:42:00.000+08:00

i dont know whether i should spill this or not.
but i'm hurt.
and sad.
maybe i should just write this in my restricted blog,
but i want u to read this.

whoever u are.

initially, i was mad,
very mad at you.
but it turned out,
i wasnt mad,
but i'm actually hurt.
and sad.
yes.
i'm sad.
and i feel like crying,
but i'm holding my tears very hard.
why?
because i could only cry for someone i called FRIEND.

but my rational mind is arguing with me.
for why should i spill my tears,
for you,
whom i called friend,
when u thought me no more,
than a foe?

yes.
i shouldnt cry.
but i wanted to.
because u are my friend.
but i couldnt imagine,
and it never occur to me.
what do u have against me?
that spurred u to criticize me so?
what is it that u dislike about me?

i wish i could confront u,
and ask u right into ur face.
but i know i cant.
because i'll be crying like no end
once i open my mouth and bombard u with questions..

i know i couldnt.
but i wish u read this.
and please,
answer me,
silently or not,
what is it that u have against me?

because i dont think,
i have anything against u.
coz u r a friend.

a friend i cherish forever.
u might not know,
u might thought otherwise.
but its true.

if not,
i wont feel this way,
for reading ur thoughtless comment,
about me,
in someone else's blog.

and i really didnt see that coming.
i dont know u hate me that much.

whatever it is,
thank u,
friend,
for making me cry...
and i will never again,
cry for u.
and thank you friend,
for calling me stupid.
because i'm one,
for not knowing and not being able to identify u,
as a foe, not friend.
and thank you friend,
for knocking me into sense,
that life is not good always.
and thank u friend,
for reminding me,
about my mistake,
that u commented on
and spurred my anger about.

and sorry friend,
for i wasnt able to be good friend,
that u mistook me,
for everything i said and done.
and sorry friend,
for making u mad,
though my pure intention was not to,
and sorry friend,
for everything,
and nothing,
i gave u,
but purely anger,
and sadness.

and thank u,
friend,
for being my friend,
once.
thanks.
a lot.
for EVERYTHING.

hopefully,
in the future,
our future will not cross each other,
so that whatever happens now,
neither the two of us,
will recall...
cause i dont want to...
as i caused you grief.
and that pulled me down,
in grief too.
great unbelievable and inevitable grief.

SORRY, BUT I THANK YOU..

cursed!

2009-10-30T18:24:00.000+08:00

if at 2 pm just now i considered myself pleasant and favourable and helpful and creative
and intelligent and smart and kind and considerate and LUCKY,

now i cast all the words and the best word to replace all those
is CURSED.

what have i done???
OMG!
i did reza a favour, well of course i'm well paid but now i dont think i deserve all that cause i failed to fulfill the requirement of his job!

go to hell with the scripting!
oh i hate this!
hate it!

poor reza.

reza, i'm so sorry
that i didnt finish my task as u expect me to,
but instead u still reward me full.

i'm so remorseful but i know i could do nothing.
its the scripting and i tried to figure it out for an hour!
well of course thats not a very long time
considering the work is expected to be not that easy,
and its always unexpected to work with the scripting.
but how could the scripting be wrong when i just copied and pasted them?

why?
why did you choose this time???
why?
i have a responsibility to fulfill and now i'm just
someone unreliable and boastful.

oh please.
i will never forget MR DIRECTOR FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE,
AND FOR THE BAD THINGS THAT HAVE SCARRED MY MEMORY,
FOREVER.
EVER.
AND NEVER.

my eco is not very good...

2009-10-29T02:40:00.000+08:00

today, or precisely, at 5.15, i officially ended the economy class for this
very semester and hopefully,
i wont be attending it again.

whatever it is, i'm quite surprised at how i managed to study for the paper.
well, its not that i studied for two or three days straight,
in fact i still got to slip the bohsia movie into my supposed-to-be-busy time last night.
ahahahaha and seriously, that movie is great.
praise and salute for Shamsul yusof.
great job
but unfortunately,
he will not be able to produce and direct movies of that kind again
since the gov has banned any mat rempit elements in movies,
and for me thats a good thing.

i mean when u want to prevent such things to happen, it is best if u dont
tell them how to do it,
coz its like telling them,
"hey dude, this is the right way to do it, do it right!"
and thats what the movie is doing actually.
encouraging teens to go into rempiting.

hahaha.

ok, enough said about movies.

my eco.
well, i was worried, damn worried because i havent started studying when the clock strikes 2 am
and i had only about 10 packed hours to do something
and stuff as much knowledge as possible into my
head.

and so i did.
first, i scanned all the past year papers and i found out that macro accounts to half of the paper.
and macro subjects are much easier and lesser than micro.
and so i studied macro,
only.
well, the rest of the book,
i scanned through just before going into the hall,
and to my surprise, and horror,
i was the only one with two answer booklets.
its creepy because i was like boasting with my knowledge,
and thats obviously what an extra answer booklet is all about.
telling others that u answer more than them.
its horror, because if i did bad than them,
no point for me to answer more than them.

hahaha.
actually my answer is just as mush as theirs.
the thing is how i write.
when i feel like the elaboration is not enough and i have other answers to be written first,
i will just leave few lines blank for the previous answer so that
whenever i have time, i would come back and see
if i could add another things of crap there.
so, that was how it goes.

and that was how i ended up with two answer booklets.
not because i answer more.
but i think i did good,
and i feel good for my analysis
turned out to be right.

well,
at least, i hope my eco wont go for B.
the least i expect is A-.
ok, a B is ok but B+...

o please, let me get an A for the paper.
my IBM is another paper i aim for an A.
retailing? crap. my carry mark barely pass half of it.
and i'm fortunate enough that i passed the half.
etr? another crap. total crap.
the presentation was a total wreckage.
but we still have the paper to score, and the written business plan.
hahahaha.

what a chaotic life i'm living.
well, at least, with my eco passed,
i could now breathe with relief.
sigh~

blended!

2009-10-21T13:35:00.000+08:00

good thing and bad thing happened.

we'll start with the good things first.

firstly, my persuasion presentation was a success i suppose,
and i know i did better from the last time.
and i do hope my eyes were not lying
when i saw dr d marked me in the excellent-good column.
i ireally hope it didnt coz i'm looking forward for an A for this very EPC paper as i did good so far,
in the test.

then, we were given back our carry mark of IBM and it was beyond my expectation,
well, i mean,
i was expecting something bad but it turned out,
i thought i did excellent.
very good so far
and i know if i struggle for the exam,
i may get an A,
the worse i aim for is an A-...
no worse than that please and for that,
i have to study for the exam..

hahaha.

the worst part of me this week is that
i don't know why am i being this ridiculous and clumsy and how did i get into such an
ideal but i mistakenly let myself to live a week late.
meaning that today is 21 oct, but unfortunately i thought it is 13 oct
when the date was actually last week!

as a result, though its not as disastrous as it may sound,
i missed my chance to do my business plan and show it to the lecturer
as by the time i do it this weekend,
it will be the presentation day right on monday and my exam
would follow right on th 28th.

how bad.
actually,
as i thought i had another one week,
i purposely postponed the working on the business plan because
I THOUGHT i had another week before the presentation and i could
have my entire attention focused on that very one thing only
and i still have the time to show it to my lecturer.

but turned out i was WRONG, my BIGGEST MISTAKE EVER,
so, we, the whole group, have only 2 compact days to work it out and it should
for the sake of our grade.

and i dont even have the chance to show it to the lecturer
before it is presented!
how bad it could be??
and i could go for a movie when i should actually be working on the paper!
how could i get the DATE WRONG????

argh!!
ok.

ok, stay calm najah,
stay in good shape,
because you're going to focus your whole attention to
produce a complete flawless business paper this weekend!
and present it as if u r doing a real one!

you can do it!
well actually,
U HAVE GOT TO DO THIS!
and u CAN!

p/s: bebudak group aku semua heran apsal aku bertangguh sgt, tp because of my nature, diorg x tegur la, padahal aku dh slh! x guna betul jd CEO..hahahaa

better be it.

2009-10-14T04:39:00.000+08:00

i'm ok now,
well, i've learned that people dont think like i do,
and i dont think like they do.
its all human.
natural.

yeah.
so, i guess i have to let it go.

but i dont know if this one thing that is just, u know, for being sensitive,
everything, almost everything looks offensive to you
and the situation makes me feel as if i'm the one who did wrong.
i dont know whether these are all accident and coincidence or planned,
by whom, wallahua'lam but i dont like it.

if its between her and me,
why must i feel that as if those people
are acting against me?

well, if they actually are trying hard to make me feel bothered and helpless,
please stop doing so.
well, though i'm not really interested and i dont care but seeing one almost everyday,
u dont like witnessing unpleasant things just everyday.
and everytime.

yeah,
maybe its my fault.
but its just me being me when i'm depressed.
i will avoid, everything or everyone
that would remind me of unpleasant things or situation just to make myself feel better.

thats my own style and i cant help it.
i still talk to them, but less than usual.

its just me.
better than i go and bark around telling how i hate the situation to be that way.
i'm taking my time,
and i'm healing.

but if the situation is not helping and being accommodating,
i dont think i would like it be back to normal.

well, someone told me that if i just go back to normal,
means that talk to her as usual and so on,
those unpleasant feelings would go away.

and if its true that those people are trying to go against me, they would eventually stop
if things has gone back to normal.
yeah,
i know very well it would.
and it better be.

but the thing is i will talk to her,
but not in the meantime.

let me take my time please.
and as far as i'm concern, she understands very well.
its the situation that's offending me.
making me feel very uncomfortable.

if its just my emotional and hurt feelings going after my rational mind,
than it better be it.
coz i dont like it, very much.
seriously.
it better be my own bad thoughts.
it better be...

its all....

