internally...eternally....

i dont know where else to post this since my fb is not that 'comfortable' and 'private' anymore,
thus preventing me to post anything, just anything to voice out my thoughts, just like i always did before.

i'm burdened,
and i've never felt as burdened as now before.

living at other's expenses is always like this.
i didnt choose it this way,
but i cant leave either,
cause securing one's face is the only honourable thing left for me now.

i want to leave badly,
cause all this while,
i've never felt at loss and in humiliation as much as now.

its because i've always been a stubborn person,
and one with firm stand, if u put it positively,
and right now,
when i'm being questioned by the one i hate to answer,
i'm burdened.

i dont want to answer,
its not because i dont have the answer.
i have it and i'm confident with it.
but will u understand me?
call me coward,
but with ur nature,
it'll only work out if u see what i've become later.

with u, only the proof can work it out.
please, only this time,
let me out.

i respect u as much as i respect my mum,
and i adore u for what u've become.

but being the best out of the best,
cant u please let me get out of the stereotype,
and view me as a brand-new person?
i need that badly.

pursuing my dreams have always been my priority,
but not everyone can understand it.
and my parents have always been topping my list.

they're my number 1,
and whatever i do,
is always dedicated for them.
trust me.
not even for a while have i thought of abandoning them

call me crazy for not valuing my achievement so far,
call me stupid for sitting down and doing nothing,
but the nothing i do right now in your eyes,
will soon be the best thing in my life,
and others around me.

my degree,
i've never worked for it,
and therefore,
i dont value it as much.

dont ask me why,
but its because i know myself better.
typical way of living.
i really hate that.

its not a short-cut that i'm taking,
but its the preview of my future that i'm drawing.
for those involved,
for those i love and value very much,
this is what i'm trying to do.

right now,
i'm working on it.
i wont ask for ur help,
but a little consideration and understanding might help.
just a little will do.
please, just this once, trust me, have faith in me.

yes, they say this is an impossible thing for someone like me to do.
its ridiculous,
but to start a new thing,
there's always this say.

only the brave and courageous will go through unharmed,
and for once in my life,
i want to be among those,
and i know,
with my hard work and strong will,
i can make it.

i can, and i will.
just pray.
thats my only wish,
from u.
for me.