seeing what u can't see....

i am 20...
have got myself a sister of 22 and she is married to my 21-years-old brother-in-law...
and the littlest in my family has just been given the chance to see the world on 6 July 2008...
my sister may be perceived by others as the black-sheep of the family, as she has been creating significant problems since she was in her secondary school...
and during that time, i was with her too in the same school...
ask others and they will tell straightaway...
while i was building my fame as the batch cleverest girl for retaining the top place in the class every examination, she was on the other hand...
though, i never felt offended...
i was angry with her, but i would be angrier when i heard bad talk about her, be it my friend or foe...
they will never know...
i will never know, my mother will never know...
no one will ever know the reason for her acting such ridiculous way...
we did things for reasons...
so did her...
being in the middle of my first-and-outstanding brother and the clever me, she could never feel better...
she feels left out in family gathering for there will be very little talk about her...it was always about me and my brother whom my gran claimed to be the cleverest grandson she ever has...
though, she tried her best to express her feeling towards our glory...
she made me a card, bought me gifts and though i never thanked her more than uttering 'thank you', deep in my heart, i thanked her with all my heart...
but true enough, i couldn't express more than saying thank u...
that is me...for the people i love, i cant show more...
but she is different...rather different than the whole family...
she expresses her thought the most and she has the most sensitive feelings in the family...
she is in the same boat as my father...
she takes after him a lot...
she longs for people to shower her abundance of love...
she craves for my mother to hug her when she feels in need of one...
she wants us to tell her it was OK when she did wrong...
but that is just not us...we have feelings, but we do not show what we feel, and that is just us..
and the unanimous setting of the family makes her different...totally different from us...
she feels inferior, and develops bad thoughts whenever she hears her name mentioned...
she cant take joke and she becomes so emotional that we are afraid to talk to her sometimes..
fear that we might cause her to shed tears...
we don't want that...
it isn't her fault at all...
it is just her, it is just us...
that explains her wrongdoings...she studied in kl but came back without finishing her studies when she broke up with her first boyfriend...
it wasn't her fault...
she wants people to love her, when she thought no one ever loved her...
though we do...
so she accepted the guy and he dumped her after a string of lovable and unforgettable memories he had given her...that made her mad...she just couldn't proceed with her studies...
then she met my brother-in-law...and i am happy to see her happy...
if she thinks we couldn't make her happier,i am relieved if there is someone who could cheer her up...
when they wanted to get married, lots of stories were told and i know,many people were disappointed with such a hasty decision...
but she just wouldn't care...
and so they proceeded...
and now, i am glad to see her smiling....
when she was pregnant, the whole family just couldn't wait to see the littlest Ariff...
that included me...
i kept thinking a lot about the baby...
what will the baby call me...
teasing the other members of the family...
especially my mom who deep in her heart was eager to meet her first grandchild in her fifties...
what a granny...
true enough,my mom warned us for quite many times that she didn't want us to leave our child-to-come with her to be taken care of...she said that many times...
but she couldn't deny that deep in her heart, her deserted feelings blossom once again with the born of Hakim...
clutching him to put him to bed,caressing his smooth and nature-smelled skin,feeling him in her hands, my mom is just in euphoria....she loves him so much...
just couldn't bear seeing him left alone when my sister went to the toilet even for a while...
the same goes to me...my sister,my father, and everyone in the family...
it is like we are given our second chance to live our lives...
we love him so much...
even now as I'm away in Selangor leaving them in Kedah, i long for him...missing him so much...
the feeling is just there,hard to be expressed by words...
we just know it is there...
and he is my sister's...
the black sheep of the family....
i thank her for being such a person that she is now a mother in her twenties!
that's why we should try to see what we cant...
if she weren't that way, she couldn't give us such a beautiful gift in our lives...
i thank her a lot...
she may not be the favourite, but she is the most significant in the family and she just couldn't change the way she is....
thanks sis, i loved you, and i will always...