2009-10-12T18:37:00.000+08:00

i dont know.
things may look as if it's all settled but for me,
there is still something remained unsettled.

well,
about the anonymous commentator, thats one thing but the thing bothering me much more
is still the marks.

yeah, call me childish.
u dont know the situation and why i'm being such a nagger.

i'm not satisfied with the marks because i dont know we would be penalized for being late.
plus, i asked sir that day, whether it's ok if i register our company late than others and he said ok, and he mentioned nothing about penalizing or whatsoever.
though its only five marks,
but could u imagine being in my place when u got less than what u expected?
its sad.
and frustrating.

and another thing is when others questioned why should i get more when i deserve it?
why am i so sensitive about this?

because i know very well that if i were them,
i wouldn't mind.
if i were them,
i wouldnt question them getting more than they deserve because we're friends.

its everybody's hardwork.
not a person only.
everyone worked hard for what they want.

so if i tried to get my best,
why should they envy me?
i'm not trying to be in their way of success.

i'm just asking for my fair share.
and its ok if couldnt get it.
at least i did try.

yeah. this is all assumptions.
just because i wont do that, so i assume people would also do the same for me.
what a noble thinking.
very noble.

maybe i should just stop being considerate for those called friends.
to avoid hurting.
yeah.
to preserve my very own feelings.
my fragile feelings.

go outspoken maybe?
hmm..but its just not me..
and i couldnt stop thinking about they sayings,
i just couldnt.
thats why i cant bear looking at them,
very much its hurting me when i thought of what they did.

yeah. they say forgive others' wrongdoings,
remember their rightdoing.
but i just couldnt.
i'm sorry i couldnt.

gosh!

2009-10-12T02:59:00.000+08:00

i made a big mistake, and i'm sorry.
i didnt know it wasnt u.
well, i wasnt in my right mind anyway.

i'm sorry again.
seriously.
and whoever wrote that comment,
damn that person.

for making things even harder for me, and u.

i need time to recover.
for myself.
for everything.
and to repent my wrongdoings.

O Allah, assist me with all Your everything.
and Forgive me.
for everything.

what happens when my emotion prevailed...

2009-10-09T19:35:00.000+08:00

well, usually i'm not an emotional person. not that kind of person who would cry over
small things.
i always let things slip by.

because of one good reason.
when i let my emotion takes over,
i'll get emotional and overly-sensitive for quite a long time,
and it takes time for me to recover.

thats why i hate to be sad.
its pathetic.
when i feel bad about something,
and if i start talking about it,
i would always, always, burst into tears.

when i feel that i had done something wrong,
and i'm too angry about something,
i'll burst into tears.

thats why i hate it,
because when i start crying,
i will cry and cry all over again.
thats bad.
for me.

hahaha.
when i was form 5, i cried over something and called my mother straight away to take me home.
during law foundation, i was sad about something,
i called my mother and i just couldnt speak out.
the time i heard her voice, i burst into tears and i cried very hard that
she thought something bad might have happened to my aunt!

last sem, i cried too over some misunderstanding and i called my mother again.
but this time she knew well and let me cry first until i was at the state when i was able to speak out.

then only she listened to me.
i cried badly twice for two different reasons.
but for the other reason,
i was on my own,
while reciting the holy Quran,
i burst into tears.
just like just now.
after maghrib prayers.

and today, history repeats itself.
its just that i couldnt bear it in my heart.
it hurts me, very much.

the moment i opened my mouth, i burst into tears, again.
and i cried heavily, as if someone had died.
hahaha.poor nini.had to listen to me as my mother's substitute.

i didnt want to call her.
i didnt want to worry her.
i just feel like talking,
then i realized,
i didnt actually feel like talking.

i felt like crying.
to spill out and open out myself.
and it could be anyone.
i just need someone to listen.
thats all.
and nini did a good job.

thanks nini.
and sorry for troubling you.
it was that u were there, n i had to talk to someone.
u were there,
and thanks again.

oh my, i feel like crying again.
shoosh tears!
go away!

but my tears said,
"no dear, u need me badly."
hahahahaha.
if i laugh out loud, its just to cover my sadness.
seriously.
however, this offer lasts today only.

i will try to recover by time.
but sorry to those who were affected.

why am i sad today?
for marks?
merely because of marks?
no.
its not the situation,
its the people that made me sad.
people called friends.
usually, i'm more likely to cry because of friends.
well, i call them friends but i dont know if i'm not a friend to them.

its always like that.
always.
o Allah, console me.

sometimes, a few nice words won't hurt...

2009-10-09T00:43:00.000+08:00

we met people, we disapprove, approve, we agree, we disagree with,
we like, we dislike, we hate, we love, its just natural.

we hurt people, we are hurt,
its the nature.
its either u hurt or being hurt.

but sometimes, maybe we shouldn't be too harsh on others.
in terms of words and so on.
yeah, sometimes, i'm a little bit of track too,
but reflect urself.

if we were in that person's shoes, we wouldnt like to be treated like that.
we are just human being, we make mistakes.
we accept mistakes.

we try to rectify the mistakes every time, but if we just cant do it right, i dont think the blame is still on us.
at least they try.

or if they dont,
pray for it.
a few nice words wont hurt.
it hurts when u, the close ones, hurt more than others do as if u understand nothing.

be considerate.
be nice.
if u have to use harsh words, do it indirectly.
sometimes, when others are harsh, we need to be the opposite.
sometimes.

KFC Holdings, Please take note!

2009-10-06T12:26:00.001+08:00

this is one story, a real authentic one about my friends and I, about 10 of us,
who went to a KFC outlet in section 18, shah alam.
our main reason was not to have dinner but to do an online test since KFC has Wifi.

four of us took a table and the other six sat behind us at 1 table.
the single table with four went and got our dinner and each of us bought dinner that cost us ALMOST RM15.
the other six did the test while we ate.
then, someone, maybe the supervisor or the manager of the outlet came upstairs with a very disapproving stare looking at us.

the four who had dinner finished the dinner and we put away the 'dulang' on a clean table since the room on our table was just enough for our laptops and books.

at the table with six, most of them finished the test and they decided to go downstairs to get their dinner.

after getting the dinner, they went to the stairs where the manager and one worker
were standing in the middle of the way blocking the way of my frens.
shockingly, the manager didnt move away until my fren asked him to
and that made my fren very angry.

then, my fren asked a worker whether the outlet is open 24-hours. the worker didnt even made eye-contact and he answered, "dont know".
this is crap! how could he the worker in the outlet not know whether the outlet is open 24 hours or not??

then, my fren cynically asked the worker to send the manager a regard, "kirim salam sayang kat manager tu."
but then, the worker responded with, "mampus aku x mau."

then, he went downstairs for a while. when he came back, he was rebelling by making noise with the chairs and that made us shock.other customers were also surprised and they were looking at us as if WE ARE NOT QUALIFIED TO EAT THERE!

then, my frens who were also angry by his attitude made a mess with their table where they ate, which was another table, not the one with their laptops.

serve him right! i mean, we are the customers and yet they were driving us angry and mad!

then, two female workers who were at the counter downstairs came upstairs while glancing at us
disapprovingly.

now it was clear to us that the worker went downstairs to report about us and now,
we were the criminal. how nice!

then, another male worker showed up and this time, he made me angrier.
he made rude gestures mimicking a MUTE customer who was eating at a corner
and i just couldnt believe my eyes!

i mean, he is mute, so WHAT??? its not he had asked from GOD to be that way!
OMG! i wish the worker is punished some day for his ungrateful action.

then, we couldnt bear to stay any longer. we finished our BUSINESS asap and leave with messed up table for them AS A GIFT, SINCERELY FROM US.

WHATEVER IT IS, i'm not going there anymore. this is our vow!

we have lodged our complaints and we hope KFC holdings will look through this matter scrutinizely.

please, do something so that THE MANAGER AND HIS WORKERS learn their lesson that WE, THE CUSTOMERS have the power to made them go bancrupt, its just that they take that for granted. believe me.

make us angry and u will suffer.

Khas buat ayah2 di dunia...

