down,down and down the drain...

i got my result and its suicidal...its not that i'm unhappy because i didnt get good grades and i couldnt even maintain my very own record...but its because i'm worried now that i have discovered that i never studied bcoz i never did...
i tried but to no avail...i have never studied before and now i really have to because i'm alredy going down the drain and i'm at wits end...if i keep this very attitude this opening semester i will really be in the drain this time...
seriously i feel like crying but i know i mustnt cry because its all my fault..this is my wake-up call.

WAKE UP NAJAH! YOUR GRADES ARE SLOPPING AND THIS IS YOUR VERY LAST CHANCE! IF NOT, DONT EVEN DREAM TO APPLY FOR THE YOUNG LECTURER SCHEME!

the problem is,I SERIOUSLY DONT KNOW HOW TO STUDY AND SIT AND READ...i just dont know how people could do that because i never did...
expectations...i know all lecturers were sighing looking at my grades...even i myself dont know when will i stop sighing...

i'm not angry if my friends get better than me because they deserve it...but i'm unhappy because i couldnt even maintain my grades...and i'm slopping by time...its just..too hard for me...but i know this happens for reasons...to wake me up from the fantasy that i myself created...i never studied for languages paper and i succeeded three times but this time, it's showtime...no more aptitude counting...its either u grab it and make do of it or let it go and fail...

dr. d is calling...i realize now that i could no longer smile and laugh when she speaks to me like i always did before...this is really a wake up call for me...

i know it could never be too late to change, or even to study a little bit..just for this one and then, BYE BYE BUSINESS MANAGEMENT!GO TO HELL!

lucky i never bought the books...what a waste...how i hate it!