what happens when my emotion prevailed...

well, usually i'm not an emotional person. not that kind of person who would cry over
small things.
i always let things slip by.

because of one good reason.
when i let my emotion takes over,
i'll get emotional and overly-sensitive for quite a long time,
and it takes time for me to recover.

thats why i hate to be sad.
its pathetic.
when i feel bad about something,
and if i start talking about it,
i would always, always, burst into tears.

when i feel that i had done something wrong,
and i'm too angry about something,
i'll burst into tears.

thats why i hate it,
because when i start crying,
i will cry and cry all over again.
thats bad.
for me.

hahaha.
when i was form 5, i cried over something and called my mother straight away to take me home.
during law foundation, i was sad about something,
i called my mother and i just couldnt speak out.
the time i heard her voice, i burst into tears and i cried very hard that
she thought something bad might have happened to my aunt!

last sem, i cried too over some misunderstanding and i called my mother again.
but this time she knew well and let me cry first until i was at the state when i was able to speak out.

then only she listened to me.
i cried badly twice for two different reasons.
but for the other reason,
i was on my own,
while reciting the holy Quran,
i burst into tears.
just like just now.
after maghrib prayers.

and today, history repeats itself.
its just that i couldnt bear it in my heart.
it hurts me, very much.

the moment i opened my mouth, i burst into tears, again.
and i cried heavily, as if someone had died.
hahaha.poor nini.had to listen to me as my mother's substitute.

i didnt want to call her.
i didnt want to worry her.
i just feel like talking,
then i realized,
i didnt actually feel like talking.

i felt like crying.
to spill out and open out myself.
and it could be anyone.
i just need someone to listen.
thats all.
and nini did a good job.

thanks nini.
and sorry for troubling you.
it was that u were there, n i had to talk to someone.
u were there,
and thanks again.

oh my, i feel like crying again.
shoosh tears!
go away!

but my tears said,
"no dear, u need me badly."
hahahahaha.
if i laugh out loud, its just to cover my sadness.
seriously.
however, this offer lasts today only.

i will try to recover by time.
but sorry to those who were affected.

why am i sad today?
for marks?
merely because of marks?
no.
its not the situation,
its the people that made me sad.
people called friends.
usually, i'm more likely to cry because of friends.
well, i call them friends but i dont know if i'm not a friend to them.

its always like that.
always.
o Allah, console me.