2009-10-02T23:03:00.001+08:00

buat abah, ayah, papa, daddy, abi, baba, dan semua nama yang seangkatan dengannya....

buat abahku, Md Ariff b Ali...

abah,
terlebih dahulu najah hulurkan sepuluh jari,
kupohon ampun dan maaf,
najah tau najah banyak salah.
lawan kata,
bangkang membangkang,
bantah membantah.

tujuan najah cuma nak menegakkan apa yang najah fikir betul.
mungkin tak betul, mungkin betul.
tapi najah tau,
abah mungkin x menerima hormat yang sepatutnya
abah terima selayaknya seorang abah.

tapi najah nak abah tau,
abah tetap di hati,
cuma semua itu sukar dilafazkan.
najah tau,
najah tak sanggup hadapi hari-hari tanpa abah,
dan najah tak nak abah pergi,
at least not now.
i still need you badly,
as my support.
like you always were.

najah sentiasa mengharapkan yang terbaik untuk abah,
dan semoga semua kebaikan abah dan kesabaran abah selama ini,
berbalas jua satu hari nanti,
sebelum mata abah terpejam.
najah amat mengharapkan semua tu terjadi.
najah nak tengok wajah lega dan puas hati abah,
untuk semua yang abah dah lakukan,
untuk keluarga, untuk ummi, untuk kami.

najah sayang abah.
sayang sangat.
dan najah harap najah akan mampu membahagiakan abah.
maafkan najah.
doakan najah.
najah sayang abah.
sayang selamanya.
Allahummagh firli dzunubi waliwalidaiya warhamhuma kama rabbayani shaghiroo...
amiiin...

p/s: Al-fatihah untuk arwah Abdullah Suhami yang telah pergi pada 24 sept 2009 bersamaan 5 syawal. Laila sahabatku, semoga arwah abahmu ditempatkan di kalangan org beriman....

I'm not persuaded!

2009-10-02T12:20:00.000+08:00

finally, my persuasion presentation is done and it wasnt good.
i hate it.
haha.
my fault for not preparing well.
i started yesterday, researching,
looking up the dictionary,
my bad.

anyway,
its all done.
phew!
negotiation,
entrepreneurship,
mgt!
argh!
all last minute syndrome!

hahahaha
havent started anything.

got modul tomoro.
wasting my time.

waa!
i want to finish all this asap!

well, u tell me.

2009-09-15T13:24:00.000+08:00

have u heard of usrah?
i'm sure u've heard of it.

well, there's something bothering me.
a few friends, join usrah and they are two of them.
they are our housemates too.

well, last time, one of them asked me if i would like to join them but i said i didnt want to.
well, i know i'm being a little bit arrogant but i've had enough if it during school.

why should i do something just for the sake of others, right?

but thats not the issue.
in our house, there are many others and i thought,
these two who joined usrah had done the same they did to me to others,
which is trying to recruit them to join this usrah
but shockingly,
they didnt.

when i learned the truth,
they had never talked about it unless when the others asked them.
they have never asked the others to join the usrah as the way they asked me.

well, they did invite the others but its more like 'ajak-ajak ayam'.

now, the issue here is, why is the situation like that?
well, for me, its maybe assumptions.

and there was also one time when the other members in the usrah came and visit the
hostel but once again, i'm shocked when i learned that they are not very friendly as what
ones in a religious group should be.
why would expect them to be this way?

this is because
when u r in one group who are supposed to ask others to do good,
shouldnt u be the one who start everything?
i mean, talk to others, despite sitting down in a halaqah and start ur usrah WITHOUT
asking the others at all whether they feel like sitting down together with the group.
shouldnt it be that way?

this is what i meant by assumption.
the two may assume that the others have no interest in this usrah thing
when they actually do.
its just that they wonder when would they be invited seriously.

and the others of course wouldn't want to take the first step as they dont really understand the situation.
i understand dearly their feelings.

and i understand too why the two dont really feel like asking.
usrah these days arent really the thing that teenagers feel like doing.
seriously.
if not, i wouldnt have rejected their offer.
hahaha.

but true enough,
those who join usrah would on the spot understand that they are in the minority group and thats for sure.
therefore, they would want others to ask them first about it,
not them taking the first step.

this is what i meant by assumptions.
and true enough,
assumptions do more harm than good.
trust me.

yes, a lone wolf i am.

2009-08-27T20:06:00.001+08:00

well, this is about you and societies.

whatever kind of society la.
club, mission, society, usrah...

huhu.
my mum likes to nag at me by telling how
good she was while she is in my time.

she was one of the early ABIM active members and among the firsts to wear tudung litup.
so, she was quite active in usrah and other religious and physical activities.

unlike me, i dislike those kind of things.
i prefer free time and leisure for myself than getting busy for others.

but i do socialize and have friends.
in fact i have many good friends.
its just that to be socializing formally,
its just not me.

i dont like being restraint to time, and people.
seriously.
most of the time,
i do whatever i desire,
at anytime,
anywhere,
no matter how demotivating the situation would be.

but if have no choice but to conform, i will.
but i have alternatives and options not to,
undoubtedly i wont.

thats why i dont like being in a society or what not.
haha.
but if i am in the society that only recognizes me, not needing my hard work,
i'm more than willing to join that society.

hehe.
my father does a lot of direct marketing kind of thing.
as for me,
duh! i hate it.
i dont want to do things that are fussy.
you have to do that, and this, and that.
argh! hate it.

my bro does the score A tuition.
he tried to recruit me but to no avail.
i dont like to do such things.
its not that i dont want extra money,
who wouldnt?
but i dont want to forgone my free time for other things.

but bear in mind, if i desperately need something,
i could do anything it takes to accomplish my goal.

thats just me.
yes, a lone wolf i am.

Alhamdulillah...

2009-08-26T18:24:00.000+08:00

today i feel better..
because my prob is about to be solved.
thank you Allah.

for granting my prayers by helping me
in finding my extra fund to pay the mechanics..

well, one of my friends paid my money, 300.
one lent 150 to me.
and the other, who was with me during the incident,
wanted to give me 200 but i refused.

its my fault.
so i only took 100 and thats more than enough.
i feel better and now i can breathe rather freely.

thanks my friends,
for ur understanding.
and thanks Allah.
for triggering those hearts and helped me out.

Allah, I'm consoled...phew..

trying my best..

2009-08-25T21:18:00.000+08:00

until now, i've texted my 3 potential money-lender friends and i've one successful.
but she only has 150 to give me.
well, thats better than nothing.

more or less,
i need another 600 to pay the mechanics.
and i'm counting every second.
hoping the mechanics wont call right now
asking for the payment.

poor aizat.
that means he would have to wait until i have got that amount of money needed
so that he could take the car out of the garage.

why arent my friends responding to my message?
i'm so pitiful right now.
luckily its the fasting month.
to finance my daily provision for the time being
wont be that much.

oh please.
reply me friends.
i need u in this big time.
please.

Allah!
Console me!

my big time...i guess.

2009-08-22T17:06:00.000+08:00

well, this week, i've had a very long week...
i'm tired..seriously..mentally and physically.
i cried, o yes.
because i could no longer keep the burden inside.

firstly, its because i think this is the biggest prob ever,
that i've been faced with.

and it involves money.
well, its not that i dont have money.

but my money are lent to many others.
and though i need the money badly,
i cant ask for the money from them.
coz they dont have the money to pay me back right now.

i'm tired.
seriously tired.
cant believe it, till this moment,
that i have got this prob.

i know this is a way.
Allah uses to teach me a lesson.
never ever forget him.
that he is the Almighty.
no one can be above him.

and i know.
i've got to learn a lesson from this.
to equip myself for the future.
for bigger things than this.

i've got to be strong.
like i always did.
with every little bit of courage left.
with every little pride left.
with every drop of tears.

this is not about money alone.
this is about belief, courage, determination,
responsibility.
this is about me.

face it najah.
this is real life.
i have to go through this before i'm considered matured.
o yes.

all this while, i would always smile,
though i have no money.
but this time,
i feel it hard to smile
bcoz i have burden.

i laugh over my probs.
because i dont want to think about them.
for every problem i have,
i would always get away
from thinking hard.
by laughing.
and forgetting.

for the very first time,
i was hit hard.
i cried for the first time.
and i feel very bad.
very, very bad.

plus i couldn't tell my parents about this.
only my brothers know.
and thats bcoz i would be needing them
for money.

i'm tired. very, very tired.
please.
tears and sadness!
let me go!

MAJ front-left view

MAJ front view. abang tow yang sengal da dtg.but thanks, he act 'helped' us out,
a little.

by the time MAJ was pushed up the tow truck.

MAJ on the tow truck. poor MAJ.

MAJ from faraway. in front the police station of s. 11, Shah Alam.

This is MY STORY..

2009-08-17T23:30:00.000+08:00

well, sebelum ni, aku tak cerita sgt dgn org lain, psl kisah aku.
aku sibuk tulis cerpen, novel, cereka.
maybe this time, i should write a real authentic story.
MY OWN STORY.

aku suka sorg guy ni, sejak kecik lg.
serius. sejak kecik.
and aku ikuti perkembangan dia secara tak langsung sampai kitorg besar.
technically, sampai aku umur 20 tahun, tahun lepas.
aku buat keputusan besar dlm hidup.
agak besar gak la bagi aku.

i made the decision to tell him,
that i like him.
tp aku x mengharap.
dan nak dijadikan cerita,
dia terima pulak 'proposal' aku.

so, bermulalah cerita kami.
5 bulan berlalu.
n kami lbh kurg cm couple la.
and serious.
perasaan aku, of course kian mekar.

for me,
dialah segala-galanya kot?
masa tu.
until one day,
dia cakap,
dia sayang another girl.

well, i cried. once.
and aku marah sgt coz all this while,
he deceived me.
and he played with my feelings.
yg aku simpan sekian lama utk dia.
tak ke sakit jiwa macam tu????

ingat aku senang2 nk suka orang ke????

then, kwn aku ckp,
dia sbnrnya,
x mainkan perasaan aku.
sebab dia pun syg aku,
sbagaimana aku syg dia.
tp, he has to choose.
cuma dia agak bodoh.
sebab lambat memilih.
tp tu pun kira bagus
sebelum semuanya lebih parah.
mungkin.
dia hancurkan hati aku
sebab dia nak hentikan harapan aku pada dia.

so i can live happily.
well, bila aku dgr cerita sebenar,
i forgave him.
and i chose to let him go
after all
aku orang ketiga
aku yg salah
that very girl
i dont think she knows about me
so,
i prefer her not to know me
and that his guy
menduakan dia
wlupun sekejap
sebab aku tau
hancurnya hati wanita
wlupun belum kahwin
belum jadi hak yg sah
tp hati wanita
mesti sakit
kalau lelaki yg dia sayangi
dan mengaku sygkan dia sepenuh hati
dlm ms yg sama
sygkan org lain jugak

siapa tak marah?
kan?

so sekarang tau kenapa aku marah sngt dgn waheeda dan akhil hay?

1. sebab diorg icon artis agama, tp perangai diorang dh menjatuhkan maruah org
lain yg seangkatan dgn diorng
2. aku hormat diorg sblm ni. so aku x sangka, diorg boleh jd sebodoh tu
3. sebab aku sndiri pernh alami benda ni. lelaki tu, sendiri lepaskan aku
sebab dia x sanggup nk sakitkan hati
his first girl. logik kan? ni baru namanya setia.
4. aku sndiri sbg wanita, faham, hati wanita jika terluka krn wanita. so, bukan ke waheeda patutnya fhm jugak, yg dia patutnya lbh memahami semua tu?
5. klu nak ikutkan, aku mmg selfish. tp x seteruk smpi nk rebut laki org. coz i know my rightful place. knp ada perempuan boleh rebut laki org??????????

kalau rasa diri tu bagus sgt dan deserve org yang sekufu, ni lah masanya nak uji diri. sama ada kita ni betul ok ke tak. uji kesetiaan.

then kau akan tahu, macam mana or di mana tahap kau sebenarnya.

after all, lelaki sentiasa menunggu peluang. mslhnya perempuan ni. x reti2 bhs.
buat laki rasa lagi megah. tolonglah. jgn jatuhkan maruah wanita.
OK????

smpi skrg, aku dh x brp dgn laki 2, but we're still friends.
but one thing for sure, aku takkan terima balik laki tu.
sebab aku tau, aku x deserve dia.
dia pun x deserve aku.
hahaha.

wlupun feelings aku kat dia
boleh kata
dh well developed
tp still
aku boleh forgone
apa yg dh jd
wlupun aku sakit hati
tp
memikirkan aku buat baik kat that girl
aku rasa puas hati
coz at least aku tau
aku tak menyebabkan air mata wanita lain jatuh
dramatik
tp mmg tu je yg aku fikir

so, fikir2 la.
life is always a matter of choice.
we both chose to let each other go
and thats the best
for the three of us.
thats what all others
who are involved in this kind of relationship
should be doing
and yes,
i'm damn serious.
ok?

naudzubillahimindzalik.

Salah Siapa?!

2009-08-17T16:21:00.000+08:00

lelaki
bila isteri ada salah sikit
mulalah rasa sakit
alasan membukit
katanya nak cari yang elok sikit
padahal diri sendiri ekonomi perit.

lelaki
kalau yang kuat agama
bab kahwin naiknya sama
time nikah turut agama
bila mintak nafkah agama entah ke mana

lelaki
dah cerai tak tunggu lama
6 bulan kot paling maksima
sebulan, seminggu mula mengada
sana sini mengintai anak dara

kenapa aku rasa nak membebel tiba-tiba?
sebab aku rasa lelaki susah nak percaya
dapat yang setia Alhamdulillah bertuahnya
tapi masalahnya nak tau camana?
setia ke tak mereka?

hai wanita
nasib badan je la
doa banyak2 tu je senjata
kerja tinggi2 kumpul harta
lepas tu laki nak tinggal lantak dia
daripada kita je membela perut dia
sakit hati membendung di dada
baik hidup sendiri coz hidup kita yang punya

so, sekarang salah siapa???

p/s: reaksi ke atas satu laporan berita kahwin artis semalam. serius aku sakit hati.
takdir memang Allah tentukan, tapi bala manusia yang cari.
kita bahagia orang lain sakit hati, bahagiakah namanya tu?
aku pedulik apa dengan cerita di sebalik hidup diorang yang aku tak tau.
yang aku tau, apa yang terjadi sangat2 menyakitkan jiwa.
hairan aku dgn perempuan yang menyakitkan perempuan lain.
kita memang ramai, tapi perlu ke jatuhkan maruah diri demi lelaki?
TAK BERBALOI.
SANGAT TAK BERBALOI.
SEDANG LELAKI TEPUK TANGAN SERONOK TAK TERKIRA
BILA KITA BERGADUH BERSENGKANG MATA SEBAB DIA.
inilah kebodohan di depan mata.
aku benci.
sangat benci.
dan geram.
dan menyampah.
dan meluat.
dgn org2 berkenaan.
semoga Allah tunjukkan jalan yang benar.
Amiiiiin.

Eccentric Eight!

2009-08-15T18:51:00.000+08:00

saturdays...

my saturday?
well, usually, i wake up late and took lunch as brunch..

but last night, nini told me about the plan to visit (well, its not actually to visit, its to climb)
the Nip*** Hill as they call it, (i strongly oppose this name ok??) and i didnt think i want to join them, at first.

but when i thought it over, if i were to join them, this would be my first ever trip or going somewhere
with my housemates, all of them.

so, i decided to follow them...

first thing, wawa and i woke up quite late..
and i hadnt told them that i wanted to follow them.
so i was in a rush and luckily,
i managed to tell wawa to let them know that i was coming...

second thing, we had to cross the road and its suicidal...
i didnt know that we were standing in the middle of the road and i stepped 2 steps backward..
then suddenly a car passed by with a loud horn, alerting all my friends and even me myself...

then i realized that i was about to be killed if it was not for the driver's courtesy not to hit me!
what a fortunate start of the day, dont you think so?

then, there went all the climbing things..
and i wasnt a fit person..
i get easily tired and thats what happened..

moreover, we didnt do any workout before climbing...
luckily none of us got crammed legs...

we climbed to the top, and we took the first picture of the hill..
this is it..

nini, feeza and i, in blue tudung..

there was also the picture of sunrise and it was awesome.

thats for our first check point.
then we climbed further and finally, we reached the top...finally...(hard breathing)

haha..crazy..that's us!

REFORMASI! ops!

thats me! above the puncak perdana heights!

love this!

awesome! this is us! eccentric 8!

some of the pictures were taken by me, and i am so self-flattering that i must admit, my hands are really good in taking pictures!

hahaha..nice pics arent they? and though i dont have my pictures imprinted on them, i still love these pics!

This is was taken by feeza, and i love it!

so, in conclusion, these are my housemates and me..

a few words for you my friends..

we may come from different places..
we may speak different languages...
we may prefer different thousand of things...
we may have clashes...
we may hate each other sometimes...
we may not know each other in depth...

but still,
we are housemates,
classmates,
we compromise,
we comprehend,
we give in to each other,
we comfort,
we tease,
we insult,
we do things together,
thought not everytime we see each other..
and thats because,
WE ARE 1,
in each other's heart,
and we have given a corner of our heart,
for each other,
that's why,
one day,
if we meet somewhere,
you can't say you don't know me,
coz deep inside ur heart,
there is US,
residing in a corner,
always,
forever and ever.....
love u guys... ;)

~2A15~

najah
wawa
nini
muna
feeza
aisyah
ayuni
anis

SuNnY SoBeR SuNdAy...2A15???

2009-08-10T12:18:00.000+08:00

hr ni hr ahad..ahli rumah seperti biasa, bila sampai hr ahad,
semua sober terlebih..kesan dadah g kelab malam smlm masih kuat...
hahaha! soberlah sangat!

aku?
subuh dah bangun..haha,aku budget mesti semua org pelik tgk aku sem ni,
hr2 bgn awal kot???

ahad pun aku dah mengadap laptop awal2 pagi..
biasalah...

aku bangun,
nampak muna di port biasa dia,
tengah rumah, atas tikar, dgn buku menemaninya di sisi..

ayuni tgh mengadap laptop gak.
awal dari aku...

aisyah?
tgh mandi kot..x perasan...
wawa? tdo lg..serasa aku dia tidur lewat giler..
coz aku bukak fb ada kerja dia 2 hours ago..
means 2 hours ago mata dia masih dicelikkan lagi...

nini?
entah..tdo kot?
anis pun rasanya..
feeza?
ish, mana aku dan nk tgk smua org pepagi buta! ades!

aku nak mandi ar, coz baju 2 hari dh terperap.
menunggu dibasuh.
tp aku tangguh kejap.

hehe.
muna tgk aku depan laptop, terus bangun duduk.
dia heran tgk aku dh bgn,
so mestilah jam dh pukul 12 tghari, tul x?
tp 2 dulu ar..

tp muna bangun gak..
aku tunggu muna keluar dr bilik air..
masa ni aku rasa ramai dah celik..
xcept wawa! haha.

aku merewang tepi ayuni yg tgh menengok Nur Kasih dia,
siap dgn headphone kat kepala.

muna keluar, dtg dkt aku n ayuni.
dia tertunduk-tunduk nk menengok apa kebendanya yg sedang ditgk ayuni.
skali..
bap!
'haa! tengok sorang-sorang!' suara muna dan actionnya menepuk blkg kerusi ayuni
bisa membuatkan jantung aku gugur!

ayuni cpt2 tanggal headphone, aku terkaku, x terkata apa-apa.
'muna!' 2 je yg terkeluar dr mulut aku.

'kenapa tgk sorg2?' marah muna, tp xde la serius sgt.
ayuni muka dah serba salah.
hahaha.

pas2, satu rumah yg dh bgn dtg, tgk amenda la yg dh jd.
hmm, diorang ni suka tgk nur kasih ar.
smlm plan nk tgk sesama la kot,
tp nk dijadikan cerita,
loading kat you tube, cam siput babi je..babi pun laju lg..
so, tertdo lah yg lain, kepenatan sm sebab diorang join larian
SAF pg sabtu...

ayuni pun,
'jomlah tgk, dh hbs loading dah,' ayuni pujuk muna.
muna pun tarik kerusi.
yg lain2 x pyh panggil,
elok je beratur tgk now showing..
nur kasih.
harga tiket?
entahlerr...

aku? eh, kejap, tertinggal satu benda.
muna (lepas action yang agak mengejutkan tu) tanya aku.
'najah, sapa dlm blik najah?'
'wawa la, sapa lagi.'
'eh tak, dia pakai tudung pakai sweater,'
'hah? mana ada? wawa membuta kot?'
'x dela, muna keluar toilet tadi, muna mcm nmpk ada org pakai sweater, pakai tudung,
bila muna lalu, dia tutup pintu. muna ingat najah, tapi najah ada kat sini.'
'hehe, ada lah tu sesapa. lantaklah. janji tak kacau aku sudeh.'
entitikah itu? huhu. wawa dh ar tdo mati. jgn mati sudeh.

pas2, wayang pun bermula. aku g mandi ar, pe lagi.
hbs mandi, dgn pakaian wajib aku lepas mandi,
dan kepala berbungkus tuala, baju dh basuh 2 baldi,
aku tgk budak2 ni dh bersurai.
wayang dh hbs.
aisyah tgh bersiap sedia nak menyapu.

aku tgk aisyah.
dgn selamba beruknya aku cakap.
'hah, bibik, sapu elok2 ya. lagi satu, hr ni masak kari. saya tak nak sup2 sayur ni,'
aku dgr nini ketawa berdekah-dekah dlm bilik.
aku sengih je.
aisyah?
'kepala hotak kau.'
dia ckp kat aku.
hahaha

bila aisyah dh mula menyapu,
'syah, terima kasih la tlg sapu tmpt aku. hahaha!'

ayuni jeling aku.
'najah, pakai baju!'
aku jawab.
'eleh, kemban macam ni orang malu! pakai baju sekerat2 org x malu! aku pelik dgn dunia ni!'
ayuni gelak sopan dia. aisyah senyum je.

pas2, aku duduk kat meja yuni, tgk nur kasih nya video dpn mata.
aku pun play ar.
dgn keadaan baju x sempurna, aku membongkok coz x leh nak pakai spek, mata x nmpk,
aku tgk smpi hbs.

bebudak ni layan hana kimi pulak.
hai...
nini jerit,
'sapa nk tgk hana kimi?'
aku jerit gak dr luar.
'now showing ke?'
muna ketawa.
'haah!'
aku tanya lg.
'harga tiket brapa??'
'rm20!'
'fuh! melampau tul! x pelah! x jadik!'
hahaha! mujur aku dh tgk.
hek eleh, panggungnya bilik nini jerk, tiket smpi RM20?? 20 sen pun belum tentu aku byr!
hahaha...
wawa? berdengkur lagi..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....

wawa bgn dlm pukul 11, semua dh ready nk g lunch.
boleh semua tahan perut x mkn tunggu lunch,
even bgn awal sekalipun?
tulah dr. d kata, budak2 muda nmpk older,
sebab mkn x betul. skip breakfast..
huhu..mls daa nk turun...

g kafe adam, dulunya kafe ibu, beli lunch..beratur 8 org amik nasik n lauk.
hr ni semua satisfied, harga murah abang tu kasik.
ramai belasah sotong n udang.
haha.

sedap! nyam2!

tgh mkn, cm besa ar, sesi mabang. hah? apa mabang tu?
ish, tu pun x tau ke?
makan+menyembang= mabang ar..
x betul ke kiraan aku?
eh hello! m3 aku A tau! hahaha

pas2 mcm2 isu la keluar. smpi x ingat dh.
tp yg aku nk cerita, isu muna nmpk someone other than aku n wawa dlm bilik.
pas2 teringat lak isu anis kena tindih dengan 'nini' ms sem 3. hahaha.
nini kata,
'alah anis! aku tau kau mendambakan aku!'
anis pulak jawab,
'pala hotak kau! kaulah yang mendambakan aku!'
dah sudah. kang aku nyanyi lagu Dambaan Pilu meleleh pulak semua.
heeee...

hbs mkn, aku tdo.
wawa amik BB..
aisyah,
'najah! kain baju kau!'
eh, haah ek? lupa lak nak sidai baju. dah lah 2 baldi. tp x la bnyk pun. saja aku
asingkan.
aku pun dgn malas tahap melampau, g ampaian, sidai baju.
pas2, cpt2 aku g tdo.

nk tdo 2, agak x sedap gak ar. tp siang kot? nak takut apa?
aku x nak takutkan diri aku.
spnjg tdo, ntah apa jd aku x tau.
kalau aku tau, x la tdo namanya.

aku bgn 4.20 ptg, solat zohor. coz ms aku tdo blum zohor lg.
wawa,
'good morning!'
aku sengih.
'pandailah kau!'
gelak besar.
wawa cabut BB.
'nah! najah, amik BB!'
'eh, kau x nk guna ke?'
cheh, x ikhlas pun tanya tu. hahaha
'tak pe, aku nak buat keja.'
aku pun smbung la kerja blogging yg x prnh hbs.
hahaha.
siap tlg buatkan blog aisyah lg 2.
sapa entah tanya wawa,
'kau balik ke 1st puasa?'
'eh, tak tau lg, knp?'
ayuni dh muka sedey.
'nini adik dia ajak balik.'
'along kau balik?' ayuni tanya aisyah.
'haah kot.'
pas2, aku pun, tgk muka ayuni dh mcm ayam berak kapur, keruh dr kapur,
aku ckp,
'x pe ayuni! aku tak balik! kita makan semua makanan yg ada! kerang bakar, ikan bakar, ayam bakar!'
ayuni pun layan jelah.
'haah kan najah! kita makan semua!'
hahaha

dtg pulak si Mas Ju.
nk amik buku.
bukan buku je.
simpanan movies aku,
games,
keja dr o,
sumer dia bedal.
huhu.mujur soft copy.
nak kedekut pun x boleh.
hahaha.

g dinner lak. keja makan jek ni?
aish!
g kandang.
diorang tanya aku,
'kau mkn dgn kitorg?'
'yelah, hbs 2?'
'x lah, ingatkan dgn azie. yelah, selalunya, kau mengasingkan diri.'
'heh, x de maknanya mengasingkan diri. azie dgn mimi. sekali sekala mkn dgn korang lak.'
heheh.

pas2 aku ckp kat diorang, aka muna, anis n wawa di belah kiri aku.
'korang tau tak?'
diorang x tgk aku pun. aku toleh kanan lak.
'x pelah, aku ckp dgn korang. diorang x nk dgr aku ckp.'
aisyah n ayuni mcm biasa ketawa jerk.
'dr cni boleh nampak KLCC n KL tower.'
'ish, taklah,'
'yalah, aku nmpk bnyk kali dh. 2 hr lepas, aku nmpk dgn mimi n azie.'
dgn kondifennya aku bercerita.
'mana?'
'kat belah kandang. nanti kita tengok, if langit cerah la.'
anis n feeza g tikuan.
diorang ni pun tanya lagi.
'mana najah? tak nmpk pun?'
aku pun tgk ke arah 2.
ada satu tangki air besar, dan puncak bukit.
aku tunjuk kat nini n wawa.
'kau nampak tak tong besar tu?'
nini kerut dahi.
'tong besar? tangkilah!'
'eh!'
'oklah, tong besar, hah, kenapa?'
nini dah sengih2 penuh makna. ades. tangki air aku ckp tong jek? sabar jelah.
wawa pun ketawa.
aku buat bodoh je, aku tunjuk ke arah tu lagi.
'antara puncak bukit tu and tangki air tu, bhgn plg rndh 2, patutnya kat c2 boleh nmpk.
tp mlm ni langit x cerah, x boleh nampak.'
kuciwa gak aku. hajat x kesampaian.
'ooh, x pe, nanti bila2 tgk lain.'

g kandang, port biasa, Syok-syok.
'korang nak mkn syok-syok ke?'
nini tgk aku.
'kenapa? kau nk makan tak syok ke?'
'heh. tak la. mana2 je.'
haha. pragmatik hbs.

order mkn, order air, abg waiter lak buat lawak pandai.
'air ni ada 9 ni!'
'cuba abang sebut balik.'
dia sebut satu2, semua 8.
kitorg pun apa lg,
'ish! abang! x reti kira ke?'
abg 2 blh dgn malunya besama sengih pnjg.

ada satu air suam, along punyer.
air yg kena bancuh semua dh smpi,
air suam ni plg susah nak buat kan, so x smpi2 lg.
hr ni mmg hr mlg along.
air lmbt, mee dia dr bandung pun lmbt.
huhuhu.
'terbang dari bandung! jauh tu!'
perli ktorg kat abang tu bila dia dtg hntr mee bandung.

aku beli roti canai sama, nak rasa.
satu roti telur, satu roti biasa.

balik dinner,
bebudak ni bergado pula psl tactic in persuasion.
psl that's not all.
ades.
pening gak aku nk memahamkan.
anis ada contoh lain.
nini ada contoh lain.
feeza ada cnth sendiri gak.
muna siap g amik buku, nak check balik.
aku?
smbl menyuap roti canai,
aku bergadoh dgn diorg gak.
hahaha.

bebel punya bebel,
bangkang punya bangkang,
tepis punya tepis,
akhirnya,
ktorg agree dgn satu conclusion.
that is,
one situation or one offer, could cooperate one or more tactics.
hohoho.
nilah anak buah dr c and d...

pas2, aku guna BB smpi kul 12, aku bg wawa, aku masuk tdo.
tp susah nk tdo.
pertama kali sem ni,
aku tdo bukak pintu.
rasa x sedap.
hahaha.
susah gak nk tdo.
x nyenyak.
dan akhirnya, aku bgn bila ada org ketuk pintu,
dan aku dgr suara mamai wawa menyahut..
sekian...

p/s: ni sbrnya cita psl aku, bukan korg! tp pelakon pendukung itu penting yer...hahaha!thats why watak korg kena ada gak! hehe..

~2A15~

najah
wawa
muna
anis
feeza
nini
ayuni
aisyah

when Najah talks about love...

2009-07-21T17:24:00.000+08:00

well, i overheard my housemate speaking to her fiancee, (ops! sorry to whom it may concern.)

well, it wasnt anybody's fault...my housemate probably thought i wasn't listening as i had my headphone full-covering my ears when i actually had muted the song to give way for the azan asar before...

well, they sound happy, and i am happy for her...
they sound not only happy, but sincere, pure, and religious, maybe?

she wears full-cover always, and i respect her..as for her fiancee, surely he is a true muslim practitioner from what she told me...

i wonder, whether i would also get the guy, who is a loyal and true muslim, who will guide me as what he should be doing later on, if he were to be my husband...

i wonder whether the one for me is the one who loves islam, Allah and his Prophet as he loves himself..i wonder...

hopefully, my mr right is like that...
and i'm waiting...
always waiting....

missing her...

2009-07-20T22:04:00.000+08:00

this post would be about my mum..well, she went back to SP today at 10.30 in the morning, and i was in puncak during that time...and of course i knew she was leaving...

she came here for my brother, and because she was in a 4 days leave... so she decided to come here as my brother is recovering from his injuries following his fall last thursday..

well, my mum and i slept together for three nights as my brother slept in the room, which could be considered as mine because i sleep there when i come here, to my aunt's house...

we slept on the same mattress, and i am used to waking her up from the couch for the past three nights because she was very tired during the day...

yes, she was getting older and i've started feeling lonely because she is not here, with me and tonight, i sleep alone, like i always did before...

its just that i'm used to having her besides me and suddenly she is not here...
the loneliness is coming and covering me up...i miss her..

and my birthday, which was 2 days ago, on the 18th of july 2009, my 21st birthday, was quite memorable, because ever since i entered uitm, i havent got the chance to celebrate my birthday with my family, let alone my parents as my birthday falls on the first month of every second semester of the year...

but this time, i celebrated my birthday with my family, my aunt's family, my brother and my mum, and it was splendid and awesome!

the cake was good and thanks to cik hada for the cake..i really appreciate that...

well, i think i have to get busy or else i will get a homesick and surely it will last for quite a long time if i let it take over...

bye for now...

p/s: ummi, how could i sleep tonight without you beside me??

doomed...

2009-07-15T00:31:00.000+08:00

monday last week, i was waiting for kak nuris to pick up..we were supposed to be heading back to puncak because i had to register my name in the college system..
suddenly, i got a message from my sister..it says, hakim is in the ICU..he fell from a chair and he stopped breathing for a while.
i called my sister immediately and tears were streaming down my face and my sister was crying loud too..
kak nuris arrived and i told her..we went to puncak as planned, i registered my name, left my things under the stairs of my block and we rushed to s. 17, to the station bus.. i took the 2.30 bus back to SP with only my hand bag with me.
i arrived at 9, my brother had arrived minutes earlier...
i took my bath at mak's house and my father sent me to the hospital, to accompany my sister that night...
it was sad to look at hakim..he was a little bit pale but healthy and stable..thank Allah..Alhamdulillah...
for 2 nights we stayed at the hospital..i was touched by my mother's words..she was having a programme in Pulau Pangkor and she couldn't come back for the family when she was told the news...
she said on the phone, 'THANKS FOR COMING BACK.'
i said ok.
the next day, early in the morning, about 8 am, a phone call coming in from kak lin, saying that my brother, who had gone back to UIA on the 2nd night i was at the hospital, fell down from a building...she gave me the phone number of the friend who called her informing the shocking news and i called him immediately...
my brother tried to get into his room through the window as the door is locked and he didnt have the key..he was in a rush to join a trip and the clock was ticking...
he climbed on to the so-called cement attached to the building and when he lifted one foot, he fell down..
he was injured on his forehead, leg and back of the head...he received 5 stitches at the back of the head and lucky him, no blood clod in his head due to the accident..
that was on Thursday..my mother called me and her voice was shaky..she was crying hard...poor her..we all went to shah alam where my brother went right after he was discharged on the same day...
my family stayed for 4 days and 3 night and they went back to SP on the sunday...
right now, my brother is recovering and he is enjoying his MC very much...

these two accidents hit us hard..my family..i dont want neither of these two things to happen again in the future..they could have given my mother, mak, and abah heart attack but fortunately, we dont have the history of the disease in my family line...

i skipped the first week and now i'm back..
no more accident please...
and moral of the story, dont climb the window for whatever reason!

When Hakim turns 1 year-old...

2009-07-06T08:12:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum... Assalamualaikum... Assalamualaikum Hakim... Assalamualaikum...

p/s: please sing with the same rythm of the original 'Happy Birthday' song...

Well, for your information, my Hakim, my nephew, is turning 1 today and I miss him dearly... I'm however quite happy as his birthday falls in the same month as mine does... As he turns 1 year old, I would like to do something.... This post will be just like a gallery of his timeline during his first year living in this world...

So, we will start with his first photo...not really the first photo in the house, but merely the first photo captured by my own hand phone..when he was about 6 days and I went home to meet him for the first time...
Hakim, Ummi Najah miss you very much!

Now, let's take a look at images of him sleeping, but please, don't be sleepy, ok?

I think this picture was taken, of course, secretly by my eldest brother, when Hakim was about 6 months...cute, isn't he??

I think this was also when he was 6-months-old... sooo cutee!

This is him sleeping in his baby's chair in the car...sleep and sound...

What? In the 'buaian' but not really sleeping?? Hmm, I think we should take a look...

Well, well, this is Hakim's nature..he hates it when we put him in his walker, or in the 'buaian' because it is really not his favourite to take a nap or even to sleep at night..he prefers wondering on the floor picking up anything, I repeat, anything on the floor and put it in his mouth... he wants to play every minute and if we put him in the 'buaian' without really watching him, he will climb out..and that happened once, when I was watching him sleeping (and unfortunately, I fell to sleep to), he climbed out and landed hard on the floor..until now, that was my biggest regret for falling asleep..lucky he was not injured..poor Hakim...Sorry dear...

This picture was taken on the last night before I came back to Shah Alam...it was about 10 p.m. but he still didn't want to sleep, so, he sat down in his 'buaian'...whining for people to take him out..and usually, I am the person responsible for taking him out from his 'buaian' when he should be sleeping...

Well, he was running amok to force us and make us take him out of the 'buaian' but to no avail...hehe...

Wait..what can he do by now?
hmm...

Laughing
Mimicking others' mouth
shouting very loudly
crying of course
crawling very fast
standing (while holding to others)
whining
standing in his 'buaian'
protesting
and many more unpleasant scenes to be watched...including eating lizards sh** from the floor...hahahaha

These are his mimics...

"I'm the Prime Minister!"

"I'm the sexiest boy on earth, well, on nappy only. And push-car."

"What am I looking at?"

"Can someone tell my Ummi that I've had enough of photo-taking? I want my pillow!"

"What? We didn't get the tender? Oh, gross!"

Hahahaha...Hakim, Hakim...I love you!

Well, this is one last image of him, doing commercial for Halagel toothpaste...well, I will ensure that he get paid for that!

HALAGEL TOOTHPASTE...USE IT FOR HEALTHIER, SHINIER AND MORE TEETH...IT IS PROVEN..I HAVE SIX TEETH BY NOW AND I LOVE BITING PEOPLE!

I think that would be all from me, and Hakim, of course, as the involuntary actor...
Maybe, there will be more when he turns 2 later, and one more is coming...I hope this time it is a girl...hope so! well, see you later!

p/s: I want to call him and wish him Happy Birthday but I wonder whether he will respond to me..better wait until he can speak real language...hehe...

Dengan Nafasmu...

2009-06-24T20:54:00.002+08:00

here is one great song from ungu..

in my opinion, this band's songs are all great and superb..

i first heard this song when i went to the Putri Giwangan Jogja Orpahanage in Jogjakarta last february..the orphans' band presented this song together with the another song also from ungu, i cant remember the title..but all i know is that i've fallen in love with this song, the rythm and also the lyrics..it's meaningful to me..here is the lyric...

IZINKAN KU UCAP KATA TAUBAT,
SEBELUM KAU MEMANGGILKU,
KEMBALI PADAMU,
MENUTUP WAKTUKU

IZINKAN KU SERUKAN NAMAMU
SEBELUM NYAWA DALAM TUBUHKU KAU AMBIL
KEMBALI PADAMU

KERNA KU TAHU,
HANYALAH PADAMU,
TEMPAT KU MENGADU,
TEMPAT KU MENGELUH,
DI DALAM DOAKU...

DAN DEMI NAFAS YANG TELAH KAU HEMBUSKAN
DALAM KEHIDUPANKU,
KU BERJANJI KU AKAN MENJADI YANG TERBAIK..
MENJALANKAN SEGALA PERINTAHMU
MENJAUHI SEGALA LARANGANMU
ADALAH SEBARIS DOAKU UNTUKMU....

LOVE IT! i have the song in my mp3 player at the left side of this blog...click the next button until u find the song entitled-DEMI NAFASMU, UNGU...
believe me, it will not be ur greatest regret to listen to this song...hehe...

may peace be with him...

2009-06-16T13:24:00.000+08:00

he was a friend's friend...i don't know him personally..only when my friend told me that i knew him..he is Ammar Zulkifli, the one who died in a car accident in Cairo...he was a MATRI student and Ikhwan met him there..
from ikhwan, i know he was a great person..when i watched the video of his body arrival from Cairo,i felt like crying...
he was the eldest from 7...he was studying medic in Cairo..
very young yet he has gone home to his creator...forever and ever and he is never coming back to us...
good and great guy is hard to find nowadays and he was one of them...great people die young they say...and i'm certain he was a very great person...
watching the videos made me think of myself and my spent days of life...what have i done in my past? have i done enough for me to get a pass to die peacefully?i dont think so...
it reminds me of my own deeds...i know i am not included in the category of Great People...having lived for almost 21 years, i'm certain my life is not even 1/100 of good deed...
o Lord,please,retain my heart in your religion and in your faith..always...

YA MUQALLIBAL QULUUB, THABBIT QALBI A'LA DINIKA WAA'LA THAA'TIKA...AMIIN...
ALFATIHAH FOR AMMAR ZULKIFLI..MAY PEACE BE UPON HIM IN THE HEREAFTER...

down,down and down the drain...

2009-06-12T09:42:00.001+08:00

i got my result and its suicidal...its not that i'm unhappy because i didnt get good grades and i couldnt even maintain my very own record...but its because i'm worried now that i have discovered that i never studied bcoz i never did...
i tried but to no avail...i have never studied before and now i really have to because i'm alredy going down the drain and i'm at wits end...if i keep this very attitude this opening semester i will really be in the drain this time...
seriously i feel like crying but i know i mustnt cry because its all my fault..this is my wake-up call.

WAKE UP NAJAH! YOUR GRADES ARE SLOPPING AND THIS IS YOUR VERY LAST CHANCE! IF NOT, DONT EVEN DREAM TO APPLY FOR THE YOUNG LECTURER SCHEME!

the problem is,I SERIOUSLY DONT KNOW HOW TO STUDY AND SIT AND READ...i just dont know how people could do that because i never did...
expectations...i know all lecturers were sighing looking at my grades...even i myself dont know when will i stop sighing...

i'm not angry if my friends get better than me because they deserve it...but i'm unhappy because i couldnt even maintain my grades...and i'm slopping by time...its just..too hard for me...but i know this happens for reasons...to wake me up from the fantasy that i myself created...i never studied for languages paper and i succeeded three times but this time, it's showtime...no more aptitude counting...its either u grab it and make do of it or let it go and fail...

dr. d is calling...i realize now that i could no longer smile and laugh when she speaks to me like i always did before...this is really a wake up call for me...

i know it could never be too late to change, or even to study a little bit..just for this one and then, BYE BYE BUSINESS MANAGEMENT!GO TO HELL!

lucky i never bought the books...what a waste...how i hate it!

takut giler!

2009-06-09T19:42:00.000+08:00

waa! exam result ni tak kuar-kuar lagi! aku dah gelabah nak mati! aku memang dapat rasa kali ni insticnt aku utk x jd budak dl lagi betul...habis! kalau cm2 hbslah rekod peribadi aku!
tadi, aku check portal...tgk da link exam result...aku klik la...dah nervous kat situ, siap bukak tutup mata dengan tapak tangan..punya gelabah...skali...result asasi je da yg dh kuar...
maksudnya aku tak leh aman lagi skrg...please, please...jgn bwh 3.5...Allah!!

TAG FROM NEMO

2009-05-21T15:14:00.000+08:00

1) Apakah hubungan awak dengan dia (INSAN YANG MENGETAG ANDA)?
she is one of my blog readers and followers...and the first who tagged me!

2) 5 impressions terhadap si dia..
hmm...
-she loves japanese language
~she is a dental technologist
~she is cute
~she is loud (guessing)
~she is happy-go-lucky
wanna know more? befriend her!

3) Perkara yang paling memorable dia pernah lakukan kat awak?
she tagged me firstly!

4) Perkara yang paling memorable dia cakap kat awak?
'kan dh kena tag dgn nemo..jwb jgn x jwb!' hehehe....

5) Kalau dia kekasih awak, awak akan?
erk!we are straight!

6) Kalau dia jadi musuh anda, anda akan?
i dun think she could ever be my enemy!

7) Kalau dia jadi kekasih anda, dia perlu improve dalam?
impossible thing to happen!hahaha

8) Kalau dia jadi musuh anda mungkin kerana?
not relevant.....

9) Overall impresion tentang dia?
very cute and cheerful person...

10) The most desirable thing to do to her/him?
hmm...maybe dia buat kat sy...buatkan gigi bila sy dh x de gigi..hahah...

11) Apakah anda rasa tentang pandangan orang terhadap anda?
it varies...lain org lain ragam...

12) The character of you for yourself..
temperamental...depends on the people i'm with and the situation...

13) On contrary, the character you hate about you..
muahaha...susah nak ckp baik2 dgn org yang aku x respect...

14) The ideal person you want to be with..
someone like my bro???

15) For people who like you, tell something about them..
they dont understand me deeply...

16) Ten people you tag..

~knini
~sapa lg ntah
~x tau la
~dh x nak jawab
~mls lerr
~hahaha
~sy pun x tau
~bye3

17) Number 2 ada hubungan dengan siapa?
hantu...

18) Is number 3 male or female..
muahaha..no answer...

19) If number 7 dengan number 10 ada relationship.. Is it a good thing?
mission impossible! but hantu dgn hantu boleh kot?

20) Number 1 belajar apa?
sama kos dgn aku!hahaha

21) Macam mana dengan number 5 dan number 8?
ntah

22) Number 4 single ke?
mungkin ada 5 bini jin...

23) Say something about number 6..
x tau la...

24) Number 9 kelakar ker?
argh! pening!

p/s: NEMO! THANKS!!! LUV YA.....

TAG FROM MISS KIRA

2009-05-21T14:45:00.002+08:00

1) Apakah hubungan awak dengan dia (INSAN YANG MENGETAG ANDA)?
she is my best reader!

2) 5 impressions terhadap si dia..
hmm...
-she is supportive
-gila novel
-rajin memberi komen membina
-suka kira yamato (kebetulan novel sy ada nama dia)
-hmm, i suggest u all berkenalan dgn dia lah...hahaha

3) Perkara yang paling memorable dia pernah lakukan kat awak?
she is one of my readers yg plg sy ingat coz of her supportive comments!

4) Perkara yang paling memorable dia cakap kat awak?
bukan ckp kot, dia tulis je...hmm...

5) Kalau dia kekasih awak, awak akan?
erk!we are straight!

6) Kalau dia jadi musuh anda, anda akan?
i dun think she could ever be my enemy!

7) Kalau dia jadi kekasih anda, dia perlu improve dalam?
impossible thing to happen!hahaha

8) Kalau dia jadi musuh anda mungkin kerana?
not relevant.....

9) Overall impresion tentang dia?
very supportive reader!

10) The most desirable thing to do to her/him?
hmm...buat cerita psl dia???hahaha

11) Apakah anda rasa tentang pandangan orang terhadap anda?
it varies...lain org lain ragam...

12) The character of you for yourself..
temperamental...depends on the people i'm with and the situation...

13) On contrary, the character you hate about you..
muahaha...susah nak ckp baik2 dgn org yang aku x respect...

14) The ideal person you want to be with..
someone like my bro???

15) For people who like you, tell something about them..
they dont understand me deeply...

16) Ten people you tag..

~knini
~sapa lg ntah
~x tau la
~dh x nak jawab
~mls lerr
~hahaha
~sy pun x tau
~bye3

17) Number 2 ada hubungan dengan siapa?
hantu...

18) Is number 3 male or female..
muahaha..no answer...

19) If number 7 dengan number 10 ada relationship.. Is it a good thing?
mission impossible! but hantu dgn hantu boleh kot?

20) Number 1 belajar apa?
sama kos dgn aku!hahaha

21) Macam mana dengan number 5 dan number 8?
ntah

22) Number 4 single ke?
mungkin ada 5 bini jin...

23) Say something about number 6..
x tau la...

24) Number 9 kelakar ker?
argh! pening!

p/s: MISS KIRA...THANKS FOR BEING A VERY SUPPORTIVE READER!

when i hate someone...

2009-05-12T21:35:00.000+08:00

i'm not an angle and i do hate people for reasons...and when i hate someone, i really hope that others whom i talked to about him will not say anything that sound like they are taking his side or they are defending him..i hate to hear that...

and for that reason, the same night i read the bit** blog, i talked to a friend, someone i consider close to me, about the other person whom i hate very much, amin akhir, from muc... i told her about our argument in frenster and how much i hate him and guess what she said...she kept saying that he actually did that (he visited my page first and commented) coz he likes me and he wants to befriend me or something like that...i got very angry because i didnt expect her to say that...i seriously hate her words that moment that i fell like exploding...seriously...and i slammed the desk due to high level of impatience...

i dont give a damn of what he thinks or feels bcoz all i know is that he is rude and insane...and i seriously dont want people whom i trust to say something like my friend said bcoz i felt like she had betrayed me by saying something nice about the guy, whatever it is...i had another friend from muc and i called her one day..she talked about that guy and suddenly she was teasing me about him as if i liked him or something...what the heck! i regretted calling her that day and i still feels regret till this moment...

you are all my friend and arent you suppose to not say nice things about the people i hate? i mean, at least dont relate me with them in any way bcoz i HATE IT!! you can say nice thing about them and i will listen, only listen...why cant you all just listen to me that moment? if you want to give ur opinion, u may say them but not when i have refused to listen...please..i'm hurt when i have to listen about ur defending-him opinion especially when u think that i like him or he likes me bcoz i know its totally gone off the track...its not even the topic that should be discussed about...

i can accept and listen to others opinion, seriously but not when the opinion its about those i hate and its opposing me or threatening my discretionary in any way..please...

BOSSY BITCHY BIT**!

2009-05-11T18:18:00.001+08:00

At first I thought why should I write about her and take up even a partial of my blog memory just for her when she is NOBODY to me? Well, I think I should reward her for her kindness CURSING me in her blog…

Well, miss bit**y… read and please try to not understand but ABSORB my words carefully..oh, how I hate speaking to you..its hell!

Did u really really dying to know why I hate you so much? Well, first, let me ask you do you even know that I have never known that you exist? Well, its only after I discover your bit*** blog that I know, ah, this girl exists..well, that’s why I can’t talk to you I guess, or even look at you…it’s because I can’t see you…and please take note that I can only see VISIBLE THINGS…so sorry but I seriously don’t know that you are here and you are paying so much attention to me…and you are hurt coz of me…so sorry(go to hell!)

I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Firstly, its because you are damn bossy and hypocrite. You never knOw how to make friends..you only know how to order people around you and read this, THAT’S YOU! I dislike and avoid those kind of people...you come to people when you need something, and you ignore them when they give you no benefit at all…well, I guess I don’t have to tell you about urself…you know urself don’t you? I guess….

Secondly, I seriously hate you because you never talked to me and my friend before but you talked to us that semester for a very good reason and that’s obvious…suddenly, you became so nice and maybe you don’t realize this but you sucked! I have always knew why you were so DAMN FREAKING NICE and that’s why I ignore you..because I want you to know that I’m not RAIZA (whom u claimed to be idiotic sabahan and of course u treat her as a slave) because I know you very well and I don’t give a damn about you, IDIOTIC SELANGORIAN! Argh! Feel like slapping you but my skin is so allergic to bossiness…sorryyyyy….

I don’t want to give reasons anymore…to make a long story short, I HATE YOU. That’s all. Simple, right?

Well, now, let us recall what happened during the MPP election…what? You can’t remember? Oh, you are so forgetful as an elephant…oh, no, no..the elephants have already warned me, oh not only the elephants but all the animals all over the world have asked me not to relate them to you, because they too hate you…muahaha..even the cats run away when they see u…I saw that…hahaha..its not about you disliking the cats but its them who hate you…

Okay…I was asked to be the APB nominee and I asked for some time to think it over….of course I was curious for you, the BOSSY BIT**, didn’t seem interested…then here came the message from you (my hp crashed because of ur virus attached 2gether with the message) EXPLAINING WHY YOU DIDN’T WANT TO be MPP….the thing is I don’t give a damn of what ur reason would be bcoz ur tongue is no longer bercabang dua but its parted to hundreds! You may create hundreds kind of stories and I just DON’T CARE!

Then, all of a sudden, I heard that you have sent ur name as one of the nominees of APB making it two…do you know something? As I said before, my skin is allergic to bossiness and basically, I’m allergic to you and that’s why I cant bear being in the same place with you…I’m sorry..its the skin, not me…muahahaha! Therefore, I was about to submit my name and fortunately, the news got to me(news about ur bossiness spreads very fast and they always do) and so, as I did, I didn’t give in my name…because if I gave it in, the election will take place…well, I do hope that if that happened for real, I want me and ‘that guy’ to win the election but I think, our popularity will defeat him…wait, I’m popular? Hell I am! But sorry BABE! You’re so not my COMPETITOR….wait,wait, did I just say that I care?ops, my bad!

And so, I let you be but I know, it will be a hard time for my friends because lots of them want me to submit my name and be elected as the MPP…I disappointed them..well, its for purpose..i want them to hate you…hahahahaha….and they do…ops! Sorry! (not profusely) well whats that? I know u are craving and dying to be the MPP and I let u be..good for u hah? They hate you! Nananananana….

please also be informed that people have been asking around..who elected you to be our MPP, huh? poor us! and i know that u didnt have anyone to second ur self-nomination and one of our frens helped you without knowing that he was actually about to second ur nomination..poor that guy..he feels guilty for that...well,i guess its obvious right? no one elected you(well technically there were no election but seriously, none of us want u to be the MPP, ok?) face the music, huh!

I know lots of other people who may be reading this and they know us, they will point at me as the heartless one..well, for those who would be thinking so, please, open ur eyes and listen to others…its like this..in a group of ten people, if one people hate you, he/she is the problematic one..but if one whole group members other than urself(if u hate urself just count urself in) dislike u, its u who is the problematic one…what if one whole batch hate you???????do the math!
Hello miss! Think! We don’t hate people for no reasons lor…must have reason and here its because u r a bossy bit**! You are so good in acting that others who don’t know you WELL will never know ur true colours..its only when they have seen it its already too late…usually…muahahaha…

AND BY THE WAY, I TOO DON’T FIGHT FOR GUYS BUT I KNOW U ACTUALLY DO..NO, NO, DON’T DENY ME…I KNOW IT ALL…hahahah…if my friend likes or gets attracted to a very KIND-HEARTED, SINCERE, SANE, and NICE girl, I will never be in the middle and in fact, I will help them and give them my all….but it’s you the MOST HORRIBLE GIRL ON EARTH! ARGH! I left my friend but if one day u two get married, well I was thinking to come and throw u SH*T!hahahahaha….please, I know my friend and I ALWAYS KNOW HE DESERVES SOMEONE FAR OFF BETTER THAN YOU!!!!and he actually does…

So, basically, our topic today is me, the ‘as*ho** ustazah’ as u claimed me to be is lecturing you…after all, u urself said that I’m an ustazah, so whats the point arguing???no point lor…and I’m also an AS*H*** right? So this as*h*** is telling you right straight to ur face that YOU, CAN GO TO HELL, BOSSY BIT**!!!!!!!

P/S: AFTER THIS IF SHE FAINTS OR GOT ALL HYSTERIA AGAIN JUST SLAP HER AND LEAVE HER ALONE..THATS THE PERFECT MAGICAL CURE FOR BOSSY BIT** LIKE HER! OR, JUST PUSH HER DOWN THE BIG DRAIN…I THINK THAT’S BETTER..WE WILL NEVER SEE HER AGAIN! HAHAHAH

Argh!!!!

2009-04-13T11:21:00.000+08:00

stressed! once again i did it. i disappointed my lecturer during the presentation though the fact is this is the first time i dissappoint him..hahahaha...lazy najah...always do things last minute...but never mind...just wait till i submit the revised one...u'll be impressed till u r speechless..i wonder when will that moment come...

Anyone Else But You

2009-03-25T22:20:00.000+08:00

You're a part time lover and a full time friend

The monkey on you're back is the latest trend